


Elizabeth

by DarkPrincess333 (VampGirlPrague)



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 13:20:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 64,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1081488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampGirlPrague/pseuds/DarkPrincess333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is preparing for one of the biggest roles of his life: the role of father. He is almost ready to sign adoption papers for his baby girl. The only thing left to do is introduce his fiancé to the social worker, and to the little girl’s mother, who wants a loving couple to raise her child. There is only one problem; Adam doesn’t have a fiancé… at least, not anymore. Now he faces the very real possibility of losing the baby. </p><p>After finding Adam despondent one afternoon, Tommy decides to help his best friend. He devises a plan for them to fake a romantic relationship and pretend to be the perfect loving couple. What happens when Tommy starts to realize he sees Adam as more than a friend? Given the risks, will their families and friends be willing to help and support them? And, in the end, will Adam get the role of his life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue (Past)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jillian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jillian/gifts).



> this story is dedicated to my dearest friend Jillian. When I saw new LBB round is opening i was thinking about joining but I was really insecure as I´m still mainly writing just for myself. She told me "sign in, you can freak out after." I did that and here I am.  
> She helped me overcome my shyness, she is my biggest cheerleader. She helped me through a rough few days at the very end of my writing. I would never be here withouth her help and support and I can´t be more thankfull to have her in my life. So baby, this one is for you!
> 
>    
> Many many thanks to my beta qafaddiction. She took my story and helped me so much to improve it so it´s readable. She had to overcome so many grammar errors she probably has grey hair by now. She helped me in every aspect and I can´t be grateful enough.
> 
> Other big thank is going to my artist creativmind1281. Her art is amazing and I love it so much
> 
> Big thank you is going to my friends (real and twitter) as I was literally MIA those past few months and they still love me (well I think they do)
> 
> Written for lambliffbigbang round 3
> 
> This is my very first story and I never been so nervous in my life. Not only I have never posted before but also my muse decided to take me on trip so my very first story is a long one. I will stop circling aoround my computer and hit the post button so enjoy reading.
> 
> Never happened, never will. I don´t own any of the characters(Except Elizabeth, she´s all mine)
> 
> Link to art master post on LJ http://creativmind1281.livejournal.com/15818.html

 

 

 

  

After a long week of working on new stuff with Mike, Tommy decides that they deserve to have some fun. So that´s how they end up here – 'here' being Mike and Tommy´s favorite club. That is, if you can say Tommy has a favorite one.  
  
If only Liz would stop with her attempts to make him dance, he thinks. Luckily for him, she knows that no matter how hard she tries, she won't succeed, so everything is okay after all. He likes that he can have nice evening out, enjoying it the way he wants. He likes clubs and music some of the time, but just not dancing.  
  
As he´s sipping his drink, he looks out at the dance floor, watching Liz dancing with Mike. She looks back at him and smiles, blowing him a kiss. He catches it and thinks that right now he´s in a really happy place. He decides that it´s time for another drink so he signals to Liz and Mike and heads for the bar.  
  
He isn't even halfway done with his drink when his cell phone starts to ring. The ringtone “Whataya want from me” always means work, so Tommy thinks it´s pretty fitting to assign it to anyone who might want work from him. He checks the number and is surprised that it´s Adam´s bodyguard, because he never calls him. He wonders what Jason wants so he picks up.   
  
“Hey Jason, what´s up?”  
  
“Hey Tommy I want...” He can´t hear Tommy so he yells, “Where are you? I can´t hear you at all, hello!”   
  
When Tommy can´t hear a thing either, he yells back, covering his other ear. ”I´m out with friends at a club. I´m sure whatever you think is so important can wait.”   
  
“No it can´t. Please, can you go someplace more quiet? It´s important,” Jason pleads and Tommy finally gives up.   
  
“Okay, okay, hold on a sec. Don´t hang up!” Tommy yells again, already heading out.   
  
When he reaches the door, he starts to talk again. ”You still there?”  
  
Jason answers immediately: “Yes, still here”  
  
“So what´s so important that it can´t wait?”   
  
Jason takes a second before speaking. “I need you to come to Adam´s house to help him and….” he doesn´t even get to finish, when Tommy interrupts him.  
  
“What do you mean by help him? Did something happen? Is Adam okay? He isn´t hurt or anything like that is he?” Tommy is worried, and Jason hurries to assure him that that´s not the case.  
  
”No, he´s not hurt, but he´s completely drunk and crying. I´m sure I can manage him, but I also think that whatever happened, he needs a friend, not a bodyguard.”   
  
“Okay. I have a few questions but they'll have to wait until I get there. I have to say goodbye to my friends, so I should be there in half an hour,” he says, then adds, “....oh, and no matter what, don´t let him go out.”    
  
Jason huffs at Tommy, sounding almost insulted. “I know my job, Tommy...”   
  
“I know, I know Jason, I´m just worried. Be there soon.” Tommy hangs up without waiting for an answer, heading back quickly into the club to find Liz and Mike.  
  
He spots them on the dance floor so he rushes toward them. When he sees Liz smiling at him, he knows that they will fight about this. Liz kisses him and chirps happily. ”Here you are. Wanna head out for another place?”   
  
Tommy takes a few deep breaths before answering. ”I can´t baby, have to go, Adam needs me and...”   
  
Suddenly Liz´s smile fades away and is replaced by sadness. “Again?”   
  
“What do you mean by that?”   
  
“What I mean is that sometimes you act like nothing and no one else exists.”  
  
Tommy looks at her in disbelief. “You know that´s not true. I have to go now, but we'll talk later, okay baby?”  
  
“Whatever,” is her only answer before she turns around and leaves.   
  
  
Tommy sighs deeply and asks Mike to get her home safely. Mike just smiles at him and pats his shoulder gently. “Will do, now go. He needs you right?”   
  
“Yeah looks like he does.” Tommy smiles gratefully at Mike, thanking him again, and rushes out of the club, the only thing on his mind being Adam and what could possibly have happened to him.  
  
After he leaves, Liz comes back to Mike; he thinks she looks pretty sad. “What´s the matter, Liz?”   
  
“Why do I feel like I´m always second best?”   
  
Mike takes her by her hand. ”You know that´s not true.”  
  
“Do I?”    
  
“Are you jealous?”   
  
“You´re his best friend, you tell me. Do I have a reason to be?”   
  
“You know I don´t have an answer for that.”  
  
Liz lets out a frustrated noise. “I just wish, just some of the time, he would put me on equal footing, you know?”   
  
“Then tell him; tell him it´s hurting you.”   
  
“I´m implying it all the damn time, Mike. If he can't pick up on the clues...”   
  
“And maybe it´s not enough. He isn´t a mind reader, Liz. If their relationship bothers you, you have to tell him that.”   
  
“And how can I? It´ll only look like I want him to choose between us.”   
  
“And do you want that? Do you?”   
  
“Why are you always answering my questions with more questions?” Liz asks  
  
“Because for some questions, only you know the answer.”   
  
Liz looks at him oddly, like she thinks he knows more than he´s letting on. Mike just puts an arm around her waist and leads them back to the dance floor “Come on. Let´s enjoy another dance; the night's not over yet.” And with that, their conversation is really over and Liz decides that thinking about serious things can wait.  
  
  
When Tommy arrives at Adam´s house, he uses the code Adam gave him to open the gate. He parks his car on Adam´s driveway and heads toward the main entrance. He finds Jason waiting for him by the door. Tommy gets inside and starts firing questions off right away. ”Where is he? Where is Sauli? Oh, and why not start with how you got here?”   
  
“Slow down, Tommy. I´ll explain everything. We had an appointment scheduled for today but he never showed up. So I called him a few times but he didn´t pick up. I got worried, so I decided to come by and see if everything was okay, because he's never done that before.”  
  
Tommy nods, following along, and Jason continues. “After I got here, we got into a small, kinda, argument about the lack of alcohol around here, since I hid everything I could when he was in the bathroom. He kind of kicked me out and stormed up to his bedroom and he hasn't left the room since. Also, Sauli's not here; I have no idea where he might be.”   
  
Jason takes another breath before continuing. “So now that I've explained everything, what are we going to do?”   
  
Tommy looks at him and raises an eyebrow. ”You called me because you thought he needed a friend, right?”   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“So, we´re not going to do anything. You are going to go home and I'm going to take care of him.”   
  
“Right. Should I call back later to check how things are going?”   
  
Tommy is already heading for Adam´s bedroom as he answers. “No. It´s not necessary.” Tommy doesn´t even bother to check if Jason really left.  
  
When he gets to Adam´s bedroom, he stays outside, listening. He can hear Adam talking, his monologue combined with sobs so intense that his heart clenches. He braces himself for everything that might come, opens the door, and finally steps inside the bedroom.   
  
What he sees shakes him to his core. Adam is sitting on the floor, his back resting against his bed, and his hair is sticking out in all directions.  His makeup is running down his cheeks from all the tears. The anger is gone, and Adam just brokenly sobs while holding a bottle of Jack in his hand.   
  
He calls out to Adam softly. “Adam.”  
  
But Adam is looking past him, and doesn´t really see him. Tommy takes a few steps closer, and sits on his heels in front of him. He talks gently to him as he takes his hand and holds them. “Adam it's me, Tommy”.   
  
“Tommy?” Adam asks, looking at him with red, puffy eyes. “Tommyyyyyyyy. Wha... what are you doin …. doing here? You love me right? You do, I… I know it. You´re the only one that lov… loves me,” Adam sobs, lifting the bottle to his lips to take another swig, but Tommy stops him, trying to talk some sense into him, not really thinking about the words Adam was saying.    
  
“You know I do, but give me that bottle.”   
  
“Noooooooo, I need it, it´s my f … friend,” Adam says and holds the bottle far away from Tommy. Tommy tries to reason with him, but he knows it won't go smoothly. Adam might have lost his anger, but he´s really stubborn so Tommy tries to sound more strict.   
  
“I'm your friend and you don´t need it. Give it to me, please.”   
  
But Adam only shakes his head vehemently. “Noooooo …!”  
  
Tommy sighs and decides that gently isn't going to work, so he takes a few more deep breaths and gives Adam an order. ”Give me that bottle, Adam. Now!” When Adam hesitates, Tommy repeats, “Now!!!”   
  
  
Adam looks surprised, and after a brief moment, where Tommy can see him thinking, he gives the bottle to Tommy. Tommy decides that it would be smart to take the booze away, so he starts to get up to dispose of it, when in the blink of an eye, Adam grabs his hand, holding on to him, pleading, “Please don ... don´t leave me, please don´t leave me, please ……”   
  
Tommy is shocked at how Adam went from being stubbornly drunk one moment, to this hurt being the next. He looks back at him, explaining softly, “I´m not leaving you Adam, I´m just taking this away.”   
  
But Adam isn´t listening. ”Please, please …..”   
  
Tommy is shaken up, willing himself not to cry seeing Adam in this state. He sits back down next to Adam, bottle forgotten.   
He gently brushes Adam's cheeks, wiping the tears away, whispering, “I´m not going anywhere Adam, calm down. I´m not leaving.” Adam calms down a bit, his breathing becoming more stable.   
  
Tommy gently tucks Adam´s hair behind his ear, asking, “Are you with me? Do you see me?” Adam just nods, tears still rolling down his face.  
  
After a few moments, Adam rests his head on Tommy´s shoulder, and Tommy takes that as a signal that Adam might be able to talk, so he asks, “Do you want to tell me what happened?”   
  
Adam just shakes his head, figuratively locking his mouth and throwing away the key. In another situation Tommy might think it was funny, but for now he accepts that Adam doesn´t want to talk.  
  
“Okay, okay. I think it´s time to put you to bed.” Tommy stands, helping Adam to get up and then lay down on his bed. Once Adam is lying down, he doesn´t even try to take his clothes off, so Tommy tries to talk some sense into him again. He's lost count of how many times he's tried.  
  
“Come on Adam, we have to take your clothes off,” he begins, while Adam is just babbling something about being comfy, tired, and morning, Tommy uses his authoritative voice again and slowly, with Tommy´s help Adam loses his shirt and his jeans, leaving only his underwear on.   
  
Tommy helps him get under the covers, settling him for the night, but when he´s turning to leave, he hears a weak plea from Adam. ”Please stay…”  
  
He just turns around, undesses and slips onto the bed and under the covers, taking Adam´s hand into his own, whispering, “Okay baby. I´m here. Just sleep, tomorrow will be a new day.”   
  
As Adam closes his eyes, slowly drifting into restless sleep, Tommy keeps holding him, whispering to him, wondering what happened to leave Adam so broken. He thinks and thinks, and as one scenario after another enters his thoughts, he slowly starts to fall asleep as well.  
  
  
Tommy wakes up slowly, completely curled up in Adams arms. He slowly and carefully, trying not to wake Adam up, leaves the bed and heads to find some painkillers. He knows Adam will need them. He finds some in a cabinet in Adam´s bathroom. He takes them with a glass of water and leaves it all on Adam´s nightstand, gently touching his face, watching him sleep.   
  
Adam looks so peaceful, his ruined makeup the only proof of the hard night he had. After a few short moments of stroking his hair and cheeks, Tommy gets his clothes and leaves the bedroom, heads downstairs to make coffee. He starts the coffee maker, taking some fruit from Adam´s fridge for breakfast, and goes to lay on Adam´s couch, waiting for Adam to get up.  
  
Feeling the sun on his face, Adam wakes up. The first thing he feels is a terrible headache and God knows he has lived through some tough nights. Then he remembers more. He doesn´t want to think about what started it but he remembers Tommy in his bedroom, helping him, taking care of him. He grunts in pain again when he spots a glass of water and painkillers on his nightstand.   
  
He knows who left it there. But as he thinks about how nice it is that it's from Tommy, the guilt hits him hard as he probably acted like a total fool the day before. He decides that right after a shower he'll make a coffee and then call Tommy and apologize to him. He heads for the shower, his mind full of questions and doubts.  
  
When he gets downstairs after his shower, wearing fresh clothes, he´s surprised to see that Tommy is napping on his couch, coffee ready for him. As he watches Tommy, he thinks that he shouldn´t be surprised that Tommy stayed. He´s his best friend and always takes care of him. He gently shakes Tommy awake, until he´s looking at him.   
  
“Good morning,” Tommy says, stretching from napping on the couch. ”how are you feeling?”   
  
Suddenly Adam is blushing crimson and starts to apologize, as he knows an apology is in order. ”Still bad, but listen Tommy, I just want … I just want to apologize, because yesterday …” but before he can finish, Tommy interrupts him, shaking his head.  
  
”Don´t apologize. Never apologize for needing a friend. Do you want to tell me what happened? You don´t have to, but if you want to talk I´m here. You know that.”  
  
Adam takes the offered coffee and takes a small sip, looking hesitant. “I don´t know where to start.”  
  
Adam sighs. Tommy sits up straight on the couch, rests his feet on the coffee table, patting the spot next to his.   
  
“Come on, you can sit here and we talk”.    
  
Adam hesitates for just a second, but instead of sitting down, he lays down, folds his legs and rest his head in Tommy´s lap. Looking up at him he asks, “Do you mind?”   
  
Tommy shakes his head and with that Adam closes his eyes and starts explaining. “I came home from the studio yesterday, like every other day. I even bought takeout dinner home for us…  
  
 _Flashback_  
  
 _“Hey baby,” I said happily as I crossed the living room to kiss Sauli.” Then I saw his luggage._  
  
 _So I asked, “You're packed? Why?”_  
  
 _Sauli looked at me strangely, then said, ”I´m leaving for Finland.”_  
  
 _“Oh,_ okay _. You got some last minute work there? When are you coming back?”_  
  
 _Sauli was looking anywhere but at me when he said, ”I´m not coming back Adam. I´m leaving you.”_  
  
 _I was in absolute shock and I was babbling. “You.. you're…. Why? What happened? You can´t mean that!”_  
  
 _But he just said, “I was thinking hard and I decided that I don´t want to continue with what we have. Responsibility and parenthood is not on my list anymore.”_  
  
 _“But … But what you mean by that? We agreed. We were happy and expecting our baby girl together.” Tears were running down my face as I slid down to the floor. “Please, don´t leave me, we´re happy.”_  
  
 _But Sauli wasn't listening to my pleas. “I have to go Adam, the car is here to pick me up. You have to understand, we don´t want the same things from life anymore,” and when Sauli left I was calling him back, pleading, accusing, hoping._  
  
 _“Please don´t go, pl…. Sauli! You promised …. We agreed, why did you agree? Why? Why?” but there was no answer as he left. The closed door and the silence were my only company as I cried over everything, that I had just lost. And when anger replaced my sorrow, I helped myself to a drink, and another and another..._  
  
 _End of flashback_  
  
“… and after that, everything went wrong.”   
  
Tommy can feel his pants getting damp with more tears, running down from Adam´s closed lids as he´s talking. “I begged him to stay. I tried to stop him. But he left, Just like that,” he sobs and Tommy's just holding him tightly. Feeling a single tear on his own face, again and again he promises Adam softly that everything will be okay, that time will heal his wounds. But for now, he's letting all the sorrow flow out of him, letting Adam cry in his arms.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. What's Wrong... Again

  

Tommy storms into the rehearsal room, shouting apologies along the way. “I´m so sorry guys. Fucking cops stopped me for a full check. Alcohol, drugs, everything. By the time they let me go, traffic was crazy, and it took me forever to get here.”  
  
Throughout his whole monologue, Tommy doesn´t realize that his friends and bandmates are just sitting around, doing nothing – literally. When it hits him that everyone is staring at him, he quizzically asks, slowly catching his breath,  
  
“What´s going on guys? Why are you just sitting around? I mean, I´m sure you can rehearse without a guitar--”   
  
When Brian just raises eyebrow Tommy stops. “What?!”   
  
Brian just looks at him in disbelief. “Of course we can, but we can´t exactly do anything without a singer!”   
  
Tommy finally realizes that Adam isn't there. ”So where is he? In traffic too?”   
  
When nobody say anything, he doesn´t know why, but he starts to feel strange. Brian speaks up again. “We don´t know … we … ummmm …”   
  
What do you mean by 'ummm'?”   
  
“I mean …” Brian hesitates. “We … we kinda thought you were together, since you´ve been spending lot of time together since his breakup …”   
  
When Tommy shoots him a glance he adds, “What? It´s true …!”   
  
“Maybe, but the way you said that, it sounded like you were implying we have something secret going on!”   
  
When Ashley starts defending Brian, Tommy insists vehemently,  
  
“We´re not having an affair! Understood?”  
  
“Understood. Geez Tommy calm down. So I guess you don´t know where Adam is either?”   
  
“No I don´t know. You didn´t try to call him?”   
  
“Erm...” Ashley starts. “Like we told you, we thought you two were together so we kinda didn´t want to disturb.”    
  
“Fine, enough of that! But it´s strange. It´s not like Adam at all. I´m gonna call him.” Tommy turns his back to his friends, and speed dials Adam´s numbers. Tommy lets it ring for a long time, murmuring silently “Come on Adam, pick up. Pick up,” but when Adam doesn't answer, he turns back to his friends.  
  
“He always picks up my calls. I´m going to check on him, see if everything is okay. We were supposed to go to dinner after the rehearsal and … “   
  
Tommy realizes that his friends are staring at him: “What …?”   
  
“Nothing,” comes the chorus answer. Tommy just rolls his eyes and leaves.   
  
After he's gone, Ashley asks Brian: “Do you think they will ever figure it out?”   
  
“Before they get hurt? Who knows Ash, who knows.” and with that they head out.  
  
  
At Adam´s place, Adam is sitting on his couch, watching the fire in his designer fireplace. He's wrapped in a soft pink blanket he bought for his little Elizabeth, thinking about that morning. He is famous, he is rich, he is a rockstar. And despite what he is and what he has, he´s about to lose everything he wants from life, because he can´t keep his promises.  
  
His thoughts travel back to that morning, to the appointment that he fears may have cost him Elizabeth.   
  
“Adam, welcome.” Mrs. Potter, or Jane as she invited Adam to address her, welcomes him to her office, and if she´s surprised that he came alone, she doesn´t let it show. He knows the conversation they are about to have will not be easy, but he tries to look calm, even though inside, he´s frightened to the bone.   
  
“Take a seat please, do you want anything? Coffee, tea, water?”   
  
“No thank you. So you wanted to see me again, Jane?” Adam asks.  
  
“Yes. I know this will not be a pleasant conversation, but we have to have it. When you decided to adopt Elizabeth, you knew what conditions there were to fulfill. And speaking of obligations, weren´t you supposed to come with your fiancé today?”   
  
Suddenly Adam senses that she seems to be a little upset. “Yes but…” Adam takes a deep breath, trying to sound convincing, “… he had a last-minute gig with his friend´s band and he couldn´t miss the rehearsal.”  
  
“Adam, I´m going to be totally honest with you. You are an amazing man with a big, loving heart, but with this kind of postponement, you are going to lose Elizabeth.”   
  
Adam inhales sharply: “What… what do you mean by that?”   
  
“I mean that it really seems like you are hesitant to introduce your fiancé...”   
  
“I´m not...” Adam starts to say but Jane interrupts him gently.  
  
“Don´t interrupt please. I know you said you are both very busy, that your partner is still shy with the media, and that you want privacy from the world of media and fans. And believe me I understand that, but  _you_  have to understand, that if you don't take a risk to come here with your partner to see Amy, your adoption can´t proceed.”   
  
Adam is shocked but tries to stay and look calm, even when he´s facing the possibility he prayed would never come. As he fights tears and tries to stay strong Jane continues. “Let me ask you one thing. Do you really, really want Elizabeth to be your daughter?”   
  
You know I do, Jane. With everything in me.”   
  
“Then you have to take the final step Adam. Even though it could cost you your privacy and could compromise the adoption as well. There is no other way. We both know Amy doesn´t have much time. She likes you very much, but if she´s not sure her condition will be met, she will not sign the papers.”  
  
Adam feels his life burning down to ashes, and he can´t fight the tears that are pooling in his eyes any longer.  Jane sees his discomfort and rushes to calm him.   
  
“Calm down Adam, no need to panic. It´s not too late yet. I talked to Amy and we have agreed that this is a special situation, with your celebrity and the fame that surrounds you, so we have decided on the following. Sometime during the next few weeks, I will come to your home for an unannounced visit. You can introduce me to your partner in the privacy of your own home. I´m sure you and your fiancé will feel more comfortable. We can talk more and I can get to know your partner more, and we can even use this visit as a mandatory house check. So what you think?” Jane looks satisfied with how she solved the problem, so Adam tries to pretend and gives her a fake smile.   
  
“It´s great, thank you. We will be waiting.”   
  
And with that Jane dismisses him with a smile and a handshake.   
  
  
On his way home he thinks about how he got here, into this crazy situation. He thinks about how he never thought that one day, his life would be full of lies and pretending. And about how he hates liars and how every lie will come to light.  
  
When Tommy gets to Adam´s house, he rings the bell a few times and when there is no answer, he lets himself in with a key Adam gave him many months ago. When he goes inside, everything is calm and quiet so he calls Adam´s name. When he gets no answer, he goes to check the living room.   
  
He sees Adam lying on his couch, wrapped in a pink blanket. He gets closer and see lots of pictures of Elizabeth on the floor, on the coffee table, and one in Adam´s hand, tightly clamped to his chest in his sleep. Tommy watches Adam´s face and sees his smudged eyeliner and he knows something is wrong.   
  
He gently strokes Adam´s hair and brushes his fingers over Adam's forehead before sitting next to him on the floor, shaking him gently. “Adam, Adam wake up.”   
  
Adam slowly wakes up and his eyes widen in surprise to see Tommy sitting next to him. ”Tommy? What are you doing here?”  
  
“What am I doing here? Adam, do you know what time is? You missed the rehearsal and you weren´t picking up your phone so I came to see if everything was okay.”  
  
“Oh my god, I´m so sorry Tommy…” Adam sits up and starts to apologize. “…I had to nap, I had a really busy, tough morning and I must have fallen asleep. I´m just… sorry.”    
  
“It´s okay Adam. It's okay but tell me what´s wrong?”   
  
“Wrong? Why do you think something is wrong?” Adam doesn´t look at Tommy, just down at his hands.   
  
Tommy gently reaches out and brushes away the smudged eyeliner from under his eyes and smiles sadly. ”No. Don´t do that Adam. Don´t lie to me. We´ve been through so much shit together you know you don´t have to lie to me.”   
  
Tommy moves from the floor, sits on the other side of the small couch and pull his legs up to his chest, mirroring Adam´s position. “Look at me Adam. Look at me and tell me what´s wrong.”  
  
Adam takes a deep breath and starts to explain. “I´m going to lose everything. I´m going to lose Elizabeth.”  
  
“But why? You're the perfect candidate, you are loving and you have a nice home and money...”  
  
“But I don´t have a partner, a fiancé,” Adam says brokenly, his eyes starting to water again.   
  
“What do you mean you don´t have a fiancé? You don´t need a partner to adopt, I´m sure of that.”  
  
“That's usually the case, true, but not in this case.” Adam sighs deeply. “All those months ago, when we …” Adam chokes on the ´we´, but continues, “…when we have decided to adopt a baby, I found Elizabeth and her mother Amy. She was pregnant back then. Pregnant and alone and one day at her checkup, that was before we met her, she found out she´s terminally ill. She laid out a few obligations that have to be met, in addition to the usual contract for the adopting parent. One was that it doesn´t matter when she signs the adoption papers, she´ll be allowed to stay with her daughter until her last day. The second was that her daughter must be adopted by a couple. It was no problem then but as you can see, it´s a problem now.”  
  
Adam looks so sad explaining the situation, but Tommy just doesn´t get it. “But how can you adopt her, you've been single for five or six months now.”   
  
“I ….”  Adam looks away in shame and fear of judgment, making him blush.  
  
“Adam? What did you do?” Tommy asks. When Adam doesn't react, Tommy moves closer to Adam, nodding his head encouragingly: “Tell me. What have you done?”   
  
Adam finally looks at him, tears running down his face. He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself and continues. “I lied. After our break up, when Amy, that´s Elizabeth´s mom, said that her baby can´t be adopted by a single parent and that she heard me and my partner broke up, I told her the first thing that came to my mind. That we had problems, and as I spent more and more time with my best friend, we fell in love. I asked her not to tell anybody as we have had to keep our relationship in private for some time, because of the media and things like that. She was really doubtful at first, but then she believed my story. I told it to my social worker Jane a little bit later and everything was fine for some time. I was always careful not to invite her over, always had some excuse for me to come to her office. I thought that maybe when Amy got to know me more, she would cancel the “couple” condition but that´s not gonna happen. More and more now, they are both asking to meet my partner, the one who doesn´t exist...“   
  
Adam´s voice breaks and he just doesn´t know what more there is to say. Everything is out, all his hopes, fears, lies… He doesn´t even dare to look at Tommy right then because the silence that fills the room is proof that his best friend is disgusted by him.   
  
  
Tommy looks at him in total disbelief. He can´t hide the shock and disappointment in his voice, but he needs an answer, wants to know why.  “Oh my god, Adam. You made up so many lies. How could you do that? Every lie will come out you have to know that! It will ruin everything you worked for. Look at me.”   
  
When nothing happens Tommy repeats himself, sounding more firmly. “Look at me! Tell me why you told all these lies, you hate liars. Why risk everything? Everything!”   
  
Adam is surprised by Tommy´s anger, but at the same time, maybe he´s not because he, too, knows it´s all wrong. “Because She is worth it, she is worth the risk. I know you've only seen her in pictures, but in reality, she´s my angel Tommy. She´s beautiful and precious and she´s all I want from life now. I´m living my dreams on stage and in the studio, but thanks to her, now I know another kind of connection, and I want to have that kind of love in my life, Tommy. She´s not just some distraction to make me forget him. I can´t imagine anything I want to have more in my life.”   
  
Adam can´t control his emotions any longer and starts sobbing, again looking away All the shame making it very difficult to look at Tommy: “Pl… please don´t hate m…me, please. I… I know it´s all wr…. wrong. I just di.. didn´t know what to do …”   
  
“I don´t hate you. I really don´t, but I´m so disappointed …“   
  
Adam interrupts him with a silent “I know” but Tommy shushes him.  
  
“Don´t interrupt me. I´m so disappointed you didn't tell me sooner. We´re best friends. I wouldn´t judge you. Yell at you and maybe, call you crazy but I could never judge or hate you so why?”  
  
Adam looks at him, blushing hot as hell. “I couldn´t tell you. I wanted to, so many times but I couldn´t.”   
  
“Why? Why couldn´t you Adam!”   
  
“Because I was embarrassed, okay? I used you. Are you happy now that you know?” Adam all but yells but apologizes quickly. “I´m sorry I didn´t mean to yell at you, sorry.”  
  
Tommy looks at him perplexed: “What… what do you mean you used me, used my name?”   
  
“You were the first person that popped into my head. So I told them you are my fiancé. It was easy to believe Sauli was jealous because of the stage antics and we´re pretty close so…”   
  
“Okay, I got it, bud you do realize that if you had told me sooner, we would not be in this deep shit …”   
  
Adam looks utterly surprised by Tommy´s statement: “Wha … what you mean by that?”   
  
Tommy looks like a bolt of energy hit him when he answers, “What you think? I´m gonna help you!”   
  
Tears are uncontrollably running down his face and he can´t stop shaking with sobs: “You´re… you´re gonna…. Help me?”   
  
“Yes I am going to and you will stop that crying jag right now!”   
  
“But ….”   
  
“But nothing. You fucked up, badly. But we will make it together. I may be pissed you didn't tell me, but I will be damned if you will lose your baby girl. We have to make the perfect happy couple in a really short time so you will pay a visit to the bathroom and you will pull yourself together, because you look tired and your hair is a mess and I´m not even gonna start about your face. So hush hush, off you go.”   
  
All that energy that´s filling the living room, literally gushing from Tommy´s every word and gesture lets Adam feel more alive, lets him feel hopeful, and he just pounces on Tommy, hugs him tightly, whispering, “Thank you, you are the best friend ever”.   
  
Tommy kisses his neck lightly, gently biting the same spot, hearing a low moan escape Adam´s lips: “I know I am, now go.” Adam reluctantly lets go and heads for the bathroom.   
  
As he leaves, he hears Tommy talking to him: “We´ll need a lot of help from our friends and families if what I have in mind will work, be prepare for lot of explaining.”  
  
“I will be ready when the time comes!” And with that he disappears.   
  
Tommy goes to Adam´s kitchen and takes a beer from a fridge; he also makes a tea for Adam. He takes it back to the living room, sits on the floor by the coffee table, takes some paper and a pen from underneath the table, and starts to think of a list of people they have to call and what they want from them, thinking how crazy this will be, but he also thinks that Adam and his happiness is worth it.


	3. Battle plans

 

 

Tommy is chewing on Adam´s pen, trying to organize his battle plan. Finally he starts to write, sorting each list:  
  
Tommy calls:  
1.    Mom  
2.    Sis  
3.    Mike (don’t forget about his friend who can do miracles with pictures)   
4.    Liz  
  
  
Adam calls:  
1.    Mom  
2.    Dad  
3.    Neil  
4.    Sut (makeup)  
5.    Cherrys´ (pix and other things)  
  
Tommy is done quickly with both lists. He takes his phone and speed dials Mike, because he needs Mike to help him first. After three rings, Mike picks up. “Hey man, how´s your afternoon going?”   
  
“Actually not exactly as planned and ummmm…. well, actually I need a big favor and I need you to not ask for an explanation until I'm done.”   
  
“Okay TJ, spill. What have you done and what do you need?”   
  
“I need a few things. First, you have to pack an overnight bag for me and bring it to Adam´s house … “  
  
“Bring it to…?”   
  
“Don´t interrupt Mike!”  
  
“Okay, okay, Tommy Joe…” Mike apologizes but Tommy can hear the smirk.  
  
“So like I said, an overnight bag, bring it to Adam´s house -- you know the address. Ohhh and add my acoustic to it. That´s the easy part. Now when you get back home, I need you to pack a lot more. Clothes, my DVDs, guitars, everything and I need you to bring all of it here in the next few days. Can you do that?”   
  
“Sure I can BUT you have to explain--”  
  
“I will. I promise. Oh, and when you arrive, remind me to ask about Marco, okay?”   
  
“Why should I…”   
  
“Please Mike, not over the phone. Just bring it here.” Tommy hangs up and takes a sip from his beer again.  
  
“Bring what here?” Adam asks curiously.   
  
Tommy didn't hear Adam come in, so he turns around and smiles. Adam is showered, changed into fresh clothes, looking more like himself again. All of his makeup is gone. His eyes are still red but not too much, so Tommy thinks he may have used some eyedrops.   
  
“My stuff, what else? I´m moving in.” Tommy can´t help but smile wide when Adam´s mouth almost hits the floor after his announcement.  
  
“You´re what? You…“  
  
“Adam, man. Sit down. It´s time for me to explain my plan, okay?” Tommy gestures for Adam to sit on the couch and waves towards the tea. “Drink that tea and listen.”  
  
“ummmmm,” Adam says and Tommy starts pacing and continues.  
  
“I told you I´m gonna help and this is what we´re going to do. I´m gonna move in. Then we´re going to call our friends and hopefully they will help us. This weekend we will hold an event. Fake birthday pictures, engagement pictures, holiday pictures, the whole thing. We will discuss all the necessary details later. We´re lucky that we know each other so well. Now we have phone calls to make.   
  
“I already talked to Mike so I have to call mom and you have your own list.”   
  
He hands the list to Adam and he immediately grunts. “Neil too?”   
  
Tommy smiles and nods: “Adam, I know he´s basically pain in the ass, but he´s your brother. You will survive. Now ask them all to come here for the weekend. Be cautious, no explaining over the phone. Just tell them you are in trouble and that you will explain on Friday.”   
  
“Ohhh you think they will help us?” – Adam looks doubtful and really scared.   
  
Tommy stops pacing, and takes Adam by the hand  
  
Adam, I know it´s a lot to ask, lot of lies, but they will help, we just have to be prepared to explain. But I think it´s not just that. What is really bothering you?”  
  
“That they will judge me, be turned off by my lies, turn their backs on me?” Adam just whispers and Tommy is sad that he has to deal with so much instead of just enjoying his life right now, but he encourages Adam all the same.  
  
“They would never do that, they´re your friends and family. One thing´s for sure, they will have strong opinions, but they will never cast you aside.” Adam looks at him and his confidence is more reassuring than he could have imagined.  
  
“What would I do without you?” Even though he is smiling, he is serious. Tommy just smiles back and says that he´d be fucked. Adam laughs and it´s not fake, and Tommy loves the sound of that laugh.  
  
“Come on rockstar. Go to your room, make those calls, and when we´re done, we'll figure out what to do from there.” As Adam is leaving, he just can´t resist and gently slaps Tommy´s ass.   
  
Tommy fake growls and Adam just playfully says, “What? I can play with my fiancé, no?” And he thinks he's won when Tommy says nothing, but then again, Tommy is not used to losing battles so he thinks,   
  
“Two can play this game” and with that thought he takes his phone and calls his mom, Liz and his sister.  
  
Calling his mom was easier than he thought it would be, but now he has to call Liz and later, he will have to explain, and that will not be easy. He takes a deep breath and dials Liz´s number.   
  
She picks up almost immediately: “Hey babe, what´s up. Are you having fun?”   
  
“Yeah… I…. Yeah….”   
  
“What´s the matter Tommy?”   
  
Tommy hesitates but mans up and continues. “Liz I… we need to talk…”   
  
He hears her breath hitch in her throat but she tries to talk. “What… what you mean by that…?   
  
“No Liz, no …,“Tommy assures her, “…it´s not what you think, nothing bad. It just has to be dealt with in private. Can you come tomorrow or Wednesday to Adam´s house?”   
  
He´s not even surprised by how unpleasant Liz sounds. “Adam´s house? Why to Adam´s house? What's that supposed to mean Tommy?”  
  
Tommy tries to sound patient. “Liz please, I can´t tell you more over the phone. Just trust me, there's nothing wrong. Just come here and I´ll explain everything.”  
  
“You promise?” Liz asks, still sounding scared.   
  
Adam returns from his bedroom just as Tommy is saying goodbye to Liz. “I promise, don´t worry. Love you, bye.”   
  
Adam didn´t even think about Liz earlier, and now he feels a little guilty: “What if she doesn't understand? What if she says it won't be possible? I can´t let you do this without her approval. What then?” Adam asks sounding vulnerable, afraid.   
  
Tommy didn´t notice that Adam had returned, so he turns around surprised, and hurries to Adam´s side. “Leave her to me. It´ll be okay. Don´t be so afraid.”   
  
Adam embraces Tommy, whispering, “I can´t help myself, but I´ll try.”   
  
Tommy smiles into Adam´s chest, curious as to how things went, so he disentangles himself from Adam´s embrace asking curiously, his eyes searching Adam´s face, once again stopping at Adam´s eyes, taking in the beauty of their blue perfection. “So, how did it go?”  
  
“It went well, I think. Dad said he´ll be here. Mom had a bit of an outburst. She was scared I was ill, so I had to calm her down but she´ll be here. And Neil? Well he said he knew I had knocked you up so he´ll be coming, expecting an announcement that you're pregnant.”   
  
Tommy bursts out laughing and Adam follows soon after. When his face begins to hurts he tries to stop laughing and asks, “He really said that?”   
  
Adam wipes the tears from his eyes. “He did, I told him he´s an ass. He said he´ll come, whatever it is I want to tell him.”   
  
“That´s good I guess, family is important; what about the others?”   
  
Adam takes a breath before he continues: “Lee and Scarlett are coming, even though Lee wanted to know more. When I told him they´ll have to wait 'til Friday, he asked if he wouldn't like what I'm about to tell them and I said probably not. I asked him to bring his camera and other stuff, and Scarlett freaked out at that. She was asking if I was sick and if I´m planning some sort of “take pictures of me when I´m healthy” session. I assured her it´s nothing like that and she finally calmed down. Why does everyone think I'm sick?”   
  
“Because you sound serious and don´t want to tell them anything over the phone,” Tommy states matter of factly.   
  
Adam gives him look but continues. “So after I calmed Scarlet down, they promised to come, but they don´t have a babysitter so they will bring Riff with them.”  
  
Tommy smiles fondly “I love that kid. He will be a nice distraction. What about Sutan?”   
  
Adam smiles thinking about Sutan´s reaction. “Well Sut almost had a heart attack, a real drama queen. “What about you?”   
  
“Umm, good. Mom will come, Mike will bring me my stuff, so I think we´re done with today´s work,” Tommy says.   
  
“What about Lisa? You called her already?” Adam asks and when he sees Tommy is fidgeting and reluctant to answer he insist “Tommy? …. What did she say?”   
  
Tommy looks sad, and sounds as much when answering. “She said she couldn´t come when she doesn´t know what I want, so I told her. To say she was shocked is an understatement. She said it´s not right and I shouldn´t be helping you. I tried to explain why it´s so important for us, but she didn´t hear me out. She said she´s not going to try and persuade me and that the decision is mine, but she won't come to help.”   
  
Adam just stares in silence, finding his voice after a while, taking Tommy in his arms, whispering, “Oh my. I´m so sorry she is mad at you because of me.”   
  
Tommy shakes his head slightly, still hiding his face in Adam´s arms. “It´s okay. We knew it was gonna be tough.” He leaves Adam´s arms and smiles a bit at Adam, takes his hand and leads him to the kitchen. “Come on, I deserve another beer and dinner. What do you have? Burgers and burgers?”   
  
“Well Tommy I…” but Tommy doesn´t let him finish:   
  
“No, forget healthy food…” – now it´s Adam to interrupt with heavy grunt.   
  
“Okay, okay, at least for tonight and later we´ll worry about balance. I´ll eat half of your veggies if you´ll eat half of my burger and before you say that. Don´t. You look hot and sexy, your body looks freaking perfect so don´t you dare.”   
  
And Adam has to smile. Tommy always knows how to make him feel beautiful and warm inside. He kisses Tommy on his forehead and slowly on his lips. His lips fit perfectly to Tommy's sweet, smaller ones. He's kissed Tommy many times, but now he feels a strange sensation like butterflies in his stomach.  
  
When he feels Tommy parting his lips to grant him entrance, he has to hold in a moan but when he dares to deepen the kiss, suddenly his doorbell rings and the moment is broken. He wants to apologize, red as a tomato that he got carried away, but Tommy sushes him with quick peck on the lips.   
  
“You´re still a great kisser, don´t apologize, I like your kisses and if this is supposed to work, we´ll kiss more, in public even, so it´s okay.” And even though he tries to sound casual, his insides are jumping like crazy.  
  
They get to the door and when they confirm it´s Mike by the gate, Adam opens the gate for him and Tommy opens the door. A little later, Tommy is taking his overnight bag from Mike. His grabs his acoustic guitar as well, setting it carefully next the couch in Adam´s living room. Mike says hi to Adam but demands some answers from Tommy. Adam asks if they want privacy, saying he can leave, but Tommy tells him they´ll talk outside. Adam only nods and sits on the couch. He´s waiting for Tommy to return. He knows Mike is protective of Tommy, has always been, and this situation can hurt him so it won't be an easy sell.  
  
When they leave Tommy explains everything about what´s going on. “What?” he wants to ask, but Mike is just staring at him.   
  
When the initial shock is gone, he has to take a few deep breaths. “Have you lost your fucking mind?!” he almost yells and Tommy has to ask him to lower his voice. So Mike speaks quieter but still sharply. “Again! Have you lost your mind? This is insane! You have to know that! You are gonna lose everything when this comes to goddamn light. I know you like him. More than you want to admit, to yourself even, but still it´s craziness.”  
  
Tommy looks up, surprised at Mike´s statement. “What you mean by that?”   
  
“Don´t play dumb Tommy, you know what I mean. I know you like him. Your body and face speak for you when you are together.”   
  
“It´s nothing Mike, I just like him, nothing is going on! You know I have Liz!”   
  
“Okay. You are either stubborn or blind. Just tell me one thing. Is it worth it? Is it worth the risk of losing everything?”   
  
Tommy takes a deep breath and looks straight into Mike´s eyes. “She is worth it Mike, HE is worth it. I will do anything, please help us. He can´t lose Elizabeth, it´ll ruin him”   
  
Mike looks at him and sees one lonely tear running down Tommy´s face. “Tommy ….”   
  
But Tommy wipes the tear quickly, shaking his head: “Don´t Mike, don´t say anything. Just help me. I will survive everything for them. For him. Please!”   
  
Mike resigns, sighing deeply: “Okay, I will help you and when you end up broken-hearted, licking your wounds, I WILL tell you 'I told you so'. Now I will stop being dramatic. You are a big boy. So what else do you need from me? You talked about Marco.”   
  
Tommy sounds relieved that Mike dropped his lecturing and remembers why he needs Marco. “Yes Marco. Adam´s friend Lee will take all the pictures we'll need and Marco is perfect. He makes his living manipulating pictures, and I know from you that he can be discreet. I will need his help with all the fake pictures.   
  
“What kind of pictures?” Mike asks and Tommy answers right away.  
  
“Personal pictures like holidays, birthdays, that kind. Tell him, I pay well. For work and for discretion.”  
  
Mike just nods and is about to leave. He wants to add something, but then he just shakes his head and says as he's leaving,   
  
“I will bring more stuff tomorrow and give Marco a call. Good night crazy man.”  
  
He probably doesn´t expect an answer because he gets into his car and leaves. Tommy exhales deeply, relieved that Mike didn't kill him, but he knows Mike will not just drop it, he will remember the  conversation and bring it up again, but Tommy decides not to think about it right then.  
  
He gets back inside and heads directly to the living room fireplace area. He doesn´t know how, but he knows Adam is by the fire. And he´s right. Adam is half sitting, half laying on the couch with a glass of wine, watching the fire.   
  
Tommy sits on the floor and leans back so his head is resting on the couch. He takes his beer and drinks a mouthful. Adam starts gently stroking his hair and he almost purrs. “How did it go? With Mike?”   
  
  
Tommy tips his head back, watching Adam as he continues to gently play with his hair. “He didn´t rip my head off, or yours. He was pissed, maybe still is, but he'll help us. We need to talk more. Need to put all the details together.”   
  
Adam just nods and drinks more of his wine. They start slowly putting every detail together, since they know they will need all bases covered. They talk quietly, the fire their only witness to them preparing for battle. First date, first holiday, first kiss, and Adam's still stroking Tommy´s hair. Somewhere during their conversation, Tommy starts brushing his palm over Adam's arm. And when late afternoon turns into evening they are still talking. When finally evening turns into night, an almost-asleep Adam pulls an almost-asleep Tommy up onto the couch, holding him close, and they fall asleep just like that, in each other's arms.  
  
Tommy slowly wakes up with an aching pain in his back and with-- ohhhh – Adam´s hard-on poking him. Tommy giggles but then he realizes that his pants are also tighter that they should be. He chuckles again, slowly turns in Adam´s embrace and shakes him lightly. “Adam, Adam wake up man.”   
  
Adam opens his eyes and Tommy adds with a smile, “your woody is poking me.” Adam´s eyes widen and he´s blushing while apologizing but Tommy shushes him, laughing. ”Don´t apologize; I was joking, well I wasn´t, really, but I have one too right now, you can check...”   
  
He takes Adam´s hand and puts it directly on his crotch. Adam inhales sharply, speechless, just staring at his hand on Tommy´s crotch. When he finds his voice he´s more than shocked with Tommy´s boldness. “Tommy what… what the hell are you doing?”   
  
“Proving to you that you´re not the only one with a boner here.” Tommy just can´t hold it in anymore and starts laughing.   
  
Adam cracks up as well, almost right away. “You fucker!” Adam laughs, “Teasing me like this ….” And before Tommy can even blink, he´s on his back, Adam hovering over him. “Maybe I can tease you too.”   
  
Adam bows down, and starts lightly kissing Tommy´s neck. Kissing his way up to his cheek, forehead and nose and in an instant Tommy is lost. Through the haze of arousal Tommy realizes that the atmosphere has changed. That the funny, teasing-flirting evolved into something more, fast. But he doesn´t want to think what that might mean. He just wants to feel. His whole body trembles with anticipation and when Adam´s lips gently touch his, he feels like he's burning in a never ending fire. He moans in pleasure and when Adam wants to deepen the kiss, licking Tommy´s lips, asking for entrance, the doorbell rings.   
  
They both grunt in displeasure but reluctantly they get up. Tommy suddenly feels shy and Adam can sense it somehow. He gives Tommy a quick hug, whispering, “Thank you for a good morning,” and smiles. Tommy smiles back at him and they head off to answer the door.  
  
It turns out to be Mike with more of Tommy´s stuff so they let him in through the gate and wait for him by the door.  His car is loaded with bags and boxes and guitar cases. When he starts unloading, and Adam and Tommy are just standing there, he looks at them in disbelief. “Come on dudes! You ask for help and now you´re just standing there? Help me out.”   
  
They all take what they can and in a few minutes everything is unloaded and moved into Adam´s hallway. Tommy immediately starts rummaging through it. When he can´t find what he wants, he asks,  
  
“Mike, bro. Where are my posters, and my DVDs?”   
  
Mike just rolls his eyes: “Okay, okay. I probably forgot. I never knew how much shit you have. Do you know how heavy your guitars are?”   
  
“Ohh I know. But please, bring me the posters, CDs and DVDs. I need them to make everything perfect.”  
  
“I'll bring them as soon as I can. Do you need help with all of this?” When they both answer, saying they can manage, he starts to head out. But on his way, almost by the door, he suddenly stops and says, “Oh, by the way, Tommy, Liz asked me to tell you that she´ll stop by tomorrow”.    
  
Adam flinches at the mention of Liz´s name; somehow he managed to forget about her. Suddenly he feels a little bit sad because Tommy has spent only one night in his house and he´s already thinking about things, he probably shouldn´t. He knows that even though Tommy may let him flirt with him and kiss him, “they” are not going to happen and if he doesn't protect his heart, he could end up badly hurt. But his treacherous mind drifts into “what if” territory and he is helpless.   
  
Suddenly he snaps out of his thoughts when he realizes Tommy is talking to him. “Hey Adam, where did you go?”   
  
“Nowhere,” Adam says, smiling, and hopes the melancholy doesn't show on his face. “What were you saying?”   
  
Tommy just smiles. “That you should move your rockstar ass and help me unpack.”   
  
Adam smiles and asks what bags he should start with. Tommy hands him one and takes another for himself.  
  
“With these; bedroom and bathroom stuff. Let´s go,” Tommy orders and heads for the upstairs.   
  
He heads for Adam´s bedroom and as he´s about to step inside Adam grabs his hand, uttering a surprised “Where are you going?”   
  
“To your bedroom man, where else?” Tommy answers with a smile, unable to hide his amusement “Where did you think I was going to sleep?”   
  
Adam suddenly looks self-conscious, shy. “I thought that maybe…you know…you wanted… some privacy…” Adam looks away, not able to look into Tommy´s eyes.   
  
Tommy just touches Adam under his chin, forcing him to look at him. “Adam, it´ll never work that way, you have to know that.”   
  
“I know, Tommy, I know. It´s just…… it means sleeping together and I…”   
  
Now Tommy is the one who looks surprised. “Adam, we spent many nights together, on tour, remember? Or do you not want me to stay in your room?”   
  
“No. No. I just… the tour was different. We were drunk or didn´t sleep at all. But here, in my own home… I´m clingy when I know someone is sleeping next to me. I like to be the big spoon, hold the other person in my arms when I'm falling asleep. It´s the way I am. And I´m afraid you might feel uncomfortable.”   
  
And Tommy finally gets it, Adam's fear that he will overstep boundaries, even though it wouldn't be on purpose. “Because you're gay?”   
  
“Yeah. Straight men usually don´t like to sleep in the same bed, let alone with a gay man…”   
  
“Adam,” Tommy says seriously. “I´m not an ordinary straight man, you should know that by now. I´m doing this to help out my best friend, to help out one of the most important people in my life. You want to hold me? Do it. You're afraid of getting morning wood? Don´t be. You got it now? Nothing you're worrying about matters. Not with me. YOU matter and  _she_  matters. We´re doing it for you and for her. You will be the best daddy. We will make it. Tell me you believe me!”   
  
Adam is speechless through the Tommy´s monologue, but he gets it. He smiles back at Tommy, locking him in a short but tight hug. “I do believe you...” Then he takes Tommy´s hand, leading him into his room. “Come on then, time to get you settled.”   
  
They´re both smiling when they start unpacking Tommy´s things and after Adam's one moment of hesitation he´s really enjoying watching Tommy move around his bedroom. Tommy is actually giving him orders about what goes where. They have lovely small disagreements about the counter space in the bathroom where Tommy demands more room for his things, or when Tommy is teasing Adam that his wardrobe is too big for a man.   
  
“That may be true but first of all, I´m not an ordinary man and second of all, you should be glad, because now you will have room for your clothes.” Tommy just rolls his eyes and starts throwing the aforementioned clothing out of his bag.   
  
When Adam wants to hang almost everything on hangers, Tommy protests because he is fine with them just laying in a pile somewhere, but Adam is one pushy fucker so in the end, all of Tommy´s clothes are hanging in Adam´s big-ass wardrobe, and all his shoes are aligned with Adam´s.   
  
They head downstairs to get more things, and Tommy suddenly feels strangely sad. All because he sees how his things fit next to Adam´s. He has to remind himself that none of it is real, and that he´s living on borrowed time right now. But he forces himself not to think about that. This is not about him. It´s about Adam and he´ll take whatever Adam can give and hopefully, he´ll survive without too many wounds on his heart.   
  
He follows Adam quickly, and the next thing that needs to be settled is the placement of his guitars. Tommy decides that one of them can stay in living room, so he doesn´t have to go upstairs if he wants to play. His acoustic will stay closest to him, in Adam´s bedroom, and the rest are going into Adam´s office/music room. When Tommy is on his way back he passes a room with a pink sign that says “Elizabeth”.   
  
Tommy stops, and Adam, who is right behind him, bumps into him. Tommy looks at Adam asking if can take a look inside. When Adam hesitates he says that if he´s intruding he doesn´t have to. Adam answers a bit shyly: “It´s okay, really. I just… no one except me has seen it before”   
  
“No one?”  
  
“No, I finished it just a few days ago,” Adam says, the tenderness showing in his eyes and gentle smile. “Go on,” Adam encourages and Tommy opens the door and sees the most beautiful girl´s room he's ever seen. Everything is cream and light pink. On the walls are all kinds of smiling, funny-looking animals. There is a crib and sofa and furniture and loads and loads of stuffed animals and other toys. Tommy steps in, completely in awe. The bedroom has huge windows, making the room feel light and even bigger. Opposite the windows is another door, leading into an adjoining bathroom.   
  
There is everything Adam might need. From a changing table and diapers, to every kind of baby product a child might need. Tommy looks at Adam, who is looking back at him, and Adam asks nervously with curiosity, “So, what do you think? How did I do? Is it good?”   
  
Tommy looks at Adam like maybe he hit his head. “Good? Are you crazy? It´s absolutely perfect. You did an amazing job Adam. She will love it here.”   
  
Adam smiles from ear to ear. “She will right?” Tommy nods enthusiastically.   
  
A gentle smile plays on his face when he mentions his little niece. “Bridget has so many toys. Her room looks like a stuffed ZOO.” But then he realizes something. “How did you manage to do all this without anybody picking up on anything?”   
  
Adam smiles because Tommy is observant. “Not many people know where I live, and the company I used to help me is very discreet; they charge a pretty penny. But they deserve every cent.” Having spent so much time in Elizabeth´s room, Adam realizes that they entirely forgot breakfast, so they can at least go for a lunch.   
  
Adam makes a reservation at his favorite restaurant. They spend a nice afternoon talking about everything-- Adam´s music, and Tommy's project with Mike. Adam feels really relaxed and he doesn´t even mind the paps taking pictures of them, leaving the restaurant with paper bags full of yummy food for later.  
  
When they get home, they start putting all of the goodies in the fridge when the doorbell interrupts them. It´s Mike with the rest of Tommy´s things. Adam makes tea for himself and coffee for Tommy. While Tommy is taking the rest of his things from Mike, he asks, “Are you still mad?”   
  
Tommy has to ask because Mike is one of his best friends and it´s hard for him to know they´re fighting.  
  
“I´m not mad Tommy, I´m concerned.” Tommy nods because he knows.   
  
He just gives Mike an encouraging smile. “I´ll be okay.” Mike nods and leaves, leaving them alone.     
  
They decide to spend the rest of the late afternoon just like at lunch, hanging out, no work, no worries. Adam lets Tommy watch The Exorcist and Tommy is more than happy to hold Adam when he gets a bit more than just scared. Tommy lets Adam watch some chick flick and Adam is allowed to kick Tommy when he´s making fun of the sentimental, overly sweet ending.   
  
Later Adam heats up the leftovers they brought from the restaurant. They eat it on the patio next to the pool. After dinner they lay on the pool chairs, hands touching just a bit. They alternate between comfortable silence and easy conversation about everything and anything, and soon they´re both drifting off with the sun setting above them. When the air gets chilly Adam wakes up shivering.   
  
He gently shakes Tommy awake and they head up to Adam´s room. Adam is still nervous, even though Tommy told him not to be, but he just can´t help himself. They both take a shower, Tommy first and when Adam comes out of the bathroom, Tommy is already comfortable under the covers. Adam lays down on his side of the bed, which is further from the door, because if Tommy can't sleep, he can leave and doesn't have to wake Adam up.   
  
Tommy feels Adam get into bed and expects him to embrace him or spoon him or something, but when nothing happens, he turns around and sees Adam lying on his back, arms straight along his sides, his eyes closed. He can feel how tense Adam is, and he can´t do anything but roll his eyes and ask, “Adam, is this how you usually fall asleep?”   
  
Adam opens his eyes and looks at him, answering hesitantly. “Not really?”   
  
“Hmmmmm” Tommy replies. “And you do remember what I told you this morning, right?”   
  
“That you don´t mind me being an octopus and clingy?”   
  
“Yes, that.” Tommy says, turning back to his favorite side to fall asleep on, turning his back to Adam. When nothing happens, he loses his patience and growls, “ADAM.”   
  
Adam finally lets his fears go and spoons Tommy from behind. Tommy sighs in relief that they can finally go to sleep, and he´s really comfortable to be the smaller spoon for once.   
  
Just before he falls asleep, Adam whispers into Tommy's ear, “Thank you.” Tommy just nods, drifting off, happy that his insomnia is letting him sleep for once. As Adam is holding Tommy, he thinks about what the coming days will bring and when he starts concentrating on Tommy´s regular breathing, he starts drifting off himself and soon they´re both asleep, dreaming about the other.  
  
  
  
The next morning is comfortably slow. Adam´s bed is crazy comfortable and Tommy could get used to it. Adam doesn´t seem to feel shy or anything and even gives Tommy a brief, hesitant good-morning kiss on the cheek. They both get up and make themselves human again in the bathroom, pinching and poking while brushing their teeth. At breakfast, Adam complains that Tommy is forcing him to eat unhealthy food like eggs, bacon and likewise Tommy rejects Adam´s attempts to make him eat what Tommy considers to be rabbit food. They end up laughing and joking and somehow sharing. Adam takes a slice of bacon and one mouthful of eggs and it tastes great, and Tommy eats a small portion of salad, that he thinks (surprisingly) doesn´t taste bad.  
  
After breakfast they decide to deal with the rest of Tommy´s things and after a while, they come to the last items which are Tommy´s CDs, DVDs and posters. In the middle of a small but intense dispute, about where Tommy´s DVDs will go and how they will be organized (Tommy wants them  sorted alphabetically, mixed in with Adam´s, but Adam thinks that organizing them by genre works better), the doorbell rings.   
  
As Adam goes to open the door, he's laughing. “We´re not done yet, we'll finish this later!” He automatically buzzes the gate open since he expects it to be Mike.   
  
His smile fades when he sees that it´s Liz standing by the door, because he forgot that she was supposed to come by. “Uhhm, hi,” she says. “Tommy wanted to talk to me.”   
  
  
Adam recovers quickly and politely invites her in. They are almost in the living room when they hear Tommy yelling, “Get your ass back here. We have to finish this, everything else can…” Tommy stops yelling when he sees that Adam is accompanied by Liz and just finishes his sentence with, “…………wait.”   
  
He can see Liz looking around, seeing all his things, like they'd always belonged there. He can see her confusion even before she asks, “Can you explain to me what is going on?”   
  
Tommy looks at Adam and sees the fear in his face again. He goes to Liz, asking her softly, “Can you wait for me here for a second, I´ll be right back, okay baby?”   
  
Liz just nods and heads for the couch. She sits there while Tommy is talking to Adam. She can´t look without turning but she can hear Tommy's gentle, lowered voice. “Don´t be afraid. It´ll be okay, she will understand.”    
  
Liz can´t hear any answer so she assumes that Adam nodded because after that she hears Adam whispering   
  
“I…. I´ll give you some space.”   
  
“You don´t have to, we can go to the patio or…” Adam cuts him off again   
  
“It´s okay, I have some errands to do so …..”   
  
“Adam…”   
  
“It´s really okay, I will be back in a few hours.”   
  
Adam takes his car keys and his wallet and heads out. From the sound of two sets of footsteps, Liz assumes Tommy is walking Adam out. She is completely lost and confused, but tries to stay calm, to wait for an explanation.   
  
By the door Tommy assures Adam once again that it´ll be okay, then closes the door and heads for the living room... for a conversation that he knows will not be easy, but has to be had.  
  
Tommy comes back into the living room and can see the tension in how Liz is sitting. He sits next to her and looks her in the eye and suddenly feels guilty and he´s not sure why because he´s not cheating. They´re not cheating, but the guilt is still there.   
When he says nothing Liz finally speaks. “So will you explain to me what´s going on here? Why are you staying in Adam´s house and why does it look like all of your things are here?”  
  
“Will you let me first tell you what´s going on without interrupting?” Liz nods and Tommy takes a deep breath and starts to explain. He tells Liz everything she needs to know and while he's explaining, he can see the emotions changing on her face. Surprise, fear, jealousy and when he´s finished, the one he´s been expecting – anger.   
  
“Now you know everything. Please you have to understand. I have to, and want to help him.”   
  
How can you expect me to understand? When all of this comes to light in the public eye, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to say I know he cheated on me? I didn´t know he was planning to start a family with his best friend behind my back? No matter what, I will look like a total fool.”   
  
Tommy can only nod. “I know, it´s complicated but please help me, we can survive it.”   
  
Liz starts to laugh. “We? We? Tommy this isn't about 'we' but about 'me'; you already decided to help him and nothing can change your mind. Am I right?”   
  
Tommy says nothing so Liz asks again “Am I right?”   
  
Tommy just nods, trying to find a way to express his feelings. 

Liz is watching him and can feel the inner fight in Tommy. “Tell me one thing, will you be able to come back to me at the end? Come to me as if nothing ever happened? And when  _will_  this end?”   
  
“I don´t know, Liz” Tommy says. He had everything prepared, every detail and now he doesn´t know what to say.   
  
“So you´re saying that you don´t know when this will end. You only live together, sleep together and it doesn´t mean anything? How am I supposed to believe that?”   
  
“What do you mean by that? Yes we shared a bed but we´re not cheating on you! How can you think that? I would never do that to you!”   
  
“I know you aren´t cheating on me, intentionally. But can you tell me you have no feelings for him?”  
  
“What …what…?” And now he really doesn´t know what´s happening.   
  
But Liz cuts him off again. “Tell me the real reason. Why are you so eager to help him? You could lose everything. Why is he more important than me, your work, your reputation?”   
  
Tommy doesn´t know why, but he feels like he has to be honest. For the first time in a long time, he has to be honest. “Because they are both worth it, Liz. Adam is my best friend and to see him suffer, it hurts so much. I didn´t even need to think about it. I just know I have to help. I can´t see him suffer because…because…”   
  
He is not able to finish the sentence so Liz does it for him. “Because you have feelings for him.”   
  
Tommy only nods “I´m sorry. It happened…. I didn´t mean to…”   
  
Liz smiles sadly. “I know, I know. I think maybe the feelings were there, you just didn´t want to acknowledge them. I didn´t want to see them…”   
  
“What you mean you didn´t want to see them?” Tommy asks.   
  
“I mean, you were always close, but the last few months, I felt like you started to become more distant. At first I thought I was imagining it, but after a while I knew something was wrong but just didn´t want to see it, because what we had was great. But today, when you rushed to assure him that it would be all right, I saw the affection and I can´t overlook it anymore.”   
  
Tommy feels a single tear running down his cheek and Liz wipes it away. Tommy can ´t even look at her, looking at the floor instead. “I´m sorry…. I don´t know what else to say. Please don´t hate me.”  
  
Liz has tears in her eyes when she answers gently, “I don´t hate you. Look at me, please.” Tommy looks up and Liz continues, “I don´t hate you. I´m not saying it doesn´t hurt, because it does, but I don´t hate you.”  This – us – probably just wasn´t what God has in store for me.” She finishes with a tiny, but sad smile.   
  
Tommy feels a little calmer but the guilt is clear in his voice when he answers, “I hope you can forgive me, one day?”   
  
“I´m sure I will, but right now? It´s too hard, too painful. I´m gonna go now.” Tommy can see she´s trying not to cry. He follows her but she stops him. “Don´t. Don´t say anything please, just let me leave.”   
  
After that she almost runs out of the door, and through the window Tommy can see her shoulders shaking as she´s leaving. Tommy feels terrible, because he knows he broke her heart but at the same time, he´s relived that it´s over. But the relief doesn´t last long. Their conversation replays in his mind. He has to face the truth that finally, he admitted his feelings for Adam. Is it just attraction? Is it love? He doesn´t know but one thing is for sure. Adam sees him as a best friend and that hurts. He returns to the living room, lays down on the sofa; suddenly all the emotions are overwhelming.   
  
The loss and the fear; fear of his own feelings and fear of what the future will bring. Fear of losing Adam after this is all over. As he cries, he slowly drifts off, dreaming of a future spend with Adam and Elizabeth: a future that he´s sure he will never have.  
  
  
Adam comes back pretty late, his errands taking him longer than he expected.  He´s really surprised when he gets no answer to his greeting. He´s more surprised to find Tommy sleeping on the couch. He smiles and shakes Tommy to wake him up. “Tommy, wake up lazy boy, nap time is over.”   
  
Tommy wakes up and the moment Adam sees his face his good mood is gone. Tommy looks tired and his eyes look like he was crying. Tommy even sounds tired when he asks, “Where have you been so long?”  
  
“I had few personal matters to take care of, and some work things too. We´ll be busy this weekend so better to take care of them earlier rather than later. I had a meeting with Dana and the band too.”   
  
“Why would you meet them without me?” Tommy asks, sounding insecure.   
  
“I had to tell them what´s going on. I´m sorry we didn't have time to discuss it. I wanted to do it before Liz came, but we had no time. They were shocked but they understand and they promised not to tell anyone. “Speaking of Liz, how did that go?” Adam asks.   
  
The way Tommy freezes and then quickly looks down tells him something is wrong “Tommy…?”   
  
“It went okay, kind of. She didn't make a scene or anything, but there is probably no way we can survive this so…”   
  
Adam covers his mouth with his hand, shocked. “So… so you two…?”   
  
Tommy nods his head. “Yeah.”   
  
Adam hugs Tommy tightly and whispers apologies, because he really feels bad.   
  
Tommy just shushes him. “It´s not your fault,” and when Adam looks at him doubtfully, he continues, “It´s not. I knew it could end this way. It wasn't just about this! It wasn´t perfect between us before. It was one factor, yes, but not the only one. So please, stop blame yourself.”   
  
“I just… I feel bad, because this whole mess is my fault.”   
  
“I know, but I also know your little angel is worth the trouble so stop worrying. And by the way, what were the personal things you had to take care of?” Tommy asks, trying to change the subject. Adam gets that, but decides to play along.   
  
Not without teasing Tommy though. “Ohhh nothing you should worry about. Come on, let's eat dinner.”   
  
Tommy looks at Adam closely and sees his smile is anything but genuine. “Adam? Are you avoiding my question? Are you… teasing me?”   
  
Adam´s smile growing wider is the answer to his question and Adam just throws his arm around Tommy´s shoulder, whispering playfully, “Yes and yes. You wanna know what I was doing? Wait and you´ll see.”   
  
Tommy fake complains in a desperate voice, but Adam can see the smile in his eyes. During dinner Tommy tries again and again to find out what Adam was doing but Adam is tough and gives away nothing. By the time they´re ready for bed, Adam´s face hurts from laughing, because some of the theories Tommy came up with were insanely funny.   
  
Although at first Tommy was bringing the theories up in all seriousness, but then it became more of a game, and they became funnier, because they made Adam smile and he wanted to see that smile, genuine and real. And when Adam slips under the covers and holds him close, not making a big deal out of it like the night before, Tommy sighs contently and let´s himself fall asleep listening to Adam humming quietly, just for him.  
  
  
Thursday starts early for both of them as Adam has a business appointment and Tommy decides to go for groceries and other things because that weekend they will have house full of people so they need to have everything ready. Mike picks him up and they spend a big part of the morning shopping.   
  
Tommy knows Mike talked to Liz, and just waits for him to bring the subject up. When they are sitting at the restaurant, and he has a mouthful of delicious taco, Mike finally asks him about Liz and Adam and everything. He tries to answer as honestly as he can, because no one is closer to him than Mike.   
  
They talk all the way back to Adam´s house, and when they get all the bags inside, and Mike is leaving, he hugs Tommy tightly. “Good luck man and don´t let him break your heart.”   
  
Tommy just smiles. “Thank you for everything, It´ll be all right, I know it will,” and with that Mike leaves and Tommy heads inside to prepare the guest bedrooms for his mom and Adam´s parents and the Cherry´s.   
  
Sleeping will be hard during the weekend with a full house, and he just chuckles gleefully because Neil will definitely be thrilled that he can sleep on a couch. After everything is ready for their visitors he heads to the kitchen to prepare dinner for him and Adam. Contrary to popular belief, he can cook, he´s not reliant on fast food. He decides to go for chicken and herbs, with salad for Adam and fries for him. He decides on no wine as they don´t need to deal with a hangover these days.   
  
When Adam comes home the prepared dinner leaves him speechless. Tommy says it´s because they will have no quiet time for a few days, and Adam gratefully enjoys the meal. They spend dinner and most of the evening talking about the upcoming weekend and Tommy tries to dispel Adam's doubts, because as the evening goes by, Adam starts to look sad and worried and he doesn´t like that sight at all.   
  
When they get to bed that night, Tommy feels when Adam spoons him that he´s holding him much tighter and he fully realizes how scared Adam is. How much he fears the next day, and that no matter what Tommy did and will do for him, if their friends and families refuse to help them, he will lose everything. And even though Tommy continues to reassure him, he´s still scared. So he does the only thing he can. He takes Adam´s hand into his, holds it tightly and whispers all the comforting things he can come up with until he can hear Adam´s breath become even and he falls asleep.  
  
In the morning Adam looks tired and he´s not talking to Tommy at all. Tommy knows better than to take it personally, so he tries to act normal. Aafter their breakfast he heads for the patio. Sitting on the pool chair, playing his acoustic guitar, he leaves Adam alone just watch the fire, not really there. He´s so deep in thought he doesn´t even notice Adam come outside.   
  
He sits down next to him and looks at Tommy. “I´m sorry.”   
  
“For what?” Tommy doesn't stop playing.   
  
“For being an ass, for ignoring you the whole morning. You don´t deserve it. I didn´t mean to…”   
  
Tommy looks at him and can see the sadness in Adam´s eyes. “No, don´t apologize. I know you have a lot on your mind and you didn´t mean…” Adam interrupts him.  
  
“But I hurt you anyway. You are doing so much for me and I repay you like this. Please forgive me.”   
  
Tommy stops playing and sets the guitar beside his chair, resting his head on Adam´s chest. “There is nothing to forgive. I´m here for you.”   
  
Adam starts play with Tommy´s hair and Tommy smiles because he's noticed that Adam likes to play with his hair. “You know what?” Adam asks and Tommy looks at him.  
  
“What?”   
  
“I don´t deserve you but I´m happy I have you. After all this is over, we´ll go for a long holiday. Me, my little girl and you. What do you say?”   
  
“I say it´s great idea,” Tommy says. He hopes he sounds convincing and the big jab he felt wasn´t visible in his expression because it hurt to hear that Adam feels nothing but friendship and gratitude, but he tells himself again that this is not about him.  
  
Adam doesn´t seem to notice anything, as he´s just happy Tommy forgave him. He stands and takes Tommy´s hand. “Come on, we have a dinner to prepare.”   
  
Tommy stands and follows Adam inside. He can see that Adam is trying not to show how nervous and scared he is, but Tommy sees it anyway.   
  
Dinner preparations go really well and smoothly. Even Adam laughs at Tommy´s jokes a few times and receives a gentle kiss on his bandaged finger when he cuts it while slicing veggies, but as the time passes, he starts to get nervous again and starts dropping everything.   
  
Tommy finally has had enough and orders him to sit down and just be still. Adam starts to apologize again, but Tommy silences him with a piece of fruit. When there is nothing more left to do they decide to get ready. Take a shower, do their makeup, and wait.   
  
When Tommy leaves what is now their bedroom, he finds Adam pacing the hall, looking stunning dressed in just black pants and a shirt. He looks like a gorgeous, trapped animal.   
  
Tommy goes over to him and stops him. “Adam stop, you have to be strong right now.”   
  
Adam looks at him and his whole being is screaming with panic. “I can´t. I tried to control my emotions but it´s not working.”   
  
Tommy know he has to calm Adam down so he looks directly into Adam´s eyes. “You have to! These are your friends and our families. Not your enemies. They will not hurt you. We both know that they will be upset, but they will not hurt you. And even if they tried to, I wouldn't let them. I will protect you. We will make it!”   
  
Adam smiles weakly and thinks how happy he is to have Tommy on his side and his heart clenches because he knows that Tommy is doing it because of their friendship and when this is over, he will walk away. But he would rather have Tommy in his life as his best friend than not at all because it´s not Tommy´s fault he has feelings for him.  
  
He answers and tries to sound as strong as he can. “We will make it!”   
  
Tommy smiles. “Yes we will.” He kisses Adam fast but sweet and just as Adam is about to ask him something, the doorbell rings. They look at each other, both taking a deep breath. Tommy takes Adam´s hand in his and together they go to answer the door. They gave the code for the gate to their visitors so they don´t need to buzz the gate open.   
  
When Adam opens the door, Lee and Scarlett are waiting to be invited in. Riff is napping in his mom´s arms and when he wakes up he immediately reaches out to Adam. Adam takes him in his arms. “Hey big man,” he says and invites his friends in.   
  
Tommy helps Lee with his photography equipment and when everything is inside, Adam shows them their guestroom. When they´re settled in, Lee and Scarlett come down and Lee can´t help but ask Adam what´s going on, but Adam pleads with him to be patient and wait for the others.   
  
Tommy fixes them all drinks, even gets orange juice for Riff, who's happily nesting in his mother´s lap. Tommy heads for the kitchen to finish dinner and soon enough Tommy´s mom and Adam´s parents arrive. Adam welcomes them and as they´re settling in to their respective bedrooms, Sutan arrives with Neil. If their guests are surprised to see all of Adam's and Tommy's stuff mixed together, they´re not saying anything. Yet. Adam is more than happy that Sutan arrived and directs him to his bedroom. He´s a little too happy to inform Neil that his home is not inflatable so he will sleep on the couch.   
  
When everyone has a drink in hand and they are all greeting each other, Adam disappears into the kitchen, resting his head on the doorframe.   
  
“They´re all here. Are you ready?” Adam asks, and Tommy knows he´s not asking about the dinner at all.   
  
“In a few minutes. Come here and sit for a few.”   
  
But Adam shakes his head. “I should go, you know… be there and stuff.”   
  
Tommy turns around from his spot at the stove to face him. “Come here and sit, this will be a tough evening. Relax for a few minutes more.”  
  
Adam comes close enough to kiss him, lightly, and he sits down to watch Tommy finish everything. “You had wine,” Adam remarks, having tasted it on Tommy´s lips.   
  
Tommy answers with a smile. “You´re not the only one who´s nervous, man.”  
  
Back in the living room, their families and friends are getting to talk to each other and they all are guessing as to why Adam and Tommy invited them over. Neil´s guess about Adam knocking Tommy up makes them all laugh, but Tommy´s mom says that she couldn´t help but notice that it looks like they´re living together as all of their things are mixed together and on display around the house.   
  
Leila agrees, and she´s more confused at that, because she had no idea that they were even dating, let alone living together. When the conversation drifts into the area of “what ifs” and “probably” and “maybe”, Adam and Tommy appear in the doorway, inviting them all into the main dining room because the living room is too small for dining. The table is set with an array of plates with all kinds of food from meat to fruits, sliced into small pieces. Adam and Tommy decided that this would be better since they will be explaining things during dinner and with a regular meal, who knows how things would end. When everyone is settled and has food on their plates, they both remain standing and Adam takes the floor, while Tommy holds his hand in support.   
  
“So I know you are curious about why I…” Adam feels Tommy squeeze his hand so he corrects himself. “…why we invited you here, and I know that… we also owe you an explanation.” They´re all watching him so he takes a deep breath and starts. “The truth is, I fucked up my adoption pretty badly…“   
  
And with that, Adam starts to tell the story about a girl he loves and all the lies he made up. The more he talks, the more in shock everyone seems to be. His mom covers her mouth with her hand, while his dad is frowning. Neil looks confused, and both Sutan and Tommy´s mom look like they´re about to cry. Adam is still explaining and as he adds more and more information, he can see the emotions in his mother´s eyes: sadness and shame and hurt. Is it anger or disappointment in his father´s eyes? When he finishes speaking, the silence is heavy and long and Adam knows that he has disappointed everyone in this room and the shame of his behavior hits him hard and all he can do is will himself not to cry. To stay strong, at least for a few more minutes. After a long silence he can hear Sutan´s “Oh my God,” and Neil´s sarcastic, “My perfect brother has a flaw,” but all he can do is wait because his parents haven´t said a word.   
  
When his mom speaks, her voice is full of suppressed sadness and maybe some tears. “How could you do that? I didn´t raise you that way!”   
  
Right after that, his father adds, “What are you expecting from us now? What you did was not right, Adam.”   
  
“I know dad, I know,” he says and as he´s looking around the table he sees his friends judging him as he thought they might, but when he sees his mom, completely speechless by his actions, that hurt look in her eyes, he can´t hold it any longer.   
  
He hides his face in Tommy´s arms, crying silently.   
  
Tommy feels how close Adam is to fall to pieces, so he calls out to Riff. “Hey Riff, buddy. Come here.” Riff looks at his mom and when Scarlett looks at Tommy he mouths, “Please”, so she nods and Riff hurries over to Tommy. “Hey buddy, can you take uncle Addy to the garden? He got all the toys ready so you can play there.”   
  
Adam looks up at Tommy in surprise, but when Riff says, “Uncle Addy, uncle Tommy said you would come and play with me?”   
  
Tommy caresses his cheek and says quietly, “Go”.   
  
Adam takes Riff in his arms and leaves the dining room, not looking back because he can´t stand to see all the disappointment.  
  
When Adam leaves, Tommy speaks again. “Go on, ask. I know you have a lot of questions.” Suddenly the whole room is full of questions.  
  
“Why are we here?”, “Are you two living together?”, “Since when are you dating?”, “How could you do this?”, “Isn´t that illegal?”, “Whose plan was this?”... All the questions he expected, and he answers them all. Everyone is talking over one another. Everyone is shocked or surprised or, in Neil´s case, sarcastic, but what scares him most is Leila´s silence.   
  
When he addresses her directly, she only asks, “Why did you send Adam away? My son should be here, giving us the answers, because what he did was beyond wrong and from what I understand, you want us to help you, so shouldn´t he be here?” and everyone seems to agree with that.   
  
Tommy takes another breath before answering. “He knows it was wrong Leila, believe me. He knows it. You have no idea how scared he was to even tell you all of this because, believe me he is not proud of himself. But I couldn´t let him stay here any longer. Right now, he´s in a very unsteady place. He is facing the fact that he could lose everything he wants right now and to see you judging him, it was too much. I had to send him away, I just can´t stand to see him suffer that much.”   
  
“Okay, we got that from his explanation, that he´s in trouble, so what are we supposed to do?” Lee asks and Scarlett nods.   
  
“We want to ask you for help. Help us to fake our relationship. As you can see, all my stuff is here and we have to make it look like we are a happy couple. Please help us!”   
  
When he finishes, his mother speaks for the first time “I know you love Adam and that he is your best friend, but what you are planning is very dangerous, maybe even illegal. That´s a serious decision to make,” and Adam´s father adds to the argument.  
  
  
“That´s very true, Tommy. I appreciate what you are doing for my…” he takes Leila´s hand into his, “…our son, but why would we all risk everything? He, and you, could lose everything when this comes out. Tell me one good reason for us to do it, when our son can´t do it by himself?”   
  
Tommy was expecting that question and he knows it won't be easy to convince them. “I will tell you what I told him, and my best friend, and my now ex-girlfriend. Because she´s worth it. He´s worth it. You don´t know how much he loves her. For you she's just some child in a picture he´s talking about, that he wants to adopt. But for him, she´s a little angel. Let me ask you something. When and where do you think he´s the happiest? When was the happiest you ever saw him?”   
  
It is an easy question and everyone answers that his music is his life and that he loves it most. Sutan says that the happiest he ever saw Adam was after his first solo concert. Tommy smiles and continues   
  
“If you think you've seen him at his happiest, you are all wrong, in a way. You never saw him when he talks about Elizabeth, when he´s showing me her pictures and stuff he bought for her. He has a bedroom ready for her with everything she might need until she´s like 5 years old.” And as he continues he looks out of the window and sees Adam playing with Riff.  
  
“I know you may not understand, or may not agree, and I know it´s dangerous, and what it could cost us, but you didn't see him a week ago. When he thought he was going to lose everything, he was devastated and broken. You never saw him, how broken he was after Sauli left him. He managed to survive a broken heart, but if he loses Elizabeth, it´ll crush him and I´m not sure if he will be able to put himself back together again. Please, I know we can probably manage without your help, but that will devastate him too. The knowledge that his family and friends rejected him? He will never recover from that.” Tommy finishes and he knows he's said everything he could, “And now the decision is yours. If you want, I´ll leave and give you time to think, but please, don´t take long.”  
  
And with that he leaves the room, heading for the garden to join Riff and Adam.   
  
When Tommy appears, Adam hurries over and hugs him, holding him tightly.   
  
”How did it go? I´m sorry I wasn´t strong enough to stay.” Tommy just lets Adam hold him   
  
“They´re talking right now, probably deciding. I did all I could.” They would stay like that longer, but Riff interrupts them and they go to play with him.  
  
Meanwhile in the dining room, everyone is talking to everyone. They are all trying to process what Adam and Tommy told them. They share stories about Elizabeth´s future that Adam dreamed for her. About her first steps, about her high school days. Even one story about what will happen when she brings home her first boyfriend, how Adam will shoot him right then and there...and that makes everyone laugh.   
  
And as silent as Sutan has been during the whole evening, he has one story to share. “Adam told me a while ago, just after Sauli left him. He said he loves her so much, that he will be broken when she gets married. But that he will be happy at the same time because he will give her hand to the person she will love. She will look like a princess on her wedding day,” he said. “We all know what he did was wrong, but we should help him. He thinks of her not just as a child, but as his daughter.”   
  
Tommy´s mom looks at Adam´s parents and speaks gently. “Are you willing to help him? He knows he disappointed you and I know that he regrets it. But what is done is done and now your son thinks you hate him.”   
  
Leila looks at her in shock. “Of course I don´t hate him, I will help him. I will let him know he did the wrong thing, but I will help him. And his dad will help too, right Eber?”   
  
Eber just smiles and says, “Sure I will help him. He´s my son. It´s not the first time he's done something, well let´s just say crazy, and oddly enough, your son was involved then too.”   
  
Both moms smile and Dia says, “Does anyone here need more time, or do we agree that no matter how dangerous this is, we are going to help them?”   
  
Everyone agrees and suddenly Leila leans over to whisper to Dia, “And I think your son loves mine more than he´s letting on, or telling himself for that matter.”   
  
Dia just smiles. “I think you are right and that it goes both ways. It´ll be a happy day when they finally realize it.” They want to go out and find Adam, but Lee is standing by the window, watching Adam and Tommy with his son, so he just taps on the glass and when they turn around he gestures to Adam to come in. He watches Tommy give him just one short reassuring kiss and smile and after a brief exchange, Adam heads inside.    
  
When Tommy hears the knocking, he turns around and a second after that Adam is turning too. They see Lee gesturing to come inside. Adam whispers that he´s afraid, but Tommy kisses him and smiles encouragingly. “Should I go with you?”   
  
Adam takes a deep breath and says, “No, stay here with Riff, I have to face them.” With that he goes inside.   
  
When he gets back to the dining room, he sees his mom and dad and he throws himself into their arms. They hold him while he´s apologizing over and over again. His parents silence him and his mom starts to speak for all of them. “We know that you know, that what you have done was wrong, but we are your family. We can be disappointed or hurt, but we love you and we are going to help you.”   
  
After that Adam starts crying and everyone rushes to calm him down, to hug him and assure him that everything will be all right.   
  
“You are lucky that your man loves you like he does,” Neil says, and Adam just nods, not really taking in what he said. His eyes are wandering around and he sees Tommy playing with Riff, spinning around and around. When Tommy notices someone is watching them he looks back and his eyes meet with Adam´s and he smiles widely at him.   
  
Adam smiles back and blows Tommy a kiss and gestures for him to come inside. Tommy laughs and pretends to catch his kiss and holds it close to his heart. Adam is caught up in his own world right now, with Tommy there alone, he doesn´t even realize that everyone is watching him. When he sees Tommy take Riff by his hand, tidying up all the toys and heading inside, he turns around, still smiling.   
  
He sees everyone staring at him, speechless. “What?”   
  
A chorus of “Nothing” surprises him, and then Sutan has to ask  
  
“So you and Tommy? You know….you´re dating?” Adam looks surprised but answers right away.  
  
“No, we´re not. He´s my best friend. It´s not like that.”   
  
But Sutan´s not giving up. “But you live together and I bet you sleep together too,” he adds and giggles but Adam tries to explain.  
  
“Yes, we share the same bed, but that has nothing to do with anyth ……” He doesn´t even finishes his sentence because the second Tommy walks in, he´s running to hug him, like nothing else exists. Sutan just gestures towards them so everyone can see it and rolls his eyes.   
  
“They will help us,” He says with relief.   
  
Tommy smiles at them widely. “Thank you. Thank you very much.”   
  
They all echo each other's “you´re welcome” and Tommy leaves Adam´s embrace to hug them all. When his hugs have all been doled out, he looks at Adam and after what everyone can take as a silent conversation, excuses them both, saying that it is late and they are tired so they will head for bed. They head upstairs, leaving their family and friends to themselves. When they get to bed, for the first time in what feels like forever, Adam falls asleep with hope instead of with fear.   
  
Downstairs their family members talk a bit more, and after the goodnights are said, they head to their respective bedrooms as well. Only Neil complains because he knows that this weekend, his back will give him hell thanks to sleeping on Adam´s couch.   
  
  
In the morning Neil is woken up by little Riff Cherry and his complaining has no limits, because it´s bad enough sleeping on a “damn designer couch” and even worse is to be woken up by a small person jumping on your stomach “so damn early” but Scarlett just laughs and tells him when he has children of his own he´ll get used to it.   
  
Neil swears that he will have no children and all of the house guests laugh. Everyone is downstairs, enjoying breakfast, except for Adam and Tommy.  Not that they are not awake, but Adam is fidgeting on the bed while Tommy is taking a shower. He knows his family is going to help, but he can´t help himself. He still feels unsettled and seeing Tommy emerge from the bathroom wrapped only in a towel around his waist doesn´t help his nervousness.   
  
Tommy gives him an encouraging smile, and sits next to him, patting his shoulder. “Stop it, Adam. You don´t have to be afraid anymore. There will be no more judging. Try to enjoy this weekend. We will fight our battles later, but try to have fun.” Adam smiles and nods.   
  
Tommy gently smacks him. “Now go. I´ll just get dressed and be down shortly.” He stands up and heads for the wardrobe to find something nice to wear, when he realizes that Adam hasn´t moved.   
  
“Adam?”   
  
Adam sighs, not looking at Tommy   
  
“Does it makes me a coward that I want to wait so we can go together?”    
  
“No, it makes you crazy” Tommy says. “Now I will let you stay and wait, but you are gonna turn around and not watch while I change. Clear?”   
  
“Crystal clear,” Adam says happily, jumping a little on the bed as he´s turning around. Tommy shakes his head and gets dressed quickly.   
  
“Done. Now, Mr. Shy, are you ready to…. He can´t finished his sentence because Adam interrupts his speech, smiling widely, watching Tommy.   
  
“Touché.”   
  
Tommy looks at him, adorably confused. “Care to explain?”   
  
  
Adam´s smile gets even wider. “Haha. You called me Mr. Shy just a few seconds after asking me to turn around, so you could change.”   
  
Tommy smiles, leans toward him, and whispers playfully, “Oh well, Mr. Sparkly. A man has to have some secrets. If you´re a good boy, I may show you my secrets. One day.”    
  
Adam watches in disbelief, and when Tommy starts to walk toward him, he just raises an eyebrow. “What are you doing?”  
  
Tommy keeps coming closer, leaning down and saying, “I know some of your secrets” and with that he attacks him and Adam starts to laugh because he is ticklish. His laugh is pure, stress and pain free and Tommy loves that very much.   
  
After a while Adam realizes that Tommy has stopped and is just watching him. “What?”   
  
“Nothing,” Tommy says with a wide smile “It´s just so great to see you laughing. It seems rare these days.” Adam reaches out his hand, to bring Tommy´s head closer to his, joining their foreheads together   
  
“Thank you for making me laugh.”   
  
Tommy squeezes his hand lightly. “Anytime.” Then he smiles more. “Are you ready to join me and the others for a breakfast?”   
  
“I think I am,” Adam says, and they both head downstairs for breakfast. Adam is surprised that no one seems to be upset or nervous after the previous dramatic evening, and that helps Adam lose some of his nervousness as well.   
  
They join the family at the breakfast table and again Adam takes a bit of Tommy´s unhealthy food and Tommy eats a small portion of salad. When Dia asks Tommy why they did that, he says that it's kind of their routine at breakfast and it makes everyone smile. 

During breakfast, Lee asks what they want to do that day and the next. They discuss it together, and after a while, a schedule is made. For Saturday it´s vacation pictures in front of the green background, and later on their engagement dinner. Sunday will be the pool and grill party.  
  
After Lee sets everything up, he gives everyone orders. Because it´s a holiday scenario, everyone is asked to wear shorts and t-shirts. Tommy feels like a kid when they´re shooting. Lee tells everyone what they should imagine in every picture.   
  
One shot is boys and moms on the beach, and while Adam is a bit shy with Dia, Tommy hangs on to Leila really tight. Dia just kisses Adam on the cheek, telling him to relax. Adam smiles and relaxes and finally starts to enjoy the shoot.   
  
He even takes Tommy in his arms suddenly, with no warning. Tommy yelps and throws his hands around Adam´s neck. Lee continues shooting because nothing is better than spontaneous, natural reactions. And Tommy´s pleads for Adam not to drop him, Adam´s laughter and both mom´s wide smiles are the best things he could have wished for.   
  
Tommy laughs hard when they are pretending Adam and Neil are buried in the sand, and Tommy is covering them up more and more. Adam is smiling, because it's really ridiculous and he´s secretly happy Neil is suffering in silence while he´s kissing Tommy. As Lee put it, 'authentically' because they love each other but don´t get carried away because they were in public on the beach. The final picture is overly sweet as Tommy is kissing Adam and a few inches away Neil is making all kinds of faces, suffering a lot.  
  
Once they are done with the funny set, they take some more intimate shots like Adam holding his sandals in his hand as they are walking hand in hand on the beach, or Adam sitting on the beach, Tommy between his bent legs. Adam´s chin resting on Tommy´s shoulder, embracing him. Together they´re watching the ocean. After finishing that set Lee takes some solo pictures of the moms and Neil and Sutan.   
  
When the doorbell rings, Tommy discovers it´s Marco by the gate so he lets him in and invites him inside. Marco tells him that he knows from Mike what his job is there, and not to worry. The pictures will be flawless and he is discreet, so the only thing that remains is to introduce him to the others. They all welcome him warmly and he connects with Lee right away. They start talking about what Lee wants to be in the pictures and they discuss how to do it.   
  
Suddenly Adam and Tommy find themselves at a loss of what to do next, so Tommy goes to ask Lee, while Sutan talks to Adam. “Why am I here? I know very well that you and Tommy can do your own makeup; you don´t need me.” Adam has to smile because Sutan is observant.   
  
He smiles at him, answering, “Because you are family. Not by blood but you are.”   
  
Sutan hugs him tightly and he has to laugh when he hears “Hands off!” from Tommy. He laughs when letting Adam go. Tommy informs Adam that they are no longer needed until dinner, and Lee has recommended a remote place. It's a huge house with a small artificial pond and gardens, hidden just outside of LA on his good friend´s property. He will be expecting them. They will have privacy to take some more personal pictures.   
  
After they say goodbye everyone starts to work on separate tasks. Lee works with Marco on the first batch of pictures; the moms head for the kitchen to prepare a celebration dinner, and Sutan and Scarlett take the dining room for themselves. It has to look perfect. And while Neil and Eber don't have much to do, they become babysitters for the day.  
  
  
The ride to Lee´s friend´s home is smooth and easy with the GPS.  When they get there, an older gentleman invites them in, and introduces himself as Dominic. He smiles at them. “Now I understand why you need privacy. Men like you don´t have much of it when you want to spend some time together. Am I right?”   
  
Adam smiles back at him, and answers honestly, “You are right. I appreciate that you will let us spend one afternoon in your sanctuary.” Dominic shows them how to get to the gardens and leaves. They fall in love with the gardens and the little pond instantly. It´s so peaceful there, and really beautiful. Grass and trees in harmony with flowers of many colors. As they are walking they take lots of pictures.  
  
Tommy loves the one where Adam is smelling a beautiful sunflower and Adam´s heart melts when Tommy is spinning round and round slowly, his hands outstretched, taking in the sun and the breeze. His eyes are closed and there's a beautiful, gentle smile on his lips.   
  
He takes many pictures in that short time, his imagination leading him into his “what if” space again. When he snaps out of his perfect world, Tommy is watching him. He knows Tommy wants to know where he was but he just shakes his head, closing the distance between them   
  
“We should head back. We have to change and get ready.” Tommy nods but takes the camera from Adam   
  
“I want to take one last picture.” Tommy then takes Adam´s hand in his and entwines their fingers. His nails with chipped nail polish contrast Adam´s perfectly manicured ones, and somehow their hands fit perfectly together. Adam can hardly breathe and when Tommy snaps the picture he´s not ready to let Tommy go, so they walk back hand in hand.   
  
When they find Dominic they say their goodbyes and promise him that anytime he wants a ticket to a concert, he can ask Lee because the whole time spend by his pond was magical. Dominic thanks them with a slight blush because he might not be the biggest fan, but his grandchildren are and he will be asking for sure. With that he sends them on their way, and they are both smiling all the way home. Adam is singing along with the radio and Tommy is drumming to the beat on his knees, and Adam can´t wait for dinner that night, for the surprise he has for Tommy.  
  
When they arrive home, they give the camera to Lee and thank him for the idea because it was the perfect afternoon. After that, their moms tell them to go upstairs and prepare for a family dinner, and the same goes for everybody else. They head upstairs and take showers. They help each other with their makeup -- well mostly Adam helps Tommy.   
  
Adam's not sure why, but Tommy seems to be faraway. Adam is curious as to why, but he respects Tommy´s privacy and doesn´t pry. Tommy is grateful for that, because he doesn´t know how he would explain to Adam that he wishes this whole thing was for real. But then again, he knew it would be hard so again and again, he tells himself to be grateful for the short time he has.   
  
He smiles at Adam. “Thank you for not asking.”   
  
Adam nods. “Will you ever tell me where you go?”   
  
“One day. One day I will, but now we have to finish this day.” Tommy smiles, his mood changed.   
  
“If you want to you can go, I'll be downstairs in a second. I have to pay a visit to the little boys' room,” Adam tries to joke.   
  
“I'll wait, just hurry.”   
  
Adam disappears into the bathroom and takes out what was hidden safely away. He opens the little box and as he´s looking at the ring, his heart hurts because he knows that this evening is not, and never will be, real. He hides it in his pocket, flushes the toilet and heads out. Tommy is waiting for him in their bedroom and together they head downstairs.   
  
Everyone is already in the dining room, which looks amazing. Everyone takes a seat and they all get big helpings of food. Lee moves around the table and snaps pictures. After a while, when everyone is enjoying dinner, Adam stands up and asks for their attention. Lee has a nose for the unexpected, so he moves closer and starts taking pictures again, focusing on Adam and Tommy.   
  
“I know and you know that this dinner is not real. But still, I wanted to make it special anyway.” He sees Tommy jerk his head up to look at him, surprise written all over his face.  
  
“Adam what have you…” but he is not allowed to finish his sentence. Adam silences him by covering his lips with his forefinger. He takes the little box and opens it. He urges Tommy to turn around a bit so he can put the simple silver ring with a small black stone embedded in it on Tommy´s ring finger. Tommy is watching Adam put the ring on his finger, and suddenly he can´t think or speak.   
  
When he is able to think again, he traces the ring with his finger and he can hear Adam ask, “So I take it you like it then? Hmmmm?”   
  
Tommy jumps up from his chair and hugs Adam tightly, whispering into his ear, “You shouldn´t have. I love it, but you shouldn´t have!”   
  
Adam pushes him away a bit, looks him in the eyes before answering “I know, but you´re doing so much for me, you deserve it,” and he kisses Tommy. Short and sweet. As for how many times they have forgotten they´re not alone, the people in the dining room have lost count.  
  
Everyone is just watching them, and Lee is taking one picture after another. Neil is rolling his eyes and all the ladies and Sutan smile knowingly. When Adam and Tommy realize that they have a captive audience, they both look shy. Their family helps them overcome the shyness and soon the conversation is flowing again around the table. Lee doesn't miss the fact that every so often either Adam or Tommy strokes the ring on Tommy´s finger, and he doesn´t forget to take pictures, of them laughing at the table, of their joined hands or when they are leaning in to whisper to each other, what no one else is supposed to hear.   
  
As a group, they make plans for the next day and after all is settled, they excuse themselves and like the day before, they leave their families alone, heading for the bedroom.   
  
When they leave, Lee is looking at the pictures he took. “How can they be so blind?” he asks to no one in particular.  
  
But Scarlett answers before anyone else can. “They are not blind. They are both afraid of what they might see. They are just not ready to see it. No worries though, they will figure it out eventually.”   
  
Neil just laughs sarcastically, but there is only begrudging fondness in his voice when he says, “My brother is not afraid; more like he has the worst gaydar ever. If you excuse me, I´m heading for bed since the little vampire will wake me up early again.” The parents of the little vampire chuckle at that.  
  
Meanwhile in the master bedroom, Tommy is waiting for Adam to come out of the bathroom. Tommy being first in the shower is become a pattern in their new household arrangement. Adam emerges and sees Tommy looking at the ring again.   
  
He smiles and joins Tommy in their bed. “I´m happy you like it,” he says honestly, and when Tommy doesn´t say anything he speaks again. “Tommy, what´s going on? Why are you so quiet?”   
  
Tommy looks at Adam when he starts to explain. “I was just thinking, you know. I wanted to ask you something, but I´m not sure now, I think I´ll leave it...” Tommy rambles and Adam cuts him off   
  
“Then ask, you know you can ask me anything.”   
  
Tommy takes a deep breath and asks,  
  
“Have you ever thought about asking … him … to marry you?” and he knows he has no right to ask it, and the silence is proof that he has overstepped the boundaries. “I´m sorry, I shouldn´t have asked. Please forgive me.”   
  
But Adam only shakes his head, thinking about Tommy´s question. “Honestly, I´m not sure. Yes, we lived together and decided to adopt together, but marriage wasn't necessary. So it never crossed my mind. I thought what we had would last forever, even without marriage.”   
  
Tommy realizes that Adam sounds sad, so he takes him by the hand, tugging gently until they are lying down. “I´m sorry I brought bad memories back. I will never do that again. Please don´t be sad.”   
  
Adam smiles sadly at Tommy's pleas. “It´s okay, he´s in my past now. We are here and that´s what matters.”   
  
Tommy exhales happily because he didn´t offend Adam, but then something pops into his mind. “Soooo this was the personal matter you had to take care of the other day?” because it all makes sense now.   
  
“Yup,” Adam says and he brings Tommy closer, holding him in his arms. As they are slowly falling asleep, Tommy starts caressing Adam´s face. He can see the sadness disappear slowly and as Adam returns his gaze, he sees a smile in Adam´s eyes, a smile that belongs to him. If he dared, he would say he saw something deeper in Adam´s eyes. Something like trust and… but he doesn´t dare think about that, doesn't dare to hope. He settles for a smile. He smiles back at Adam, and finally allows himself to close his eyes and fall asleep.  
  
  
Sunday is really busy. Marco comes early to pick up all the remaining pictures from the day before and the ones Lee is taking right then. Lee is by the pool directing people, taking pictures of people near the pool, in the pool, or on the pool chairs. Since Neil is preparing lunch on the grill, he´s taking pictures there as well.   
  
It´s a bit rushed but he knows there is not much time left because everyone has to leave that afternoon, or in the evening at the latest. Some of the pictures will be used for a fake vacation set, others for various private party albums. Adam doesn´t seem to mind changing shorts every so often. This time Tommy sides with Neil and complains too, because he hates changing all the time.   
  
When Lee is sure he has all the pictures he needs, out of the corner of his eye he sees Adam, currently in the pool, telling Tommy something. He doesn´t even know why, but he starts shooting again. Adam and Tommy think that everyone has headed back into the house again so they aren´t really paying any attention to whether or not they have company. From Lee´s vantage point, it looks like they are arguing about something, but he can see they are both smiling.   
  
After a while, Adam gestures to Tommy to come closer. When he does, in an unguarded moment, Adam grabs Tommy´s hands and with laughter he pulls him into the pool. Tommy emerges quickly from the water, spitting everywhere, like a real kitty, cursing Adam like crazy. Adam apologizes, still laughing, explaining that he had no other choice because Tommy wasn´t ready to admit defeat, so he had to silence him this way.   
  
While he's asking Tommy to forgive him, he's also complimenting him on how good he looks, all wet. When Tommy laughs and suggests that there are easier ways to shut him up, Adam moves closer and asks “Like this one?” And he kisses Tommy passionately. Tommy moans quietly and opens his mouth for Adam. When Adam deepens the kiss, licking his way into Tommy´s mouth, a call from inside interrupts their kiss.   
  
They are both breathing heavily and Tommy starts to shiver. “You got carried away,” he says with a smile, blushing slightly.   
  
Adam answers cheekily, “I haven´t noticed any complaints,” but Tommy can see he is blushing as well. Lee takes a few last pictures and as silently as he can, he goes inside and he´s happy they didn't see him because these pictures will not be used now, but he knows he saw love and passion and when they finally realize it, he will show them how blind they were.   
  
When they get out of the water, Adam wraps a shaking and shivering Tommy in a huge towel and they´re heading inside unaware of the company they had.  
  
When they get inside, they are comfortably warm and they can see that everyone is almost ready to leave. Tommy´s mom leaves first with Sutan. They are hugging and Tommy thanks her for coming and helping. She tells him how proud of him she is, and that she knows he loves Adam. Tommy denies it weakly and she smiles at him, telling him to be brave and tell Adam. When he says nothing in response, she lets it go, praying for her son not to get hurt.   
  
After she and Sutan leave, he is watching Adam with his parents and thinks about what awaits them now. Now everything could get more dangerous, and he´s happy to be by Adam´s side, that Adam is not alone. Leila comes to him to give him a goodbye hug and thank him for being by Adam´s side. He whispers that it´s okay. He´s his best friend.   
  
Leila laughs a bit and shakes his hand but says nothing. When the Lamberts are leaving Neil can´t resist addressing his brother, advising him to get his gaydar repaired. Adam and Tommy both look confused so he states that it is futile and leaves them alone.   
  
Last to leave are the Cherrys´ and Marco. While Lee and Marco are discussing a few last details of what remains to be done, Scarlett is saying goodbye to them both. Little Riff is traveling from one set of arms to the next, and Scarlett can´t help herself but take some pictures of Riff nestling comfortably in Adam´s arms.   
  
When she comes to take her son from him, she whispers to Adam, “You will make great daddies,” and with that she leaves heading for the car outside.   
  
She puts Riff into his car seat, waiting for Lee. Lee and Marco are saying their goodbyes together. Adam and Tommy are thanking them because without them, none of this would be possible. Lee wishes them good luck, because he knows they will need it, and not only with the adoption. He hugs them both tightly and takes his leave.   
  
Marco leaves right after Lee, promising to get in touch after everything is done. He promises not to send it via mail but to bring it personally with all the original pictures. They are grateful and when the door closes, they are alone in their home again.   
  
  
They head to take showers to wash away the pool water, and spend a quiet evening in. Adam has to go to bed early anyway because he has work to do at the studio and with management, and Tommy has a meeting with Mike and the band. They will continue their lives and battles the next day, but for now, they meet in the living room in front of the fire, and Tommy plays for Adam and Adam sings quietly for Tommy, and everything is peaceful.


	4. First time for everything

The next few days after everyone leaves are filled with work for Adam and Tommy. Adam is busy recording and Tommy gets back to working with Mike. Mike's still giving him “the look,” but he tries to ignore it. Tommy asks how Liz is doing and he thinks Mike is too good to him because he isn't mad about how things ended between him and Liz. He sees that Mike is worried about her, but there is nothing more he can do.   
  
Mid-week Marco comes for a visit and brings them all of the finished photos. There is everything they had hoped for, and after Marco leaves, they are going through them when suddenly Tommy gets up and leaves the living room. Adam turns his head in Tommy's direction, surprised, and asks, “Where are you going?”   
  
Tommy is already on the staircase, and shouts a reply. “Wait a second and you will see.”  
  
Adam keeps looking at the pictures and once again, thinks about how good they look together. The sound of Tommy walking down the stairs pulls him back from his thoughts. He sees that Tommy is carrying a relatively wide, but narrow box. Tommy sets it on the coffee table, gently pushing the photos to the side. “I hope you like it. I know we haven't talked about it, but I saw this and loved it, so I bought it.”   
  
When Adam just stares, Tommy smiles. “Go on, open it.”   
  
Adam sinks to the floor on his knees, and opens the box. His breath hitches when he sees that inside the box is beautiful photo album covered in black leather (hopefully fake, Adam thinks) with a large label that says “Our Family” with silver ornamentation. Adam stares at it, completely speechless. When he looks up at Tommy, he has tears in his eyes, but they're happy tears.   
  
Tommy reaches out to wipe the tears from his face, smiling. “I'll take that as the album being approved, and we can put all the pictures in it. Now, I know you have pictures of Elizabeth in another album, so should we just put the pictures from this weekend in here?”   
  
Adam finally finds his voice again. “No. this album is absolutely beautiful, so we'll mix them together. Stay here, I'll run upstairs and grab the old album.” Adam stands up and heads for the stairs, when he realizes something. “Where did you hide it, by the way?”   
  
Tommy just laughs. “Under our bed.”   
Adam looks surprised at that answer “Under our bed? Really? I'm sure I was cleaning under there,” and Tommy has to laugh, because yes, Adam was cleaning under their bed, but he wasn't doing it thoroughly.  
  
“Next time, don't forget to check my pile of clothes under the bed. It was hidden under there!”   
  
Adam has to smile at that because his cleaning skills probably need some improvement. “Okay. I will, but next time I'll clean, you're going to help.”   
  
Adam leaves to bring Elizabeth's album down. When he's back, they both sit on the floor, legs crossed, discussing which photo will go where. Tommy is mesmerized by Adam's stories about Elizabeth; how Adam can make changing smelly diapers sound like a fun adventure he just doesn't understand, because while he loves Bridget to death, changing her diapers was never fun – for him anyway.   
  
While they are talking and sorting pictures, they order in some good food and while enjoying it, Adam's phone rings. He excuses himself to pick it up while they're eating. Tommy continues to eat, not really paying attention, hearing mostly “Yes, yes and yes” as his mind wanders someplace else. He's brought back to reality by Adam's hand on his shoulder. When he realizes that he zoned out, he rushes to apologize and ask who was on the phone.   
  
Adam looks really nervous when he starts to explain. “It was Jane, my social worker. She said if we have time tomorrow we can come to see her and Amy with Elizabeth. And because I know we're both free, I said we'd come. I hope you're okay with that, I mean that I 'didn't talk to you before I said yes, but she was excited that I'll finally bring you with me.”   
  
Tommy sees how nervous Adam is, so he hurries to calm him down. “Adam, relax. It doesn't matter that you ' didn't tell me. We'll go there tomorrow and set things straight. We're almost finished the album so I think we're ready for the first battle. Now sit down and finish our …what is it anyway? Too late for lunch and too early for dinner?”  
  
Adam smiles. “We can call it linner.”   
  
Tommy smiles again because Adam has an answer for everything “So, finish your linner and tell me everything I need to know, about Jane and Amy and where we're going tomorrow. You never really told me which hospital she's in.”   
  
Adam looks sad while answering, because he knows full well that if everything goes well and he becomes a father to Elizabeth, it will be on the day her mother' passes away. “She's not staying in a hospital, not really. She's in this institution, just outside the center of LA. It's private and they're discreet. She has her own space and her own nurses that take care of her and Elizabeth. It looks more like a small apartment than a hospital. There is a huge garden with lots of trees and flowers. I ….” Adam takes a deep breath and Tommy can see it's hard for him to talk about it so he takes his hand and squeezes it tightly, to encourage him.   
  
Adam smiles at him and continues “… I wanted something nice for her, you know? We both know how this is going to end. The nurses there love her like a daughter and she's really grateful because her family abandoned her. It's sad, but at least she knows we will love her baby girl and she can go in peace.”   
  
“She will be in the best hands,” Tommy says. He tries lighten the mood because Adam is sad again and he really doesn't like it, so he asks, “So, you're saying that the nurses are great?”   
  
Adam smiles and he's not pretending he doesn't know Tommy is trying to change the subject but gets why he's doing it so he just goes with it. “Oh yeah. They're really awesome. Caring and loving with amazing senses of humor; they don't really care who I am. They love me because I love their girls.”   
  
Tommy thinks about it for a second. “You think they'll like me too?”   
  
Adam is not in hurry to answer and Tommy can see a slight blush on his cheeks. “What now? You're blushing again,” Tommy says with wide smile. “I… they kinda know you already …”   
  
“How can they know me…?” Tommy asks, confused.   
  
“I may have talked about you a bit ….”   
  
“A bit?” Tommy asks in disbelief, but amused at the thought that Adam's “a bit” might be more than that, and sure enough, he's right.   
  
“Well yeah, okay, more than a bit. I told them how caring and loving you are. How great you are with Bridget …” and when Tommy wants to say something Adam doesn't let him, holding his hands up in defense and continues. “But I also told them that you are a badass guitar player who loves horror movies. Please tell me you're not mad?”   
  
Adam looks guilty so Tommy pretends to think about it for a second and then says with fake seriousness, “Hmmmm” but he can't keep a serious face for long so he smiles. “Okay, rockstar. I'm not mad but you owe me anyway. So now you'll let me watch the aforementioned horror movie, and later on you'll fix our dinner.”   
  
“Oh my God, okay!!” Adam says with laughter. “You so love to torture me with those scary movies of yours, but fair warning. You are going to have to comfort me!”   
  
Tommy just throws his arm around Adam's shoulder. “I can do that, no worries, gorgeous. Now get your ass up on that couch of yours. I'm not going to watch sitting on the floor.”   
  
Adam blushes when Tommy calls him gorgeous, but luckily Tommy doesn't notice so Adam sits on the couch and lifts Tommy up like he weighs nothing.   
  
Tommy yelps in surprise, not really expecting it. “Warn a guy, okay?” But the second he's up, he reaches out for his favorite movies and shows them to Adam “Michael, Freddie, Dracula or Megan?”   
  
“I don't care. You pick. I'll be scared anyway,” Adam says. Tommy gets up and puts the DVD into the player, looking like a child, smiling widely. “Freddie.”   
  
He gets back on couch and soon after the movie starts, Adam is curled up to Tommy, hiding his face in Tommy's chest more than he's watching the movie.   
  
After the movie ends, Tommy demands another one. Adam is not really complaining because he likes how relaxed Tommy is and if he's being honest with himself, this time seems very peaceful for him too, like no worries exist in the whole world. After the Exorcist is over Tommy help Adam make them dinner and Adam even shyly asks Tommy if can have one or two fries. It makes Tommy smile proudly because he managed to break Adam's healthy food obsession, even if just a little.   
  
Later, in their bed, Tommy tells Adam he's afraid that Amy or Jane will not like him, but at the same time excited he's going to meet Elizabeth for the first time. Adam just holds him and tells him it's okay to be nervous and assures him that everything is going to be fine.  
  
Adam wakes up the next morning with Tommy huddled in his arms, his head resting on his chest, fringe covering his face; Adam thinks it must tickle. He caresses Tommy's sleeping face gently, smiling lovingly at him. He can't miss 'how Tommy's top rolled up, and he can't tear his eyes from his slender body. Adam's eyes wander down from his chest to his belly and lower to his ….  
  
When Adam realizes what he's doing he half curses and half laughs at himself. He thinks Tommy would think 'what he's doing is creepy. He shakes his head and starts fondling Tommy's bare arm with more strength, waiting for Tommy to wake up. After a moment Tommy slowly opens his eyes, smiles widely at Adam and starts stretching. He accidentally hits Adam's shoulder while doing it. Adam shoots him a fake hurt look, but giggles involuntarily. Tommy giggles back and presses a quick kiss to Adam's shoulder.   
  
Adam smiles at him and ruffles his hair and suddenly Tommy starts blushing and Adam kind of doesn't understand why. “What? Why are you blushing?”   
  
Tommy doesn't look at him, answering shyly, “I want …… I'd like to do one thing. Can I?”   
  
Adam can't find his voice so he only nods, doesn't know what to expect. Tommy takes a deep breath and reaches for Adam, stops just inches from his face, and breathes again. Adam is watching him the whole time and his pupils grow wide when Tommy closes the last tiny distance and gives Adam a sweet and short, but firm kiss, whispering “Good morning.”  
  
When Adam gets over the initial shock, he asks breathlessly, “You wanted to do it just today?”   
  
Tommy blushes some more but answers “Not just today. I just … I… I got used to sleeping with you and waking up with you. I sleep better when I'm with you for some reason and I just thought a morning kiss would be like a thank you or something like that. If you don't want to or if you think it's over the line or inappropriate just tell me and we can act like this never happened.”   
  
Tommy's babbling and Adam has to smile at that. He silences Tommy with a short but firm kiss, smiling the whole time, giving Tommy his answer that way. “Good morning to you too. I like it, but if you change your mind or don't feel like it, you'll tell me, okay?”   
  
Tommy relaxes visibly and laughs. “Yeah, yeah. Now get your ass off the bed. I believe we have a date with one beautiful girl,” and with that he jumps off the bed, gently slapping Adam's shoulder. Adam laughs at Tommy's childish behavior, and they both head for the bathroom.   
  
They have fun poking each other while brushing their teeth, and then it's time to shower. Tommy jokingly suggests showering together to save time and Adam almost chokes in response. Adam jokingly accuses him of wanting to see his ass naked, and that saving time has nothing to do with it. Tommy laughs and runs his hand across Adam's ass flirtatiously. When he sees that Adam is left speechless, he smacks Adam's ass playfully. “What? Can't take a little harmless flirting?” With that Tommy leaves the bathroom to take his shower in the guest room, leaving thunderstruck Adam behind.   
  
When Adam gets over the shock, he heads into his shower and thinks that this “harmless flirting” as Tommy called it may be the death of him. He is up for it, he knows he is, because Tommy has always been open-minded and loves flirting and he might be feeling lonely so why deny himself some fun, but at the same time he knows he has to be careful; he can't fall for Tommy because Tommy can't love him the same way so he hopes he won't end up hurt – not badly anyway. Because even if he's not ready to admit it yet, the feelings he has for Tommy lie deep in his heart.   
  
In the guest bathroom, Tommy thinks about what he just did and why he did it. Maybe it was because he wanted to see Adam speechless; or maybe that's just an excuse. Tommy doesn't want to think about it, not really because he's more than a little scared of the result of thinking that could mean, and for now, he'll just enjoy Adam's company. Today he's meeting Elizabeth for the first time and he is going to have to play for real for the first time and he's determined to be the best fiancé he can be. As he' dries himself off he thinks about how 'hard it's going to be. He knows Adam sees him as a friend only, and he will have to leave Adam's personal life at some point. So he hopes, again and again, that he won't end up hurt. Not badly anyway, because even if he's not ready to admit it yet, the feelings he has for Adam lie deep in his heart.   
  
After they're showered and dressed, they try to enjoy some breakfast, but Tommy starts to get really nervous and for the first time in a while, it's Adam who's calming Tommy down and not the other way around. 'He isn't quite successful, and Tommy is pacing their kitchen, his hands visibly shaking. He drops his coffee mug and when he rapidly starts to apologize and tries to clean up the mess he almost slips on the spilled liquid.   
  
Adam can't believe his eyes as his always calm Tommy is now a pile of nerves, so he decides to try things a different way. He steps right into Tommy's personal space, takes him by his hands tightly, holds him in place. “Tommy stop, please stop! Why are you so nervous? You are literally freaking out. What's going on?”   
  
Tommy tries to get out of Adam's hold but he's not letting him. “You are not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong with you.”   
  
Tommy tries to avoid Adam's face, tries to not look at him at all. “But the coffee, I have to …”   
  
Adam interrupts him. “We can clean that up later. You were okay just an hour ago so spill! What changed?”   
  
Tommy finally gives up. “It's just... we're going to be together for the first time in public and I'm scared, okay. I'm scared I'm going to fuck it up for you. You know what's at stake. Elizabeth.”   
  
Adam steps even closer and embraces him. “You will not fuck it up, we will be okay.”   
  
Tommy still hides his face in Adam's chest when asking, “How can you know that?”   
  
Adam smiles and strokes Tommy's back gently. “Let me ask you. Do you love me?”   
  
Tommy looks up at him surprised, his eyes wide, because... does he? He thinks he may, but is he brave enough to say it out loud? “Adam, I…”   
  
Adam senses his discomfort and hurries to reassure him. “It's okay baby. I know you can't love me that way …” And suddenly while talking he wonders if it's really okay, and who he's really trying to reassure, but he continues, tries to not to show what he's thinking “…but you are my friend, my best friend. You stood by me from the beginning and you got me through these last few rough months, so you love me, right?”   
  
Even though he knows Adam sees him as a friend, it still hurts to hear; but as with many times before, Tommy reminds himself not to be selfish, because this is not about him, so he puts on a smile. “I do love you.”   
  
Adam smiles back, still stroking Tommy's back “Then everything is going to be okay. Just be yourself. We don't have to really pretend, do we?”   
  
“No we don't,” Tommy says because no matter what, it's true.   
  
Adam finally lets him out of his hold. “So are you okay?”   
  
Tommy nods and smiles. “I am. Thank you.”   
  
“You don't have to thank me. You do, however, have to help me clean up this mess, so come on.”   
  
After that their morning is less stressful. They clean the spilled coffee and eat some breakfast (finally) and after breakfast they head out for the clinic where Amy and Elizabeth await.   
  
On the way, Tommy brings up the fact that they've been lucky so far that no one has found out that something is going on between them, and that they will have to talk about what they plan to say and how they will come out as a couple. It´ll be for world to see. For Jane and Amy to see that their relationship is real. Next step in Tommy´s plan, a big one.  
  
Adam agrees, but says they will talk about it later because right now he is way too nervous. When Tommy asks him why he's nervous, Adam says that he doesn't really know, but probably for the same reasons Tommy was nervous earlier. Tommy laughs at that. He shakes his head and just covers Adam's hand that is resting on gearshift. Adam squeezes his hand and laughs too.   
  
The rest of their ride is peaceful, even though they get stuck in a traffic jam, but that really doesn't matter because While Adam is driving, he's singing along with the radio and Tommy enjoys it while keeping his eyes closed, the wind from the open window ruffling his hair, and the sun warming his face. Even though his eyes are closed, he knows Adam is smiling.  
  
When they arrive at the hospital, Adam parks their car and they both get out. Suddenly Tommy starts to feel nervous again. Adam just smiles at him encouragingly and takes his hand in his own, squeezing it tightly.   
  
“Are you ready?” Even though Adam doesn't show his nervousness on his face, Tommy can hear it in Adam's voice as it trembles.   
  
“Are you?”   
  
They both nod at the same time and that makes them laugh. It makes some of the nervousness disappear. They both look at their joined hands and Adam lightly rubs the engagement ring Tommy hasn't taken off since Adam put it on his ring finger. Adam leans down and kisses Tommy's temple, gently whispering, “We're ready, let's go baby,” and with that they're heading towards the main entrance.   
  
As they get closer they passing by a large garden and Tommy can't even see everything. But he does see trees and flowers, and many benches and tables with chairs. Tommy can really understand why Adam chose this place. It's a sanctuary and it's quiet and peaceful. Only the presence of patients and nurses reveals the real purpose of it. Tommy stops in his tracks and looks at Adam. “Now I understand why you chose this place. It doesn't look like a hospital and it's so peaceful here.”   
  
Adam smiles because he can't agree more. “I know, right? They are both in good hands here. Now let's go. We have an important meeting.”   
  
Tommy nods, and in a few more yards, they reach the main door that leads to the reception area. Still hand in hand, they step into the reception space. Adam takes a quick glance around, and spots the main nurse Gladys right away.   
  
Tommy remembers Adam talking about her; a very lovely and loving lady in her 50s. With an encouraging squeeze of Tommy’s hand, Adam leads them over to the reception desk. Gladys spots them when she takes her eyes of her computer screen and immediately smiles widely at Adam.   
  
“Adam dear. What are you doing here?” As she greets him she lays her eyes on him, then on Tommy, and finally on their clasped hands. Adam can see the realization hit her as her eyes go wide, and her smile gets even wider; but at the same time her expression is somehow tender. “Adam, wow. Is this beautiful young man who I think he is?”   
  
Adam sneaks a quick glance over at Tommy and sees him blushing at the compliment. He grabs Tommy around his shoulder, playfully kissing his ear. Now it’s Gladys’s turn to blush but she’s still smiling at them when Adam introduces them.   
  
“Yes. Yes, he is. Gladys, this is my beloved fiancé, Tommy. Tommy, this is Gladys. She takes care of our girls.”   
  
Tommy holds out his hand and shakes hands with Gladys. “Nice to finally meet you, Gladys.” All of the stress finally leaves his body as he sees that here, everyone is friendly and he can clearly feel that no one wants to hurt him, so he smiles, still a little shyly. “I’ve heard only good things about you.”   
  
Gladys smiles back and shakes his hand “Nice to finally meet you. I heard lot about you too,” she says and can’t miss how, when Tommy takes his hand back Adam automatically put his hand around Tommy’s waist and their fingers lace together immediately. “I’m so happy you finally decided to meet your little girl. Adam was always sad when you couldn’t come.”  
  
When Adam takes a breath to say something she just continues, ignoring him completely. “He thinks he’s a good actor but he can’t fool me. There was always something missing behind his smile and judging by his smile now, it was you.”   
  
Tommy squeezes Adam’s fingers before answering, because Adam seems to be left speechless at how observant Gladys is and that she never said anything to him.   
  
“I’m happy too. I realized that it was time to come, to stop hurting my man with my insecurities and man up so here I am.”   
  
Gladys looks like an overjoyed mother but she gets a bit serious at the same time. “Yes, about that. Jane had to leave about an hour or so ago; got call from judge for a different adoption…”   
  
Adam cuts her off, surprised. “What? You mean she’s gone? We’re here to meet her together. Tommy is here to meet our daugh… girl for the first time.” He looks at Tommy and suddenly he has to fight tears pooling in his eyes. “I wanted you to meet our baby girl, you were supposed to meet her. I’m sorry baby, so sorry.”   
  
Tommy moves fast and hugs Adam tight. “It’s okay baby, it’s not your fault. We will come another day. Calm down.”   
  
Gladys finally interrupts them, clearing her throat. “Adam dear you got me wrong. There is no reason for you two not to see Elizabeth today.”   
  
When Adam looks at her she can see the relief on his face. “Really?”   
  
Gladys just nods. “Jane said you can see her, so go. Take you fiancé to your daughter.”   
  
“She’s not …,” Adam starts but Gladys just shakes her head.   
  
“Not yet, now go” Adam smiles and Tommy sees not just a smile but the glow that’s surrounding Adam as he leads Tommy to the area where rooms and other private spaces are located.  
  
Adam and Tommy walk down a long hallway until they reach a smaller reception area that looks more like nurses station, and it finally hits Tommy that they are, indeed, in a hospital – like a facility. And as they’re approaching, the young nurse greets Adam right away. “Welcome back, Mr. Lam …” she’s not allowed to finish as he looks at her, raising his eyebrow. She blushes but corrects herself “Welcome back, Adam.”   
  
She gives Tommy a quick once-over, curiosity written all over her face. “Is this …?”   
  
Adam laughs and pulls Tommy into his arms. “Yes, this is my fiancé, Tommy…”   
  
She looks more shocked than surprised. “Tommy Joe, I know. I mean… I didn’t know your fiancé was…”   
  
“My guitarist?” Adam finishes, looking down at Tommy. He can see that Tommy is hiding his face, not sure if he’s blushing again or if he’s laughing at how confused she is. “Now you know. But it’s still our secret, so you have to promise me not to talk about it.”   
  
She nods immediately to reassure him. “Oh don’t worry Adam. I promised that when we first met.”   
  
Adam answers her right away. “I know. We will be going, Amy is waiting for us.” She just nods and waves.  
  
Adam leads Tommy to the first door on the left at the end of the hallway. There is a plate with Amy’s name on it. The whole wall appears to be made from glass, Tommy thinks, so the personnel can see inside, but patients can’t see out, giving the illusion of more privacy.   
  
Adam knocks gently, and after a quiet “come in” they step inside. Tommy can see that the space is divided into a few smaller rooms. One of them looks like a living room/bedroom, while another like a bathroom, and the last one is a small room full of medical stuff. Adam looks around just in time to see Amy’s personal nurse coming out of the living room.   
  
“Hey Katherine; we’re here to see Amy and Elizabeth.”   
  
“Hey Adam,” the young woman replies. She sounds, in Tommy’s opinion, a little bit unnerved.   
  
“Amy’s not here. She had to leave for a last-minute examination.”   
  
“Really?” Tommy asks suspiciously.   
  
Katherine looks at him, finally registering his presence. “Yes. And you are?”   
  
Adam smiles at Tommy, taking him by his hand again. “This is Tommy, my fiancé.”   
  
Katherine’s face lights up. “Your fiancé? Finally! I can’t believe you are really here. We kind of thought we were never going to meet you.”   
  
Katherine is babbling and blushing at the same time. Tommy is happy that finally he’s not the only one feeling uncomfortable so he takes pity on her, smiles at her, and stretches out his hand to shake hers   
  
“Nice to meet you too. So when Amy’s not here, I can’t meet Elizabeth, right?” He sounds sad and when he’s looking at Adam, his eyes are sad too.   
  
But Katherine says tenderly, “No you can go see her.”   
  
Adam looks very surprised. “But I’ve never been allowed to be with her without supervision.” It seems Katherine has an answer for everything “Amy said you could be here alone, and I will be just outside your door anyway. I’ll leave you now,” With that, she leaves.   
  
When she’s gone, Adam takes Tommy by the hand, leading him to the bedroom area. The first thing Tommy sees is the hospital bed, that he believes to be Amy’s, and then something else catches his eye. “Adam, they have cameras here?”   
  
Adam doesn’t sound surprised at all. “Yes. They are installed everywhere, but they only work if the patient agrees. It helps the staff keep an eye on the patients, mainly during the night or after procedures. Amy and I agreed to this, so they are working. It’s video only though, some privacy is still needed.” As Adam is explaining, he suddenly stops walking, and Tommy bumps into his back.   
  
“What the…” Tommy is about to finish with something off-color, but he remembers where he is and gets quiet. When he peeks from behind Adam he can see a crib right in front of them. Adam just stares, and in his eyes Tommy can see so much tenderness his heart swells with love.   
  
“Every time I see her, I just feel like my universe is complete. Like I’d do anything for her.” Adam is talking, looking lost in his own world and he reaches out his hand, softly caressing the baby in the crib. Tommy could move forward and take a look, but he wants Adam to introduce them, and tell him what’s on his mind.   
  
“Every time I came here, all I could think about was how much I love her and how much I don’t want to lose her… how much…. How much I wanted to have someone to share that love with me.”   
  
Tommy can hear the shaking in his voice, hears the silent, previously unshed tears and the hurt of a betrayal he must have felt. To be left alone, getting ready to start a family by himself instead of with the one he loves. He spins Adam around and hugs him tightly, gently rubbing his back.   
  
“I’m here now. You have me. You have me,” he repeats.  
  
Adam watches him with blue eyes full of tears and suddenly he closes the distance between them to rest their foreheads together; then slowly and sweetly he kisses Tommy on the lips, not pushing, giving him a way out, but Tommy doesn’t want a way out, so he licks Adam’s lips with his tongue. Adam opens up for him and Tommy licks his way into the warmth of Adam’s mouth. When Adam finally wants to take over the kiss, they hear a quiet sound that breaks the moment.   
  
They are both breathing heavily and Tommy is blushing again. Adam kisses Tommy’s forehead, whispering to him, “Thank you, for being here for us.”   
  
Tommy can feel his heart race as he whispers back, “Anytime and always.”   
  
Adam smiles and lifts Tommy’s chin so he can look him in the eye and give him just a quick peck on the lips. “Come, come meet my angel.”   
  
He takes Tommy and pushes him forward, and finally Tommy sees Elizabeth for the first time. Sure, he saw her in the pictures, but in reality she’s much much prettier that he would have ever expected. She literally takes his breath away. She’s little and precious and he can’t resist and has to gently stroke her cheeks. She was sleeping before, but now she’s looking at him and he swears she has the most beautiful emerald eyes he’s ever seen. When he catches his breath, he turns around to see Adam watching him, smiling   
  
“Oh my God Adam, she’s so beautiful. So precious and small and perfect and beautiful. How could someone not love her? You can’t ever tell anyone but she’s more beautiful than Bridget, and I was head over heels for her, you know that.”   
  
Adam keeps smiling because, yeah, he knows that. “She is precious isn’t she?” he says, gently rubbing her little chest. Rubbing wasn’t enough because Elizabeth spits her pacifier and starts to sob. Immediately, Adam carefully picks her up, scoops her in his arms, sways and silently whispers, “Shhh, shhh baby, it’s okay, it’s okay.”   
  
Tommy is mesmerized, so he takes his phone, snaps a few pictures and starts recording. Adam realizes what Tommy is doing so he turns to face the camera, constantly talking to Elizabeth, shushing her and kissing her head.   
  
Tommy keeps recording while speaking quietly. “Say hi to daddy.”   
  
  
Adam looks straight into the camera as a sweet smile plays on his lips. He waves to the camera and sends Tommy a kiss. “Hi daddy!”   
  
Tommy catches the kiss and presses it to his own lips. He shuts the camera off and sticks the cell in to his pocket. Elizabeth isn’t calming down much so Adam takes her to the changing table. “It’s either a dirty diaper, or she’s hungry. You want to check?”   
  
Tommy makes a funny face so Adam goes for it and undoes Elizabeth’s diaper. “Okay,” he laughs when Tommy covers his nose, pretending to be fainting “I’ll change her and you go get her food, it’s in the medic room.”   
  
Tommy leaves, thinking about how amazing all of this is. How happy Adam is (Tommy too) and how easily Elizabeth charmed him. When he gets to the medical room, Elizabeth’s formula is ready in a bottle with a message from Katherine: “I thought this might come in handy.” He shakes his head and heads back to the living area.   
  
Adam takes the bottle from him but then hesitates. Tommy raises an eyebrow in surprise, but then Adam asks if he wants to feed her. When Tommy says that yes, Adam urges him into the rocking chair, tenderly putting Elizabeth into his arms. “You have to support her head and hold her tightly, but not too tight, okay?”   
  
Tommy laughs quietly, shushing Adam, because he has taken care of Bridget before. Adam blushes and apologizes, but Tommy tells him he understands. He sees and feels how much Adam loves the tiny little girl, nesting in his arms, waiting to be fed. He starts to feed her the bottle and watches, mesmerized, at how she’s focused on the bottle. Adam watches them, his heart melting at the sight of Tommy with Elizabeth in his arms; now it’s his turn to take a video and some pictures.  
  
Tommy realizes he’s being recorded at the end of Elizabeth’s meal. He looks directly into Adam’s eyes and orders, “Put the camera down daddy, and get us a bib, we’re done here.”   
  
“Aye aye, boss,” Adam says with laughter in his voice. He is back in a second, putting the bib on Tommy’s shoulder. Tommy shifts Elizabeth so she’s resting on his shoulder, waiting for her to burp. Adam asks Tommy to get up and when he does, he sits down, pulling Tommy to sit in his lap with Elizabeth in his arms. When they’re settled he embraces them both, holding them as tight as he can. They take a few pictures together with their daughter and then, after she's burped, it’s time to put her down for a nap.   
  
They settle her down and after a short time full of rubbing and quiet singing, Elizabeth falls asleep. Adam pulls Tommy back into his lap as he sits back into the rocking chair and they are resting and watching her just like that. Tommy uses Adam's chest as a pillow while they hold each other. When Katherine comes back, she finds them asleep in the same position they were in watching Elizabeth. She takes her phone out and snaps some pictures, whispering to herself, “For Amy,” then puts the phone back in her pocket.   
  
She gently shakes them awake. They are both confused, but she tells them that it’s okay, and that they were napping only short time but their visit will be over soon. They forgot to unpack some presents for Elizabeth and Amy so they just leave one bag for Amy to open. They both kiss Elizabeth goodbye and ask Katherine to pass their greetings on to Amy and they head out. They say goodbye to Gladys at the main reception desk and head towards Adam’s car.   
  
When they’re gone, out of the blue Amy appears in her room, watching Elizabeth sleep peacefully. Katherine comes up behind Amy, helping her sit down in the rocking chair Adam and Tommy were resting in just minutes before. “Did you see? Did you find the answers you were looking for?”   
  
Amy can’t miss the slight accusation in Elizabeth’s voice. “Don’t be mad at me. Don’t judge me. Please Katherine. I know you didn’t approve of me to spying on them like that, but I had to be sure. When I’m here, they can put on a show and be the cutest couple ever, but unchaperoned, they had no idea and yes, I got my answers. You saw them together. They love each other so much. What more could I possibly want for my daughter?”   
  
Katherine sees the tears in Amy’s eyes and hurries to her side. “I’m not mad, or judging you. I didn’t approve but you were right. What are you going to do now? Talk to Jane about it?”   
  
Amy answers, a sad smile on her face. “That, yes, but there is one thing I have to do first. Could you go to my desk and bring me the papers?”   
  
If Katherine is surprised, she doesn’t let Amy know. She goes to her desk and brings back the adoption papers. She holds them out to Amy and she signs them. “Jane will have to talk to judge soon to seal the deal, but I know I made the right choice. My baby will be in the best possible hands.”   
  
Katherine smiles at her and picks up her ringing phone, listens for a moment, and hangs up shortly after the one-sided conversation starts. “Jane is here, if you want to talk to her. Oh, and I got you this,” she says, smiling, sending Amy a message with the pictures of Adam and Tommy sleeping, and with that, she heads out, leaving Amy alone with her thoughts.  
  
  
On their way home Tommy is oddly quiet, but Adam doesn’t want to intrude on his privacy so he just holds his hand. When they get home, Tommy cracks, tears running down his cheeks. He cradles his head in his palms and tries to calm down. Adam leans down toward him, stroking his hair gently, trying to help him calm down without words. After a short time Tommy wipes his eyes, apologizing. Adam doesn’t need him to apologize, but he gently asks, “Can you tell me what’s wrong? What happened? I thought you liked today’s visit.”   
  
Tommy blushes crimson because he knows he owes Adam an explanation. “I liked it, very much. It’s just, Adam, she is so precious and beautiful and I fell in love with her immediately; but it made me realize that to get her to be our daughter, her mom has to die first and I’m not sure how I'll cope with that once when she’s gone, when just the idea of it broke me like this. I guess it was just a lot to take in, I don’t know.”   
  
Adam understands very well because he had to deal with it too. “It’s okay baby. It really is. When it first really hit me, I cried for a week every time I just looked at Elizabeth’s picture. But you have to look at it this way: her mom wants her to be in the best possible hands, so if she sees it in us, we should be proud. Now what do you say we take a shower, make some food together, and then we call it an early night and watch some TV?”   
  
Tommy relaxes after the emotional roller coaster he just rode on. Adam gets up and helps Tommy to his feet. They take separate showers and they make food for each other. During their meal they talk about their day and Elizabeth and the visit. They show the pics and videos to each other over and over again and Adam feels as happy as ever. Even though he knows he's living on borrowed time he feels that fake or not, it seems pretty damn real to him.  
  
When they get to bed, curled up next to each other, they put in Breaking Bad and watch it from the start. When Tommy realizes that Adam’s breathing is even, that he has fallen asleep, he turns the light off and the TV off as well. He lays his head on Adam’s chest and holds him as tight as he can without waking him up. In the dark night he feels bold so he tells Adam how he feels. “I love you, you know. Like love you, the way you could love me. Today’s visit made me realize that I can’t hide anymore. I want this all to be real and I will try to show you I love you. You and Elizabeth are the only things I need to complete my happiness. I know you don’t love me, but I will try to show you than I’m worth it. I will try to make you love me.” And as Tommy feels himself getting closer and closer to dreamland he whispers to Adam again, “I love you and maybe one day I will be strong enough to say it to you, when you are awake.” Before he falls asleep he feels one traitorous tear run down his cheek.  
  
The next morning, after a mostly sleepless night, Adam gets up and moving early as they have lots of things to arrange so they can have a fun weekend. Tommy has a show with Ravi and Adam a charity event he really wants to attend. So the deal is Tommy is going shopping, will pick up their clothes and do some other errands, and Adam will finish as much as he can in the studio.   
  
Adam gently shakes Tommy awake and the second Tommy opens his eyes Adam can see how tired he is. He kisses him gently, drawing a tired smile from Tommy “Good morning; you really didn’t sleep well did you? You didn’t even wake up while I was taking a shower and getting changed.”   
  
Tommy doesn’t want to talk about why he couldn’t sleep, so he blames it on his insomnia. “I knew I wouldn't sleep like a baby every night. I guess my sleepless night are slowly returning. So I missed you changing. Damn.” He wants to sound sexy, but he yawns so wide it killed his attempt.   
  
Adam ruffles his hair, giggling. “You really are cute. Now get up. We have a busy morning ahead!” With that he leaves their bedroom to prepare breakfast.   
  
When Tommy gets to the kitchen, Adam has their meal almost ready and Tommy can’t do anything other than stare. There on the kitchen table is a breakfast prepared like in a hotel. Eggs and bacon and a few different salads. There are many different sliced fruits and three kinds of juice. Next to Adam’s plate is tea, already cooling and Adam is bringing Tommy’s coffee when he realizes Tommy is standing in the door, staring.  
  
“Hey, come. Sit down and enjoy,” he says, gesturing towards Tommy’s chair. He holds it out so Tommy can sit and then tucks the chair in for him. Tommy is surprised; though, surprised is not the right word he’s stunned. He knows Adam is a caring person but this is too much even for him, so he has to ask, “So what’s the occasion?”   
  
Adam tries to sound casual. “Nothing, just wanted to make you breakfast, because we both have a busy day and …” but Tommy can see him fidgeting.  
  
“Adam. What have I told you about lying to me? You know I know you and I can tell when you’re trying to lie to me. So sit down and spill. What’s this about?” Tommy isn’t waiting for Adam to sit down across the table and starts putting food on his plate. Adam sets Tommy’s coffee down within Tommy’s reach and finally sits down, taking some salad and bacon   
  
“I wanted to talk to you about something and I didn’t know how, so I thought…”   
  
“So you thought you would bribe me with all this delicious food?” Tommy says jokingly with his mouth still full of eggs and bacon. He takes another fork full of salad and continues. “So what you wanted to talk about is so dangerous you have to bribe me … And by the way, it’s delicious.”   
  
Adam smiles because Tommy always knows what to say to make him feel more comfortable. “I wanted to talk about what we started discussing in the car yesterday. About us coming out as a couple.”   
  
“And why is it that bad? We both know the time is getting closer. Why is it that big deal?” Tommy sips his coffee.  
  
“Because,” Adam says, leaving the table, looking out the window. “It’ll turn your life upside down. I know you’re not like me. You love the privacy you have and now you’re going to lose it. And there will be so many haters. I know most of the fans love you and will wish us well, but the haters can be so harsh. And I know you’re dealing with it every day but this will take it to a whole new level and I feel so guilty, so guilty.” Adam embraces himself like he wants to comfort himself. Tommy hears the sadness in his voice so he gets up to just take Adam in his arms.  
  
He literally pleads with him, “Please, Adam, you have to stop this. I know what to expect and I’m ready for everything. So you have to stop blaming yourself. These feelings will kill you inside soon if you don't stop it. Try to enjoy our time together. Believe this all is a real and we will make it. We will overcome everything. Together.”   
  
“Together,” Adam repeats and holds Tommy tight. “Do I get to treat you like my sappy self too?”   
  
Tommy finally hears a smile in Adam’s voice. He may have said some things in selfishness, but he meant them. They can make it together and Adam has to stop feeling guilty. Tommy looks up and smiles. “You better be. Now come finish breakfast and tell me what you have in mind, because I’m sure you’ve already thought about it.”   
  
Adam leads them back to the table and starts eating again, as does Tommy. “You know me so well, sometimes it scares me.”   
  
Tommy nods with a smile, chewing on big piece of apple. He reaches out his hand and makes Adam take a bite. Adam takes a bite and somehow accidentally bites Tommy. Tommy yelps but laughs and Adam smiles innocently at him and continues, “Well I thought about where we could go for a dinner. I know a few restaurants where I’m sure when someone slightly famous makes a reservation they always call the paparazzi. We can enjoy dinner and afterwards, we will make Twitter explode.”   
  
“What about our event on Sunday? That could gives us away too,” Tommy adds, but Adam just smiles.   
  
“We won't comment on anything; let everyone think what they want, it’ll be fun and gives us some clues as to how people will react after our dinner. So what you think?”   
  
Tommy just nods, looking at his cell phone “Sounds like a perfect plan. Now we have to get ready to start our day. Mike will pick me up soon and your driver should be here any minute.”   
  
Adam looks surprised as they get up and leave the kitchen. “How do you know when my driver will pick me up?” 

Tommy just playfully whispers in his ear, “My secret,” and leaves to change his clothes, leaving Adam behind with his mouth wide open. When Adam recovers from the surprise, he hurries to get changed himself, and shortly after putting their makeup on they are both ready to leave.   
  
When Adam’s phone buzzes he gets up from couch to leave. After a few steps he stops and spins around, closing the distance between him and Tommy. He doesn’t really think about it when he bows down and kisses Tommy quickly on his soft lips. When his lips leave Tommy’s he looks into Tommy’s eyes, caressing his cheek. “Have a good day. See you later,” and with that he leaves for sure.   
  
Tommy is just sitting there on the couch, watching the main door, his heart beating fast. He’s still sitting on the couch when Mike arrives to pick him up.   
  
They go shopping for groceries and other useful things and after that, as planned, they pick up Adam’s and Tommy’s suits for the Sunday charity event and when everything is done, lunch is in order. They go for Mexican and if Mike is surprised that Tommy orders salad, he’s not letting it show. They talk about their music together and future plans and Tommy is literally babbling about how Elizabeth is perfect and beautiful, but Mike can’t miss Tommy’s intention to exclude Adam from their conversation. He think he knows why, but he decides to try to talk to Tommy.   
  
“So, how are things going in the Lambert-Ratliff household?” He can see the immediate change on Tommy’s face, from excitement to surprise to sadness, only to be replaced by what he perceives as fake calmness.   
  
“It’s going okay,” Tommy says, but he’s not able to look at Mike, staring instead at his hands.   
  
“Tommy,” Mike starts, and covers Tommy’s hand with his own. “I know when you are okay, and this is not okay. So tell me what’s going on. I’m your friend and you know I would never betray your trust.”   
  
Tommy squeezes Mike’s hand and finally looks at him, his face full of sadness. “You will tell me ‘I told you so’,” he says, staring into space. “Yesterday we were visiting Elizabeth and I realized how much I wanted this whole thing to be real. To have her, and to have him. I realized that…”   
  
Tommy’s voice breaks and he takes another breath to finish his sentence, but Mike finishes it for him. “…that you love him.”  
  
“Yeah,” Tommy nods, fighting hard to stop the tears that are ready to ruin his makeup.   
  
“Then tell him. I’m sure he loves you too. You can see it in his eyes every time he’s close to you …”   
  
Tommy just shakes his head. “No, I can’t tell him. He loves me, sure, but just as a best friend, he told me that. He doesn’t love me like that. When I offered to help, he didn’t sign up for anything else but his best friend helping him and now I have to learn to deal with it.”   
  
Mike watches him, speechless, wondering how Tommy — well both of them — could be so blind. He tries to talk some sense into Tommy, but he’s not really listening. He just repeats himself like a broken record.   
  
“Please Mike, stop it. I know how it is and how it’ll end. Just promise me you’ll be here for me, to listen to me when I will need it and to help me get through it at the end, because when I have to leave … then I will need someone to help me.”   
  
Mike can barely stand the huge amount of sadness radiating from Tommy; the feeling that no matter what happens, he won’t get what he desires. So he does what Tommy needs, holds him tight, assuring him he’ll always be there for him. After that Mike stops pushing and changes the subject and shortly, Tommy is back to his usual self. Mike only wonders how long Tommy can hide his feelings inside before he really  _does_  end up with broken heart.   
  
After their lunch, Mike brings Tommy back to Adam’s house and when they are unpacking everything the doorbell rings. Tommy asks Mike to see who it is and bring them in, as he has his hands full of bags and their suits.   
  
Shortly after that, Mike ushers in an older lady Tommy has never seen before. Mike sees the confusion on Tommy’s face so he introduces them. “Hey man. This lady is from social services and she came to visit you and Adam.”   
  
Tommy recovers from the surprise quickly, puts everything down, and hurries over to welcome her into their home “Oh, welcome. You must be Jane. But Adam didn’t tell me you’d be coming for a visit,” he says apologetically, and shakes her hand, smiling.   
  
“Oh he doesn’t know yet. I told him I would come for an unannounced visit. Is Adam at home?”   
  
Before answering her Tommy looks at Mike “Thank you for helping me today, you can see yourself out right?”   
  
Mike just smiles and leaves, leaving them alone. After he’s gone Tommy looks back at Jane. “Oh I’m so sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Tommy, Adam’s fiancé.”   
  
She smiles at him, looking around their living room area. “Nice to finally meet you. I was getting really worried about Adam’s case as you were never around.”   
  
Tommy wants to say something in response, when he realizes that he has some food that needs attention. “Would you mind following me to our kitchen? I know it’s not really polite, but I have some groceries that need to be put into the freezer and fridge.”   
  
She smiles. “Oh, that’s okay, we can talk in the kitchen as well.”   
  
Tommy just nods and picks up the few remaining bags, and with a simple “this way” he heads towards the kitchen. When Jane sits down he offers refreshments and makes them both coffee. Jane starts questioning him and he tries his best to answer every question while stuffing things into the cabinets, fridge and freezer. The questions are ALL easy; she asks about his childhood and about his hobbies and his previous and current work, not really getting into the adoption case. He thinks she wants to make him feel comfortable at first and the questions that she’s really interested in asking will come later.   
  
After everything is put away, he offers Jane a tour. She accepts and Tommy shows her around. He explains why they have small barricades around the grill and swimming pool and shows her that all the corners on the tables have plastics covers and even though they know Elizabeth will not be in danger for some time to come (before learning to walk) they often have friends and family members with kids visiting, so they took precautions already.   
  
Then he shows her the first floor and as Tommy is showing her around, Jane never stops with her questions. She really likes Adam’s office/their music room and after an awkward moment she even peeks into their master bedroom. She sees how Tommy is blushing so she assures him that their bedroom is the last thing she needs to see. She does, however, fall in love with Elizabeth’s future bedroom, and remembering how he felt when he saw it for the first time, Tommy’s not surprised at all.   
  
When the tour is over, they head for the living room. Tommy quickly prepares a plate of fruit and delivers it with coffee, putting both on the coffee table. When they settle in, Jane finally starts asking the questions Tommy was expecting her to ask.   
  
He explains that when he and Adam started working together they were just friends, but after some time passed, Tommy realized he felt more than friendship and when Adam broke up with Sauli, he finally found the strength to tell him how he felt, and they’ve been inseparable ever since.   
  
She says she understands but she asks why Adam never brought him to the sanatorium before, and that she understands that he is famous and other reasons he gave but she just doesn’t understand that fear.   
  
Tommy smiles fondly at her. “I know a lot of people don’t understand it. Sometimes even his friends. But it’s not just because he’s famous. He can deal with paparazzi and stuff like that, but he’s afraid that people will try to stick their noses where they have no right to, and that it could hurt him and Elizabeth. He has to be careful. He wasn’t before and one of his oldest friends betrayed him for easy money. And then of course there's my part.”   
  
She nods with understanding. “You mean the part he never took you with him?”   
  
Tommy nods again “You have to understand, Adam is very protective of the people he loves. He knows it wasn’t easy for me to accept that I could love a man. Not many people know I'm bisexual, well except my family and friends, and he’s trying to protect me. Get me to be comfortable enough to tell everyone else. I know we haven't been together the longest time, but we both know we will spend our lives together and…” before he can continue he hears keys in the lock and the door closing.   
  
Then he hears Adam calling him. “Tommy, I’m home. Got out of the studio a little bit earlier than expected.”   
  
Tommy quickly excuses himself, running to greet Adam as far from Jane as possible. “Hey baby, I’m happy you’re home early as we have a visitor.” He all but yells and the second Adam is close enough, he embraces him whispering,   
  
“Your friend from social services is here; she has a lots of questions and so far it’s going well so when we get to the living room, kiss me nicely and play along with me, okay?” He looks at Adam, who is standing there like a statue, completely shocked, so he shakes him a bit. “Okay, Adam?” Adam finally reacts, but only nods.   
  
When they get back to the living room Adam greets Jane but excuses himself. He just wants to go to their bedroom to change and says that he will be back right away. Tommy leaves too, telling Jane he wants to prepare tea for Adam and that he will be right back. He hopes Jane will find the album they prepared, as he left it laying out. She might not admit she looked inside, but if she does, it’ll serve them well.   
  
When Tommy gets back with Adam’s tea, he can see the album positioned a bit differently, so he thinks that his plan worked out well. Meanwhile, after a mini freak out in their bedroom, Adam comes back, changed into plain jeans and a tee-shirt. Tommy is sitting on the couch again talking to Jane. When he sees Adam, he gestures for him to join them.  
  
Adam sits next to Tommy and puts his arm around Tommy’s waist. Tommy turns around and gently kisses Adam’s chin. “I was just telling Jane why you never visited with me, about how protective you can be. And that you never told me that my visit was necessary too. That you tried to protect our privacy, because when we finish this adoption people will know and the circus will begin.”   
  
“Yes,” Jane says, “He told me he was really upset with you, told you that you are over-protective and selfish, because you were risking everything unnecessarily.” Then she smiled some more. “I’m sure you meant well, but it was a mistake to hide your lovely partner, Adam.”   
  
Adam blushes at that, but Jane continues. “I want to ask you something thought. Is it true that Tommy threw a vase at you?”   
  
Tommy fakes a horrified look, but has a hard time not smiling. “Jane, I told you that in confidence. You promised not to say anything!”   
  
She just waves her hand. “Oh my dear, no secret is safe with a woman. So is it true?”   
  
Adam smiles fondly because Tommy is so good at this game. “Yes it is. It was an old and beautiful vase and he still owes me for it. I think he wanted to smash his guitar over my head, but he loves his guitars too much to destroy one like that.”   
  
Jane starts to laugh and after a few more easy questions (this time), she tells them that she will take her leave.  
  
“It was real pleasure to meet you Tommy. You will get my recommendations. One more thing though. We didn’t get to meet yesterday. And from what I’ve heard, you haven’t meet Amy either. If you're free, I’d like for you to come for another visit on Friday. Is this okay with you? If you have a performance or something else I can try and reschedule.”   
  
They both assure her that that’s okay, and that they will come on Friday. She also recommends that they keep the next weekend free, and when they ask why, she just says that they will have to wait and see, and with that, she leaves their house, with Tommy showing her out.  
  
The second she leaves, Adam’s self-control is gone and he collapses on the couch, shaking. Tommy finds him in this state and hurries to sit down next to him “Adam, baby? What’s going on? Are you okay?”   
  
Adam tries to calm down, but doesn’t really manage to. “She was here, without letting me – letting  _us_  -- know? What would have happened if she came by last week? What if you weren’t living here yet? When we weren’t ready? I… I… I could have lost Elizabeth, this is all my fault. I’m so stupid, Elizabeth…”   
  
Tommy gets off the floor and takes Adam in his arms. “Adam stop it. We overcame all your mistakes. She didn’t come last week, she came today and you heard her, she liked us. IT WILL BE OKAY, WE WILL MAKE IT. You will get your little girl. Calm down please. Breathe with me. Come on.”   
  
When Tommy feels Adam’s breathing becoming more even, he kisses Adam’s shoulder getting up from the couch “Lay down for a few, I’m going to cook some dinner for us and then we’ll go to bed early, okay?” Adam nods, his eyes still closed and Tommy leaves.   
  
He makes them chicken breasts with herbs, salad for Adam and fries for himself. He knows how things are these days so he puts a few fries on Adam’s plate and takes a small portion of salad for himself. He puts the food on the coffee table and looks at Adam asleep; his heart clenches on the sight of this beautiful man. He gently wakes Adam up and they take their time eating dinner, talking mostly about Adam’s day at the studio.   
  
Tommy convinces Adam to go to bed early because even though Adam doesn’t want to admit it, Tommy can see how physically exhausted Adam is. They lie in bed, watching TV, and soon Tommy realizes that Adam is asleep. Tommy shuts off the TV off, pillows his head on Adam’s chest and the simple rise and fall of Adam’s chest helps him to fall asleep.  
  
Their weekend is spent stress-free. On Saturday Adam enjoys watching Tommy rock the stage with Ravi. Truth is, he’s watching from backstage because he knows that this evening belongs to Tommy and Ravi and not to him. He watches Tommy have fun, enjoying playing his beloved guitars again and his whole being is shivering with pleasure.   
  
They go out for some dancing for a bit, and even though the paparazzi spot them at Bootsy Bellows, it can’t ruin their evening.   
  
Sunday is more fun for Adam on the red carpet of the charity event they’re going to. Tommy begs Adam to spare him from all the photographs. Adam just laughs because he knows Tommy doesn’t like the attention. They decide that Tommy will not walk the red carpet and they will just meet inside. People spot Tommy leaving Adam’s limousine and some of them even ask about it, but Adam never answers, just changes the subject.   
  
At the end of the weekend they have only a few pictures together from the after party and fans are mostly tweeting about how cute they are together and that they’re happy they had fun. All in all, the weekend was great in both, Adam’s and Tommy’s eyes, and they both fell asleep tired but satisfied.  
  
Over the next week, Adam is busy in the studio and he asks Tommy to forgive him for not being home more, because now it’s Tommy, mostly, who is taking care of the house even though he’s working with Mike too. Tommy just laughs it off. He tells Adam not to be silly, that he doesn’t mind.   
  
Adam still feels bad so he surprises Tommy one evening, knowing that Tommy will be at Mike’s that day. He gets home from the studio early and prepares a delicious dinner for them. Tommy is speechless when he sees the dinner, wine, candles and soft, quiet music playing in background.   
  
They eat together, talking about their days, about the days ahead, and about the weekend. After dinner they enjoy some wine on the couch, in front of the fire, and suddenly Tommy feels more strongly than ever, how important Adam is to him and that he wants one thing more than anything else right in that moment. He raises his head and whispers a proposal into Adam’s ear, “Dance with me?”   
  
Adam is surprised, because if there’s one thing Tommy doesn’t do, it’s dancing. “You don’t…” he’s not allowed to finish his sentence   
  
“…Please.” The plea is soft and quiet and after that Adam just stands, pulls Tommy into his arms, holding him tight in his embrace. They’re moving slowly, floating, lost in the slow rhythm of the music. Tommy rests his head on Adam’s chest, enjoying the closeness, fighting against his heart, his desire to look up, close the distance, and kiss Adam.   
  
After the music stops Adam gently teases him about being a great dancer and Tommy smiles at him, thanking him for the compliment and the dance.   
  
Even though Adam’s answer “Anything for my best friend” hurts, he doesn’t let it show. And when Adam yawns adorably, Tommy tells him to go to bed, that he will clean up the kitchen. He doesn’t want to go without helping but Tommy tells him not to argue, that he did more than enough already so he should just go and take a rest.   
  
Adam tells him he will miss him in the bed that he’s not used to falling asleep alone anymore. Tommy promises to join him soon and with that Adam heads upstairs. Tommy cleans up all the dishes in the kitchen, blows out the candles and organizes the living room. He locks the door and heads to their bedroom. When he gets there, Adam is already sleeping. Tommy doesn’t want to disturb him so he takes a short shower in the guest room.   
  
When he gets back, he can’t help but watch Adam while he sleeps. The darkness doesn’t give away much, but Tommy doesn’t need light to see him. When he can’t bear to watch Adam any longer, he turns around and looks out the window, into the night, wishing upon a star. He has to laugh at himself and his previous wishes. Once he wished for a new car or a better guitar. That seems so meaningless now. He would trade all the wishes that came true for the one wish he has now. He would trade his car, all his guitars, hell, even his job either for the one thing he’s wishing for deep inside his heart. For Adam to love him.   
  
Tommy is so deep in thought he doesn’t hear Adam wake up. His voice is soft and drowsy “Tommy? Are you okay? What are you doing there?”   
  
Tommy turns around and sleepy Adam is so adorable, he smiles fondly. “I’m okay, don’t worry. Just couldn’t sleep, that’s all.”   
  
Adam yawns widely, lying down again. “Come to bed, please. I can’t sleep well without you.”   
  
Tommy gets into bed and slips under the covers. The second he lies down, Adam spoons him from behind. He lets himself to be held, caressing Adam’s hand. On the verge of falling asleep he dares to ask, “What will you do when I’m gone? When this is all over?”   
  
“I don’t want to think about that. Not yet. But I’ll have Elizabeth.”   
  
Tommy doesn’t have an answer for that, so he just listens to Adam’s breathing becoming steady. He thinks about what he will do when this is over, because sleeping in Adam’s arms is so easy. He’s noticed that he sleeps better now so he wills himself to sleep so he can enjoy it, while he can.  
  
Friday comes quickly and in the afternoon, they’re heading out of LA again. They have the album with them to show it to Amy and they’re also taking care of some details regarding their relationship. When they get to the hospital, Jane is waiting for them, looking awfully serious. Hand-in-hand, they greet her. Adam is the first one to ask, “What happened Jane? You look worried.”   
  
Jane tries to smile, but fails completely. “I’m worried. Unfortunately Amy’s condition worsened this week. She’s ready to meet you, but I just want to warn you. She is weak and she doesn’t look good. I just wanted you to be prepared.”   
  
They both nod and Jane shows them the way to the Amy’s area. They already know the way, but she’s just being polite. They greet everyone on the way, then Jane knocks softly on the door and they go inside. Amy is lying on the hospital bed, pale and tired, but still holding Elizabeth, playing with her. She looks from her daughter to them and smiles weakly. “Hey Adam, nice to see you again.”   
  
Adam smiles back at her, trying not to sound nervous “Hey Amy. This is Tommy, my better half,“ Adam says and Tommy gets in front of him and stretches out his hand to shake Amy’s.   
  
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Tommy,” she says.   
  
After the introductions Jane excuses herself and leaves them alone. Amy has lots of questions for them and they take turns answering them; from questions about how they first met, how long they´ve known each other, to more complicated ones like what their families think about the adoption and why they think they will be good parents. They answer according to their fake story, backing up some of the answers with their fake album, but for some questions, they can answer truthfully. She smiles a bit when they’re telling her how they clicked immediately during Tommy’s audition.   
  
As their conversation progresses, Amy starts to feel more and more tired. Adam takes Elizabeth from her and goes to prepare her formula, so they can feed her. When he leaves Amy asks Tommy how hard was it for him to come to terms with the fact that he had feelings for a man.   
  
He says that it wasn’t that dramatic because Adam was his friend before that. He was more surprised than shocked. Adam returns with Elizabeth and her food just in time to hear the last part of Tommy and Amy’s conversation.   
  
“You love him so much. I can tell. I see it in your eyes.” Tommy helps her settle in a different position while answering her.   
  
“I do. He’s everything to me.” Adam’s heart clenches, because he wishes those words were true, but he knows they're not.   
  
He kisses Elizabeth’s head gently, breathing in her sweet smell, whispering, “It’ll be okay, daddy will be okay, daddy will be okay.” He waits another second to pull himself together and appears in the doorway. Tommy smiles at him the second he sees him and makes a space on his chair, so Adam can sit down and feed Elizabeth. They’re still talking but Amy mostly observes. When Elizabeth is fed, they switch places and now Tommy is sitting, Elizabeth resting against his shoulder so she can burp.   
  
Tommy gently sways her in his arms and when she burps, he asks Amy if she wants her back. When she shakes her head, stating she’s too tired, he keeps swaying her and soon enough she’s sleeping in his arms. Tommy gently deposits her into her crib and gets back. In that short time, Adam has taken his place in the rocking chair. He raises his eyebrow but Adam just smiles widely and pats his own lap. Tommy returns the smile, sits on Adam’s lap, and entwines their fingers.   
  
Amy watches, mesmerized by the couple that is prepared to replace her when she's gone, and she feels strongly that she has chosen well. She takes a deep breath, and tells them she has something to say, but asks that they not interrupt her. When they promise, she starts to speak.   
  
“After my family disowned be, because I didn’t want to give up my baby, and after I found out I was sick, I decided to put the baby up for adoption only by a couple. You both know that, and I only want to tell you that I couldn’t have chosen better. I feel the love you two share, so I have decided to tell you something. Last time you were here, I wasn’t having a procedure, I wanted to watch you, without anyone in the room with you. You two being there alone gave you no reason to pretend.”   
  
When neither of them say anything, surprised into silence, she just shakes her head and continues. “I know it wasn’t right, to spy on you like that, but I had to. I saw what I saw and after today’s visit, I’m sure that you will be great fathers for my girl. I wanted to ask you one more favor though.”   
  
When both men find their voices again, after being shocked by Amy’s confession, Adam holds Tommy close while talking. “We understand why you did it. It’s okay. Ask us anything, and if we can honor your request, we will.”   
  
Amy rests her gaze on the crib, her eyes watering. “Tell her about me. One day, when she’s old enough to understand. I don’t want her to think I abandoned her. Tell her I loved her. That I didn’t want to leave her, but I had to.” When she finishes, tears are rolling down her face.   
  
Adam and Tommy tell her not to worry, that they both promise to tell Elizabeth how beautiful, kind and loving her mom was. That she will know from the beginning that she had a mother.  
  
A soft knock on the door interrupts their conversation. Jane comes inside, pointing out that it’s getting late and that Amy needs to take her medicine. She asks Amy if she already told them. When she says that she didn’t, they look confused and Adam asks, “What is it that you were going to tell us?”   
  
Amy smiles again as she explains. “You know, when Jane was visiting you last week, she asked you to arrange for a weekend off. I asked her to ask you because I have a bit of an unpleasant procedure to go through this weekend and I thought that if you wanted to, you could take Elizabeth with you, for a weekend. Well for one night, really…so what do you think?”   
  
Adam and Tommy can’t really process what just happened; they’re just sitting there, speechless. Jane laughs and shakes her head “I think that would be a 'yes'.”   
  
Adam is the first to find his voice. “Yes, oh my god, yes! Thank you, but this isn´t common practice is it?”   
  
“Usually it’s not, but this case is anything but common…” Jane pauses, and looks at Amy who nods, giving her permission to continue. “Where was I? Yes I know. It’s not standard practice but Amy has already signed the adoption papers, along with the judge, so technically she’s already your daughter. The only signature missing is yours, Adam, but as we agreed, you will sign the papers when the time comes.”   
  
While Jane is explaining things, tears start rolling down Adam’s face and Tommy hurries to comfort him. He takes Adam in his arms and just holds him. When Adam has his feelings under control again he turns around and faces Amy. “I’m sorry, it just got to me. I can’t believe you signed the papers already.”   
  
“I told you, I’m sure I chose well.” Tommy takes Adam by the hand and just thanks her.   
  
Jane joins their conversation, thinking about practical things. “So tomorrow I will bring this little princess to your home and I will pick her up on Sunday afternoon or evening. Is that okay with you?”   
  
They both nod vigorously and when that is settled, Jane asks them to leave as it’s getting late for Amy. They say their goodbyes and leave the hospice. On the way home, Adam can’t wrap his head around the fact that Elizabeth is practically his. Tommy tells him that he told him they would make it together and when they get home and leave the car, Adam takes Tommy into his arms, laughs loudly and pure and Tommy can’t think of anything better. Before they go to bed that night, they prepare everything they might need and the two of them can’t wait for Elizabeth to be there with them.  
  
On Saturday morning, they are both nervous. Adam is not able to focus on anything at all. Tommy decides that for their own safety, Adam should just sit on the couch and look pretty. Adam doesn’t even take offence, just feels a bit ashamed. Tommy pats his shoulder, telling him that it’s okay, that he understands.   
  
After Tommy makes them breakfast, he sits down on the floor in front of the fire and starts to play his acoustic guitar. Soon enough Adam is joining in, singing along. Adam is grateful that his nerves are giving him a break and he knows that Tommy knows, he can’t resist singing along with him, and that it will soothes his nerves. Tommy just knows him really well.   
  
Tommy is in the middle of making lunch, well in the middle of ordering one from their favorite restaurant, when the doorbell rings. Adam rushes to buzz the gate and soon enough, Jane is parking her car in his driveway. Adam is waiting by the door, the anticipation killing him. Jane comes out of the car, goes around to the other side, and brings a sleeping Elizabeth to a waiting Adam.   
  
Adam asks her politely if she'd like to come inside, but she says she needs to be on her way. When she’s gone, Adam looks at the sleeping baby, his daughter. He knows he’s close, but he hasn't quite won yet. He still has to be careful, but the sight of the little girl makes his insides jump like crazy with happiness. He smiles and heads inside. Tommy is already waiting in a hall, his smile so wide it splits his face in two.   
  
“Here is our little angel,” he all but whispers. When they get to the living room, Tommy asks, “What should we do? Should we take her out of the baby seat and lay her on the bed?” Adam thinks about it for a few seconds before answering.   
  
“I’m not sure. I don’t want to wake her up. She’s so sweet like this.”   
  
They decide not to move her and Tommy rushes to the gate because their lunch will be arriving soon and they don’t want the delivery person to ring the bell. Shortly after that, he brings their lunch inside and they eat it in silence, mostly just smiling and watching Elizabeth. Adam never thought that just watching a sleeping baby could be so relaxing and fill someone with such happiness. He feels like he needs to share his thoughts and Tommy can’t agree with him more.   
  
After an hour Elizabeth starts to fidget and soon she’s fully awake, whining. Adam asks Tommy if he wants to pick her up, but Tommy just rubs Adam's hand, “First time holding her in your own home? It has to be you.”   
  
Adam smiles thankfully at Tommy and then he turns around, watching Elizabeth with admiration “Come on baby, stop crying. Daddy is here. Daddy will take care of you.”   
  
Tommy watches how tender and loving Adam is when he picks Elizabeth up, how lovingly he talks to her. Adam closes the distance and Tommy kisses little Elizabeth’s head. Elizabeth is watching him with her eyes wide open, exploring the space around her that she doesn’t know, but she doesn’t stop whining.   
  
When Adam’s swaying doesn't help he whispers in her ear, “Okay, okay baby. Do you have a dirty diaper, or are you hungry? You know what? Daddy will go and change your diaper and papa will prepare something good for lunch. What do you say? Do you like that?”   
  
Elizabeth spits out her pacifier and smiles at them, and both men are watching and that smile; it just warms everything inside them. Adam doesn't stop swaying her and Tommy realizes what Adam whispered to her.   
  
“Papa? You said papa will …” he covers his mouth in surprise.   
  
Adam, too, realizes what he said, and he wasn’t really thinking at all. He just sees Tommy that way and now Tommy looks shocked so he tries to make it right. “I’m sorry Tommy… I wasn’t thinking… If you don’t want to…”   
  
Tommy shakes his head “No, no, I want to!”   
  
Adam just smiles at him “Then go, papa, make some lunch for our baby girl.”   
  
Tommy likes the sound of Adam’s words, and he gently strokes Elizabeth’s cheek before leaving for the kitchen.  
  
“Formula or chopped veggies?” Tommy asks because he’s not sure what to prepare. On his way to change Elizabeth, Adam laughs. “Make both, we'll see what she likes.” Later when she’s changed they feed her for the first time, giving her a baby side dish of chopped vegetables. When she obviously doesn’t like that very much, Tommy has the answer.  
  
“I told you, man. She doesn’t like vegetables. I bet if I chopped up some tacos, she'd eat it.”   
  
Adam laughs. “Smart ass. Give me her bottle.” Adam repositions himself on the couch and takes Elizabeth in his arms. Tommy sits next to him and together, they hold the bottle Elizabeth is eating from. When she's had enough, Tommy takes her and rests her on his shoulder. After she burps they put her into the play area they made for her in the living room.   
  
There's a small playpen with so many toys, they wondered if they were crazy while preparing it. Elizabeth is fed and in a new diaper and she’s completely content. She lies on her back, playing with one of the toys Adam and Tommy got for her.   
  
They both watch her, fascinated. She seems to be in her own world, focusing on the toy, chewing on it or passing it back and forth between her hands. Adam puts his arm around Tommy’s waist, talking to him, but his gaze stays fixed on Elizabeth. “I never thought that watching a baby for hours could be such an amazing and perfect way to spend my free time.”   
  
Tommy rests his head on Adam’s shoulder “I know. I spent some time with Bridget while I was visiting Lisa, but this is different.” They both stay there, not wanting to force themselves to go and do anything else.  
  
In some ways, their first day with Elizabeth is monotonous. They watch her and change her diapers and feed her, but it’s the best Saturday they had in a long time. Elizabeth is their sun that shines throughout their day. The only dispute comes when they're deciding where to put her crib, since Adam felt she should sleep in her room, but Tommy can’t stand to hear her cries coming through the baby monitor. In the end, they agree that since it’s her first night she can sleep in their bedroom, and when she’s a bit older, she’ll staying her own room. Tommy is happy and he knows Adam won't be able to leave her there crying so he takes it as his personal win. They may have thought the day went great, but they don’t feel the same way about the night.   
  
Everyone knows babies wake up constantly every 2 or 3 hours, but to have one of those babies in your bedroom is a totally different thing. Adam realizes this after another loud cry wakes him and Tommy up. He is totally exhausted and the readout on the clock is 4am. He has trouble even opening his eyes. He’s happy but at the same time so desperate. Tommy can see it and at that moment, he’s grateful that his insomniac nights prepared him for sleepless nights like this one.   
  
He strokes Adam’s chin, a sympathetic look on what Adam perceives t be his beautiful but tired face. “I've got her, go to sleep. I’m used to sleepless nights, more than you are.”   
  
But Adam refuses to be a coward. “No, it’s not fair. It’s only day one. What am I going to do when…”   
  
Adam stops speaking immediately because he doesn’t want to think about the inevitable, or say it out loud. But they both know what he was about to say; “…when you won't be here” but they both decide to let it go, not to talk about it.   
  
Adam gets up and wants to take Elizabeth out of her crib, but Tommy stops him. “My turn for diaper changing, go warm up her bottle.” He smiles and Adam yawns and without thinking kisses Tommy briefly.   
  
“Thank you; I'll try not to kill myself on the way down to the kitchen.”   
  
Tommy laughs quietly watching Adam leave. “I don't know how you could overlook installing some kind of bottle warmer in her bedroom.”   
  
Adam shakes his head and yawns again. “I know, my bad. I'll order something like that first thing Monday,” and with that he’s gone.   
  
Tommy starts to sway a crying Elizabeth in his arms and heads for the changing room that adjoins her bedroom, talking to her quietly. “It’s okay princess. Papa will change your smelly diaper and daddy will feed you and then you can sleep again.”   
  
He starts undressing her and gets rid of the dirty diaper, cleans her up and uses baby lotion. While putting the new diaper on and getting her dressed again, he’s still talking to her and Adam gets to hear the last part that makes him smile lovingly.  
  
“See, you're like new again. I know you like it better when daddy sings for you but believe me, papa can’t sing and when you're older, you will appreciate me not singing for you.”   
  
Adam smiles and reveals himself, moving out of the shadows. “You know everyone loves when you sing along with me.”   
  
Tommy turns around and smiles back, picks Elizabeth up from the changing table and nestles her on his chest,   
  
”That’s not true. I’m only mouthing the words, not really singing along.” He gestures for Adam to sit in the rocking chair. Adam sits down and takes Elizabeth, feeds her, smiling down on her. When she's had enough, Tommy deposits the bottle and they head back to the master bedroom.   
  
Fed and changed, Elizabeth falls asleep soon after that, and both men do as well. The rest of the night is filled with a few hours of sleep.   
  
Morning continues in the same rhythm and even though Adam looks like a zombie and Tommy isn’t far from it, they are both sad because they know that soon Jane will come to take Elizabeth away. Adam is on the verge of breaking down and Tommy tries to comfort him. When the doorbell rings, Tommy buzzes the gate for Jane and opens the door for her. She comes inside and greets Adam.   
  
“Good afternoon Adam. How was your time with Elizabeth?” Adam tries to hide how he really feels so he smiles and continues to get Elizabeth ready for her trip back. “It was amazing, Jane. We had so much fun and so little sleep.”   
  
Jane smiles back knowingly. “Oh I believe you. You both look tired and well, I raised some children myself. So is Elizabeth ready to go?”   
  
Tommy sees Adam's breath hitch so he hurries to answer. “She is. She’s changed and fed. There should be no problems on the way back.”   
  
“That’s great” She says, and takes a sleeping Elizabeth from Adam. I have to go but I will call you with any news okay?”   
  
They both nod and kiss Elizabeth and in a few seconds she’s gone; Adam can’t help it, and the tears start rolling down his cheeks. Tommy closes the distance between them and wipes his tears away. “Oh no, Adam. Come on. You know she’s not gone for long. She’ll be back and then she'll stay forever.”  
  
“I… I know. I don’t kno … know why I’m cry…crying again.”  
  
“I know why. You are over-sensitized after having her here and we didn’t get much sleep. So now we’re going to go upstairs and take a nap. Because If I’m right, tomorrow is a big day for us and we have to look perfect” Tommy leads the way to the bedroom. Adam is holding his hand the whole time and when they lie down on the bed, Tommy pillows his head on Adam’s chest. He caresses Adam’s side and Adam’s caressing Tommy’s hair and in a few short moments both men fall asleep.  
  
Adam wakes up suddenly. After a moment he realizes that they only went to take a short nap, but judging from the dark sky outside his bedroom windows, it must be evening already. He gently shakes Tommy to wake him up. “Tommy. Tommy wake up, we have to take showers and talk about dinner.”   
  
Tommy looks at him, but his eyes are barely open. “Don’t wanna… back to sleep … talk and shower tomorrow.”   
  
Adam smiles at Tommy’s sleepiness but tries to persuade him all the same. “Come on baby, at least take your clothes off,” but sleepy Tommy is stubborn Tommy.   
  
“Naaah… tired” Tommy states, rolling onto his side. Adam decides that they'll go back to sleep, but first he has to undress himself. Doing that is easy, but Tommy? That's a completely different story. He takes a breath and starts undoing the buttons on Tommy’s shirt. Tommy grunts and protests, but Adam is persistent. Adam can’t help himself but he has to admire Tommy’s pale skin and his tattoos. He has a really hard time not touching and caressing Tommy’s torso. He takes a few deep breaths and starts to undo Tommy pants. Tommy grunts, but not that vehemently as to indicate that he’s too tired or lazy to do it himself. “Adam!!”   
  
Adam smiles widely but he’s not stopping at all. “Tommy, you can’t just sleep in your jeans. Either let me finish, or do it yourself.”   
  
Tommy growls, being his stubborn self. “I’m too tired, not going to help.” Adam laughs which only makes Tommy grumpier. “Okay, lazy ass. I’m going to undress you.”   
  
Tommy lies on his back with his eyes closed and Adam isn’t sure if he’s really sleeping or if he’s just pretending. But he doesn’t care as he wants to go back to bed himself, so he just continues to undress him. He pops the button on Tommy’s jeans and opens his fly. He gently smacks Tommy's hip and when a tiny little smile spreads across his face, Adam knows he’s not sleeping.   
  
“I know you're doing this just to see me naked,” Tommy teases and lifts his body just a bit so Adam can take off his jeans.   
  
“How can I refuse such a beautiful sight?” Adam adds, his voice just a bit hoarse. He teasingly scratches Tommy’s legs as he’s taking his pants off. As Adam is focused on taking Tommy’s shoes off, he doesn’t even notice that Tommy has opened his eyes and is watching him. In the dim light, he can’t miss the firm muscles in Adam’s chest. He’s fascinated by his broad shoulders and tattoos covering his skin. His breath gets a little uneven when he dares to look below the level of his waistband. He has to close his eyes again because he doesn’t want to embarrass himself if Adam were to catch him watching him like some voyeur.   
  
When Adam is done taking his pants and shoes off, he dares to quickly look over Tommy’s perfect body, and for a short moment his fantasy takes him to “What if” land again. How many times in the last few weeks has he thought about “What if?” He can’t even count. He shakes his head at his silly thoughts, despite the fact that he wants them all to be real, and lays down next to Tommy, bringing him into his arms.   
  
Tommy sighs contentedly, kissing gently Adam’s bare chest “Thank you.”   
  
Adam strokes his head whispering back, “Anytime. Now we should go back to sleep, because we have the big day tomorrow.”  
  
Tommy is almost asleep when he says, “It’ll be a great day. I can’t wait.”   
  
Adam doesn’t answer because before he finds an answer, Tommy is already asleep again. He keeps caressing Tommy gently until sleep overtakes him as well.  
  
  
Monday is lazy and peaceful, for Tommy anyway. He stays in bed late, being disturbed from his laziness only briefly by Adam leaving for the studio. He can’t say he minds though, because Adam disturbed him with a sweet goodbye kiss. And because the day would only get crazier later on, Tommy decides to do nothing and provoke Adam a bit so somewhere around noon he snaps a picture of himself and sends it to Adam with the simple note, “still in our bed.” The reply comes back quickly, and Tommy just smiles.   
  
“I don’t envy you at all J. Now get your ass out of our bed and get ready J”   
  
Tommy sends back a quick “K’boss” to Adam and lies back down subconsciously hugging Adam’s pillow. He grunts and finally leaves the warm bed, then goes to take a shower and make some lunch.   
  
He spends the rest of the afternoon in front of the TV, waiting for Adam to come back. When he hears the door open and close he smiles, because the fun is about to start. Adam comes closer and leans down to give Tommy a quick, sweet kiss. “Are you ready for today and for what's ahead?” he asks, sounding nervous.   
  
Tommy kisses Adam’s chin in return, nodding. “I am, no worries. I told you, it will be okay. Now if you can pick me up, or help me get off your couch, we can go get ready.” Adam laughs and takes Tommy’s hand in his own and tries to pull him up. He can feel Tommy resisting with a wide smile on his face. Adam puts on a fake frowns, but after a thinking for a moment, he leans down, picks Tommy up like he weighs nothing and throws him over his shoulder.   
  
Tommy yelps and starts to squirm. Tommy laughs loudly and starts cursing at Adam, but Adam has no mercy whatsoever. He slaps him but continues walking towards the bedroom. When he gets there, he warns Tommy and then drops him onto bed. Tommy recovers quickly and attacks Adam, drags him down and they start a tickling war. After a short fight Tommy is defeated and on his back, Adam triumphantly hovering over him. Finally Adam gives up and collapses next to Tommy, they are both still laughing like teenagers. 

Adam stops laughing and turns so he can face Tommy. “Thank you for getting rid of my nervousness. You know me so well.”   
  
“I know, you’re always welcome. Now we should really get our asses moving right?”   
  
Adam just sighs “Yeah, we should.” They both grunt in unison, and that makes them laugh. They head to the bathroom to get ready. Tommy can’t really say why, when or how it happened, but he’s not so shy around Adam anymore. He undresses down to his boxers and heads for the shower while Adam removes his makeup. When Tommy leaves the shower, wrapped only in a towel, Adam is similarly wrapped in one, ready to go in.   
  
When they’re both showered they do their hair and finally Adam does a quick job on his makeup, but in Tommy’s opinion, it's perfect as always. Adam offers to do Tommy’s makeup too and Tommy thinks, why not? They decide to go dressed casually, without ties, but Adam looks stunning in his leather pants and his half transparent shirt with rings and necklaces. Tommy feels a bit ordinary next to him in jeans and a black tee-shirt, but Adam assures him that he looks gorgeous.   
  
To play a bit with the fans and everyone else, Adam borrows him one of his necklaces. Tommy starts protesting loudly, when he realizes that Adam is going to wear heels. Adam just kisses him on his cheek, teasing him. “You know our fans love how tiny you look next to me.”   
  
Tommy takes his shoes off, heading to look for his favorite boots. “'s´not funny. Can’t change the fact you’re tall, fucker. Now, if you're wearing those--” he points to Adam’s heels “--I’ll put my sneakers on.” He says it so seriously Adam has to smile at that, teasing Tommy a bit more “Okay, baby. You'll still be little next to me, but if you feel better …” He doesn’t get the chance to finish because Tommy punches him hard in his shoulder. They laugh and finally head for the car and the restaurant.  
  
On their way there, Tommy realizes he doesn’t even know where they’re heading. “Adam?”   
  
“Yeah?” Adam replies, focusing on the road,   
  
“Where are we going? I just realized you never told me the name of the restaurant.”   
  
“I didn't? Really?” Adam is surprised. “We’re heading to The Little Door.”  
  
Tommy is not surprised by that choice because the restaurant is very good and very romantic, but he has a question “So why do you think the paps will be there to snap pictures of us?”   
  
Adam turns left at the lights and starts to explain. “Been there a few times before, and the paps were never there when we arrived, but were always there when we were leaving. I asked a friend of a friend and he told me that his girlfriend’s friend worked there as a waitress for a while and that the staff usually tip off the photographers, sometimes let some of them in to snap pictures. It’s not good at all but it will serve us well tonight.”   
  
Tommy is somewhat confused. “But how can they tip off the paps? Don’t they care about their reputation?”   
  
Adam just shrugs. “They probably don’t care, and usually people don’t mind.”   
  
When they get close to the restaurant, Adam whistles and smiles. “Look, our friends are already here and it’s not even 7:30pm. Makes me wonder who else is inside. So are you ready?”   
  
Tommy nods and takes a deep breath. When Adam stops the car the restaurant valet hurries to take the keys and park the car for them. Adam walks around the car and opens the door for Tommy. He takes Tommy’s hand in his, squeezing it tightly while they head inside. They ignore the paparazzi's question, but when one of them asks him what he's doing there, he has to laugh out loud. “It’s a restaurant. We came for dinner,” and with that they disappear inside as another restaurant employee opens the door for them.   
  
Inside is cozy, with people enjoying their meals. Adam scans the room quickly and whispers to Tommy, “No wonder the paps are here, looks like all of Hollywood is having dinner here tonight.”   
  
Tommy nods and in the blink of an eye, the restaurant’s Maitre D’ is there to welcome them. Their table is exactly what Adam was expecting. Not in the center of the restaurant so they at least have a bit of privacy but are still visible for all the staff.  
  
They sit down and order good red wine. During their appetizer course, Adam keeps looking around discreetly. He can see that some of the waiters and waitresses are watching them, but he’s used to it so it doesn’t bother him at all.   
  
After their main course is ordered, Adam leans across the table, his face almost touching Tommy’s as he whispers, “Do you want to heat things up a bit?” When Tommy nods he explains, “I saw the girl at the bar, she’s been watching us the whole time. I’m sure her camera is ready.”   
  
“What am I supposed to do?” Tommy asks quietly.   
  
Adam answers, “Just follow my lead.”   
  
Tommy nods and watches Adam reach his hand across the table. Tommy takes it into his own, but what Adam is not expecting is Tommy taking Adam’s hand and kissing it lightly. Adam’s eyes widen in surprise but then he realizes that he shouldn’t be surprised. No matter how tough Tommy might seem, Adam knows very well he has a romantic soul inside of him. He leans closer and closer until only a tiny space between them remains. He looks into Tommy's beautiful hazel eyes and when Tommy nods almost imperceptibly he closes his eyes and presses his lips to Tommy’s.   
  
The kiss is innocent at first, but to his surprise Tommy nips at his lower lip so he opens his mouth, granting Tommy the entrance he just asked for. Adam thinks that this is one of the best kisses he's ever experienced and he so doesn’t want to end it but he remembers where they are so he very unwillingly ends the kiss. They are both breathing heavily and Adam whispers into Tommy’s ear, “You got carried away. I liked it very much.”   
  
Tommy blushes at the compliment but smiles back. “I liked it too.”   
  
As they’re waiting for their meal, their fingers stay entwined on the table. Adam only lets go of Tommy’s hand when their dinner arrives. They enjoy their dinner silently, smiling at each other. Every now and then they feed each other small bites of food, completely oblivious to the world around them.   
  
When the waiter comes over, Tommy smiles at him. “We would like one pot de creme and one chocolate cake,” he order, completely ignoring Adam’s protests.   
  
The waiter leaves and Tommy looks into Adam’s eyes and caresses his cheek. “You are beautiful and sexy and hot. How can you not see that? You can eat dessert. I bet every person in this room wants to sit in my chair, be here with you. Tell me you see it. Tell me you believe me,” Tommy presses.   
  
Adam nods just as the waiter brings their desserts. “Thank you.”   
  
Tommy takes a forkful of his chocolate cake and offers it to Adam, “Don’t thank me, enjoy the cake,”   
  
Adam smiles and eats the cake off the fork. From that moment on, they both enjoy their desserts, sharing with each other out of habit.   
  
When dessert is over and the bill is paid, Adam asks for his car to be brought around for them. When they leave the restaurant, Adam takes Tommy’s hand in his again. As they’re walking, the paparazzi start yelling questions at them, taking pictures like it was the last day of their lives.   
  
  
As they're waiting, only a tiny line separates them from all the flashes. It's a small barrier the paps know they can’t cross. Adam hugs Tommy from behind, gently kissing his neck, whispering so quietly no one else can hear them. “Thank you for doing this for me, for enduring this madness.”   
  
Tommy turns his head around, looking at Adam with tenderness in his eyes. “I love you. You know that. You're both worth it,” Tommy whispers just as quietly. Tommy rests his head on Adam’s chest as they continue waiting, still ignoring the paps and their questions. They let them all form their own opinions, neither of them realizing that in this moment, they are not playing for the cameras at all.   
  
After a brief time, the valet interrupts them to hand Adam his keys, and they both head for the car. Adam opens the door for Tommy again, and when Tommy is inside Adam goes around and gets inside, starting the engine. When he leaves he takes mercy on the paps and waves to them. When they are leaving Adam asks, “I think I saw one of them taking video of us out there. It’ll be all over the Internet. Is it weird that I feel kind of jealous and sad, because of all the people that will see it when we want them to see it?”   
  
Tommy looks at him seriously “No it’s not! I know we’re doing it for everyone to see, but still it’s invading our privacy!”   
  
Adam nods, his eyes never leaving the road.   
  
They’re not even home yet when their phones start to go crazy again. They both ignore them for the time being. When they get home they ditch their boots and change into something more comfortable. When they are changed they meet on the couch, in front of the fire, in the living room. Adam immediately holds Tommy close as they both check their Twitter feeds going crazy.   
  
“Do you want to respond to that?” Tommy asks.   
  
Adam just shakes his head. “Not right now, not tonight. I just want to switch everything off and enjoy what will probably be our next-to-last peaceful evening. Besides the crazy paparazzi, we had an amazing evening and I want to cherish it.”   
  
Tommy agrees, and adds quietly, “It was. You are an amazing companion, you know. Maybe sometime we could go somewhere where we could have real privacy and be sure the staff wouldn't sick the paps on us.”   
  
Adam is surprised, but he thinks going on a romantic date with Tommy would be amazing. “You would like that?”   
  
Tommy smiles just for himself, because going on a romantic date with Adam, even though he wouldn't know it was a romantic date, sounds great. “Very much so.”  
  
“Then we can schedule a nice evening for us, when this madness winds down a bit.”   
  
Tommy turns a bit and kisses Adam’s chest. “Thank you.”  
  
  
  
“Of course. Will you play for me? I’m just going to send message to a few people to leave us alone tonight.” Adam starts taping the keys on his cell. “No questions asked, radio silence tonight. Everything has to wait 'til tomorrow. Goodnight, A+T.”   
  
He shows it to Tommy, who nods “Looks fine. Send it. What do you want me to play for you?”   
  
Adam hesitates just a second. “Map.”   
  
“I’m not sure I’ll do it justice, it’s still new to me, you know.” Tommy gets up and brings his acoustic guitar with him, sits back down and crosses his legs and starts to play. Adam is mesmerized, as he has been many times before, by how amazing it is when Tommy’s long, slender fingers create music when touching the strings. Tommy is focused on his playing so he doesn’t see Adam pointing his camera at him before setting it on the back of the couch, capturing the private moment.   
  
After Map comes Nirvana and Aftermath. When Tommy yawns Adam calls it a night, stops the recording on his phone, and they both head for the bedroom. After their evening bathroom routine, Adam pulls Tommy close to his chest. “Good night. Thank you again.”   
  
Tommy turns the last light off and sighs contently. “Thank you. It was an amazing day.” They both get quiet and shortly after sleep overtakes them both.  
  
  
The next morning starts early, because Adam’s PR people wake them up before 8am, demanding to meet with him because he has so many interview requests that they need to discuss which radio, TV or paper he will chose if any. He sounds pretty annoyed.   
  
“Maybe I should call to Jason,” Adam says.  
  
Tommy looks up from his laptop, where he is checking out their Twitter feeds surprised. “Why would you need a bodyguard?”  
  
“To protect me, Dana sounded pretty pissed off.” Adam is half joking, half serious.   
  
Tommy gets up and just kisses his shoulder. “No Jason, I will protect you.”   
  
Adam smiles fondly at that statement. “Then get ready, he will be here in two hours. Anyway, how are we doing out there?”  
  
“It’s a circus all right. There are pictures from when we went into the restaurant, and when we left. You holding me from behind and kissing my neck. Also videos from outside the restaurant, which I have to say, your fans are crazy about. You weren’t wrong with what the restaurant staff thought. There are a bunch of pictures from inside and video of you kissing me during dinner. I’m not a voyeur or anything, but we look hot together.”   
  
Adam smiles because he figured as much. “We do, right? How did the fans take it? Lots of hate?”   
  
“Naaaah, most of the fans are excited for us, wishing us luck and waiting for us, well for you really, to tell them something. Some haters are there too, but your fans are grilling them. So what are you going to do? A tweet, right?”   
  
Adam thinks about it a bit and then states, “We should both tweet them something. You don’t mind, do you?” And the nervousness is back again.   
  
“No silly, I don’t mind, it’s just I have fans only because they’re yours, so I figured mine wouldn't be that …”   
  
Adam covers Tommy’s lips with his fingers “Don’t say that. Don’t you dare! Your fans love you because of you, not because of me. You are important. You got it?”   
  
Tommy nods. “I have to think about it then. Are we waiting for Dana or should we do it right now?”   
  
“Of course we’re not waiting. We don’t need permission from him. I just want to calm him down. I don’t want to give any interviews about us, not yet. I have promo scheduled already and I can talk about everything then.”   
  
Tommy nods, typing on his cell, while Adam looks curiously over his shoulder. “So what will you tweet?”   
  
Tommy smiles and shows him:  
[@TommyJoeRatliff](https://twitter.com/TommyJoeRatliff): hands off my man [@adamlambert](https://twitter.com/adamlambert) bitches   
  
Tommy adds one of the pictures from the day before to the end of the tweet. Adam laughs because it’s both 'Tommy' and romantic at the same time.   
  
“So what've you got?” Tommy asks and now Adam shows him:  
[@adamlambert](https://twitter.com/adamlambert): I don't need to wander any more, I have found what I've been looking for.... [@TommyJoeRatliff](https://twitter.com/TommyJoeRatliff)  
  
Adam adds the same picture to his tweet. He hesitates, but Tommy encourages him “Go on, hit the send button.” Adam smiles and hits send and Tommy follows seconds after.  
  
If their feeds were crazy before, they have no idea what is going on now. Their feeds are full of “OMG, awwww, wow” and it’s running so fast neither of them can keep up. Adam is happy most of the tweets are congratulatory, but his happiness isn't long-lived. When his doorbell rings he knows problems, in the form of Dana, are on the way.   
  
When Dana comes inside, to say he’s annoyed is an understatement. He is really pissed off that they didn’t tell him what they were going to do and that he thought they would keep it secret, that it will be hell with the press and everything. Adam can understand that he got them into an unenviable situation, but when Dana starts to give orders, telling him and Tommy what to do, where they will go for an interview, Adam snaps, because Dana is his manager, but nothing else.   
  
“Stop. Stop right there. You are not ruling or organizing my private life. I get that you are upset, but this has gone too far. You will not order us around. You are my manager and as my manager I’m telling you that we have decided that we're not granting any interview right now. As far as I can see, Rolling Stone, Ellen and Leno showed interest. You can contact them and schedule a date, but no earlier than a month or two. Tell them we want some privacy for now and that we can allow few personal questions as part of my promo, when it’s time. If they don't agree, leave it. I can confirm for them that we are now a couple, but that’s it. No more details. Did I make myself clear?”   
  
Tommy is observing the whole scene, still holding Adam’s hand. Dana can be really scary when he wants to be, but he looks like a kicked puppy with all the fury in Adam’s expression. Tommy can clearly say he's never seen Adam this angry.   
  
Dana just nods, probably realizing he went too far. “I’m sorry guys, okay? I didn’t meant to order you around. I will call those three and will let you know.”   
  
Adam just nods and Dana leaves. Tommy tries to calm Adam down as best he can. “You know what? If you want to forget about him, we can go shopping.”   
  
Adam laughs loudly because no one can read him as well as Tommy can. “You want to go shopping with me just to make me feel better?”   
  
When Tommy nods Adam holds him tight. “Damn, you know just what makes me feel better. I’m going to spoil you so much you know. I’m going to buy you everything you lay your eyes on.”   
  
When Tommy leaves his embrace with, “I was afraid you were going to say that,” Adam laughs again   
  
“Move your little ass baby, we’re going shopping.”


	5. Everything changes with time

  

A few days after their “coming out” Adam and Tommy spend their days in hiding, so to speak. Adam takes a few days off from recording in the studio, and Tommy lets Mike and Ravi know he won’t be available. They spend these few days at Dominic´s place. It´s wonderful to go outside and not have to worry about being followed.   
  
From their hiding place, Adam sends only a short statement for Rolling Stone magazine, and holds a brief Twitter party. He knows he doesn´t owe anyone an explanation (even a false one) but his fans are a different story. They’ve supported him in past no matter what, and if anyone deserves an explanation or some kind of information, he thinks, it´s them.   
  
He first thanks his — or rather, their — fans for being supportive, and also asks them to let the two of them have some privacy. Then he tweets what everyone has wanted for a long time: “Twitter party”. He receives so many tweets it’s hard to even see them go by on his feed. They decide to ignore the really vulgar ones, and for a long time he´s answering only questions about music, movies and other hobbies.   
  
When someone asks him if he´s in LA right then he answers truthfully – no. Right after that, the same questions start popping up again: are they together right now, do they laugh about how the fans are, etc. He can answer all of the questions truthfully too, because they´re together and laughing. One question warms his heart. A girl with a name he and Tommy aren’t even able to pronounce asks if they are happy. Adam types YES in capital letters and it´s so true, the girl has no idea, he thinks.  
  
They talk about whether they should share some false information about their relationship as well as the more honest answers they’ve been giving, and they agree that they should. So when someone asks how long they have been dating, Adam replies “about 7 months”. Many want to know why they never said anything before now, and Adam has to laugh a bit at that. His fans are so nosy it can actually can be hard sometimes, so he writes back “Privacy, people”.   
  
When someone asks him, “Does Tommy get to fuck you?” they both laugh and he replies “haha you’ll have to ask him”. When the same person asks Tommy, he thinks about how to reply and in the end he replies, “I don´t like rabbit food”. It´s a hint, referring to one of their old interviews where Tommy said that Adam would probably let a guy top him only if he would be willing to eat the same food as him and Tommy said at that time that he would “never ever eat that shit”, not even for a chance to top him.   
  
They laughed it off then, but Tommy now realizes that it could have been true after all, as the healthy stuff Adam eats sometimes is really not his cup of tea. They both see that the guy who asked has no idea what Tommy is talking about, but many fans remember and explain what Tommy meant and their feeds are full of OMG´s and LOL´s and in the end, they are laughing as well.  
  
With the time to head back drawing near, Adam and Tommy spend a lazy afternoon in bed, watching TV   
  
“Do we really have to go back?” Tommy asks, getting even closer to Adam. They spent a beautiful few days there and he really isn´t looking forward to all the craziness and stress that awaits at home.   
  
“Yeah we do. I have to go back to the studio and you need to go back to your project. You told me yourself you are looking forward to working with Cam, right?”   
  
Tommy grunts but nods “I do. But it´s just so peaceful here. No stress, no management, no fans. Just us and nature.”   
  
Adam smiles because he has to agree. “I know and I agree. We’re lucky Dominic likes us and lets us stay here. I think the invitation for my new album’s listening party for his grandchildren was worth it.”   
  
“It definitely was. Can we stay like this for a few more minutes?” Tommy asks, not ready to let go of Adam. Adam nods, so they stay entwined together for a few more minutes before they get up. They pack their things and heads back to LA. When they get home it´s almost 8 pm.   
  
They undress to their underwear and collapse on the bed to take a short nap when suddenly Adam´s phone starts to ring. When he looks at the screen, he covers his mouth in surprise, letting the phone fall to the bed as if his hand has been burned.   
  
When he doesn’t pick up, Tommy raises an eyebrow. “Adam?”   
  
Adam takes his hand away from his mouth. “It´s Sauli. It´s Sauli´s ringtone. I don´t… I don´t know what to... haven´t talked to him since… since that day.”  
  
Tommy strokes his cheek. “Pick it up. I´ll give you some privacy.” Adam is surprised the phone is still ringing when he grabs Tommy´s hands.  
  
“You can stay”, but Tommy smiles gently.   
  
“I know, but at the same time, I can´t,” and with that he leaves.  
  
Adam takes the phone with shaking hands and answers the call. “Hello.”   
  
On the other end, Sauli doesn´t bother with “hi” or “good evening” just a direct, “Care to explain why you have supposedly been dating Tommy for seven months now?”   
  
Adam is shocked at how harsh Sauli´s words are. “Wha…What?”   
  
“Don´t ‘what’ me!” Sauli almost barks. “If I have the math right, we weren’t broken up seven months ago, six even. So when you were with me, talking constantly about starting a family, you were cheating on me? With HIM?” and the way Sauli says “him” sounds so hateful Adam doesn´t even recognize his Sauli in this mad and jealous man. Sure they fought, but it was never like this. “You owe me an explanation.”  
  
“I don´t owe you anything,” Adam says sternly. He is both sad and angry at the accusations, even though he knows he´s not in the wrong. “You walked out on me, with no explanation. Left me broken in pieces.” He states and his voice almost gives up. He takes a breath and continues. “Tommy helped me, he put all the pieces back together.”   
  
There is a short moment of silence before more accusations flow from Sauli´s mouth “I knew it. I knew that your beloved guitar player was trying to steal my place at your side, and look, it didn´t take him too long.” If Adam was trying to act decent, hearing Sauli insult Tommy like that is too much for him and he snaps.   
  
All the hurt and betrayal finally finds its way out of his chest. “How dare you! You have no right to judge me or him. He´s helping me, he loves me. He´s my best friend, the partner you were supposed to be! He would never be here if you were still here. If he´s taken your place, it´s your own fault,” and he sighs loudly because suddenly he feels very tired. “If it upsets you so much, why did you leave? You had my heart, my whole heart. We were happy; at least I thought we were.”  
  
Sauli laughs, almost ominously. “You can´t believe that. You were blind. You didn´t see anything other than the child. It was all you talked about. To me and to our friends. It was like nothing else existed!”   
  
Adam turns around and looks out of his bedroom window, the same window they used to look out of together. “It´s not true. I saw you, if that's what you're suggesting, and why shouldn´t I be happy? We were expecting our baby, we agreed on that adoption together.” Another laugh follows, and Adam isn't sure if he has willpower to continue.   
  
When was it that Sauli became so embittered? He doesn´t know. “No. You decided and I couldn´t do or say anything to stop you. And I never really wanted a child.” Sauli´s last sentence shocks him to the core. He closes his eyes and asks what he knows he needs to know, to get some closure.   
  
But he´s so afraid, he has to take a few deep breaths before he finds the courage. “Then why did you agree?”  
  
“Because I thought I could talk you out of it. That somewhere down the road you would change your mind and it would be just the two of us again.” Adam was expecting many things, but nothing like this. His knees buckle and he collapses to the floor, a single tear running down his cheek.   
  
The heartbreak he felt is now multiplied by millions. “You thought …… you thought I would change my mind? After… you saw how much I loved her? Even when she wasn´t born? How… how could you?” He drops the phone, just staring at it, as if holding it might hurt him more.   
  
“Adam.” He hears Sauli´s voice, once so dear to him, coming from the speaker. And no matter how hard Adam tries to remain stoic, tears fill his eyes and his voice. And maybe for the first time Sauli realizes that maybe, just maybe, he was wrong; maybe he went too far, but it´s too late now, too late to change anything.   
  
Adam can hear Sauli calling his name so he picks up the phone. “You don´t know me. You never did. Goodbye.”   
  
The second he hangs up, he starts to shake, with sobs. He rests his back against the window and pulls his legs up to his chest, holding them to comfort himself as the betrayal and sorrow keep filling his eyes with tears. The cruel truth hit him like a hurricane. Adam has no idea how long he sits there, before he hears a gentle knock on the door, followed by Tommy walking in to their bedroom.   
  
When he looks up at Tommy, his eyes red and puffy, his eyeliner smudged, it takes Tommy only a second to be at his side, a horrified look on his face. When he sits down next to him, Adam acts on instinct, throwing himself into Tommy´s arms. ”What in the hell did he say to you?” Tommy asks, sounding pissed off.   
  
Adam buries his face in Tommy´s chest “The tru… truth.”   
  
“What truth?” Tommy can feel Adam shaking his head, like he doesn´t want to talk about it, but Tommy presses on. He feels that Adam needs to talk about it, so he can finally deal with it once and for all. “Adam. What truth?”   
  
Adam shifts in his arms slightly, and when he talks his voice sounds tired. “The truth about why he left me. We argued, he accused me of cheating on him with you, of being blind to anything other than the baby. He… he told me he never really wanted to adopt, that he thought he could talk me out of it, that I would change my mind.”   
  
Tommy feels Adam tremble in his arms. “I´m gonna kill him. I swear, if I´ll see him again, I´m gonna kill him!” Tommy rages, but keeps holding Adam tight.  
  
Adam wipes his face with his palms, looking at Tommy. “Is it true? Was I like he said? Blind to everything else but her?”  
  
Tommy looks horrified that Adam is even thinking like that. “No. You weren´t. Sure, you were excited and you still are, but I understand that. You always paid attention to me and your friends. He has no right to say what he did, It´s not true.”   
  
Adam nods and gets quiet, lost in his own head.  
  
After a short time spent in silence, Tommy moves to get up and urges Adam to do the same. “Come on. Get up. Forget about him, I´ll be right back. Why don't you pick a movie?”   
  
When he´s leaving Adam asks softly, and a bit teasingly, “What if I pick Bridesmaids?”   
  
Tommy doesn't look back; he just laughs. “Then we'll watch Bridesmaids,” and with that he´s gone. Adam goes through his movies and when he finds the right one he puts in into the DVD player and lies down, waiting for Tommy.   
  
When he hears footsteps he looks toward the door but sees nothing. Instead of Tommy walking in he hears Tommy´s voice “Close or cover your eyes. Don´t cheat!” Adam rests his head on the pillows and closes his eyes, wondering what it´s all about.   
  
Tommy peeks into their bedroom, checking to see if Adam did as he was told. When he sees Adam laying comfortably with his eyes closed, he walks in. Adam feels the bed dip under Tommy’s weight. “So what did you choose?”   
  
Adam turns his head toward him without opening his eyes. “Velvet Goldmine. Admit it, you were afraid I would pick Bridesmaids” Tommy smiles to himself   
  
“I was, a bit. Are you comfortable?” he asks and when Adam nods, he starts the movie. He picks the spoon filled with Adam´s favorite ice cream and holds it close to Adam´s mouth.   
  
“You can open now.”   
  
Adam does just that, and he notices the ice cream immediately. He´s surprised, even though he probably shouldn´t be.   
  
“Is that…?”   
  
Tommy nods, even if Adam can’t see him. “Yep, mint-chocolate chip, and I don´t want to hear any arguments. Now eat it,” Tommy orders. Adam licks the ice cream from the spoon and groans. No matter how unhealthy it is, it tastes like heaven and soon another spoon is offered to him. He wants to say something but it only makes Tommy miss his mouth and most of the ice cream ends up on his chest. Tommy smirks and licks it up teasingly.   
  
Adam giggles because it tickles, and it’s also slightly arousing, but he doesn´t want to think about it and ruin the moment so he pushes the thought away and takes another spoon, fills it with ice cream, and feeds Tommy in return. Soon they are eating ice cream, watching the movie, and his sadness disappears.   
  
  
Tommy has a really hot dream about Adam touching him everywhere and passionately kissing his neck, until he opens his eyes and the realization hits him hard. It wasn’t him having the vivid dream, it´s Adam.  He´s moaning loudly, still kissing Tommy´s neck. As much as Tommy wants it to be real, he knows it isn´t. Adam´s touches don´t belong to him. He has to get himself under control, because no matter what, it´s really erotic and he´s getting aroused with every moan that leaves Adam´s lips.  
  
He rolls over in Adam´s arms, shaking Adam awake. “Adam! Adam, wake up.” Adam opens his eyes and it takes him a few seconds to realize what has just happened. He can see the pink blush on Tommy´s cheeks and the marks on his neck and, most telling of all, he can feel his arousal.  
  
He literally flies to the edge of their bed, taking the covers with him. His hands are shaking as much as his voice is. Tommy can see the utter horror showing on his face as he starts to apologize, tears of shame running down his cheeks. “Oh my God… I´m so sorry… so sorry. Please forgive me… don´t hate me. Please… please… please. I didn´t mean to… I just… I don´t know…You can move to another bedroom if you want… if you´re… I didn´t want to molest you…. I´m sorry.”   
  
Tommy tries to stop him, but Adam is not listening to him. He´s just repeating apologies over and over again. When Tommy sees nothing is working he scoots closer to Adam, firmly holding Adam´s face in his hands, forcing him to look him in the eye. “Stop it, Adam. Stop.” He sees Adam´s face mirroring fear and shame and it´s hurting him. “Stop Adam, you´re hurting me. You didn´t molest me! Don´t act like you’re some kind of monster. Are you with me? Do you understand?”  
  
Adam sobs but nods. Tommy sweeps the hair from Adam´s face and caresses his cheek and hands, soothing Adam´s hurting soul. Adam is calming down slowly, trying to apologize again but Tommy stops him once more. “Don´t apologize. There´s no need to. You can maybe try to explain what caused it. We´ve been sleeping together for a while now. What changed?”  
  
Adam shakes his head. “I don´t know. I swear I don´t know. Yesterday was just another day and then…”  
  
Tommy finally realizes what it´s all about. What he thinks Adam is missing. “…then he called.”  
  
Adam nods again, not really able to look at Tommy. Tommy feels his heart clench. No matter what Sauli has done, Adam still misses him. “You miss him don´t you? After all this time, you still miss him.”   
  
Adam can´t miss the sad tone in Tommy´s voice. He doesn´t like it so he tries to explain. “No, I don´t miss him. How could I after all he did?”  
  
Tommy looks up, surprised. “I thought… I don´t understand.”  
  
“I don´t miss him. I miss what he represents. Or what he did all those months ago. The feeling of having a lover close . You breathe his scent and it´s so familiar. The reality that you can touch and be touched back. Kisses and touches that sometimes lead to more and sometimes they fade away in the lazy morning. It´s freedom and I miss it. Not to have to keep my guard up, myself you know? I love what we have, I do. But it´s not the same. All the feelings are different.”  
  
Tommy listens with surprise to Adam´s confession. He never realized that sleeping with another man, or rather, next to another man, could be so really painful. Adam blushes slightly as he continues. I “t´s been a while you know, and I lost control …”  
  
Tommy realizes how ashamed Adam feels, but he also knows that he can be there for him. Even on their borrowed time. He knows Adam doesn´t love him, but he can still be there for him.  
  
He brings Adam closer to him, lying down next to him, whispering gently, “It´s okay. Don´t be afraid. I´m here for you. You can rely on me, always.”   
  
And as he´s quietly talking to Adam, his hands start wandering, mapping Adam´s bare chest. He buries his face in the crook of Adam´s neck as his fingers start teasing Adam´s nipples. He plants gently kisses on Adam´s neck, kissing his way along to Adam´s jaw, and finally he covers Adams lips with his own.  
  
He can feel Adam´s breathing getting faster and he feels himself getting aroused very quickly. Adam doesn´t stop Tommy´s hand or the kissing, and when Tommy licks his lower lip, begging for entrance with a gentle nibbling, he opens his mouth and grants Tommy entrance. Their tongues dancing together, exploring. Adam moans in pleasure and Tommy suddenly craves more.  
  
His hand travelling lower and lower until he reaches Adam´s pelvis, and softly he touches Adam´s hard dick. That wakes Adam up. He´s shocked and his hand stops Tommy´s immediately. He´s breathing heavily pressing his face against Tommy´s chest. “You don´t have to do this. I didn´t say those things to make you feel guilty.”  
  
Tommy has to use all his willpower not to cry. Adam thinks he´s feeling guilty. His whole body hurts but it´s not from feeling guilty, it´s from wanting Adam that badly. He closes his eyes and whispers back, starting to kiss Adam again, starts to touch him again. “I want to do it. I want to be here for you. Please let me. I want… please”  
  
Adam knows he shouldn´t allow it, because they´re not lovers and Tommy doesn´t love him, but he wants him so badly it hurts. He fights his hunger and the fire Tommy started inside his body, but when Tommy starts to touch him again and pleads with him to let him pleasure him, he knows he can´t win this battle. And no matter what happens later, he gives in. His hand that is clutching Tommy disappears and he kisses Tommy hard and with all the passion he feels.  
  
Tommy´s hand slips under Adam's boxers and the simple touch of Tommy´s hands make him feel absolute ecstasy. He wanted this, wanted Tommy for so long that it takes only just a few firm strokes and he´s coming, moaning Tommy´s name.   
  
Tommy have never seen anything so erotic and arousing in his life. The feeling of Adam´s hot kisses and his thick cock pulsating in his hand, mixed with his own feelings and need, makes his body tremble in ecstasy. The sight of Adam´s face lost in pleasure when he´s coming and the feeling of Adam´s come covering his hand, makes Tommy come, untouched. He would never believe it was possible. He can´t stop moaning and when Adam asks hesitantly if he can reciprocate, he blushes crimson because that it´s not really necessary. Adam doesn´t say anything, just holds him in his arms.  
  
Reluctantly, after a few minutes of calming down, they have to get up and face the world as they have busy schedules. And even though they are trying, Tommy can´t help but feel a little awkward. When he´s leaving, he kisses Adam reminding him he will return later that night because they´re going out with Mike and some other friends. He hopes he just imagined that Adam was a bit tense.  
  
Adam is left alone in their living room. He thinks about what happened and why he let it happen. He knows Tommy likes him, and has always been a little “bendy”. They even spent almost six months eating each other´s faces off but it never crossed that line, now Adam feels like he may have crossed it. He is ashamed of himself, because he let his own personal feelings cloud his judgement. He doesn't know how he´s going to face Tommy this evening.  
  
His whole day is filled with worries. He can´t really concentrate on his work. He spends the whole day apologizing for his restlessness. When he gets home his nervousness grows and he decides to do the one thing he never thought he would do. He´s going to run from this battle. He goes to bed and when he hears Tommy come home, he pretends to be asleep. He can hear Tommy take a shower and get under the covers. Because he´s not facing him, they can´t sleep in each other´s arms and he´s really missing that, but he needs time. He feels Tommy stroke his hair lightly and feels light kiss on his forehead with a quiet “Good night baby” whispered in the dark room.  
  
When Tommy comes home, he´s really surprised that Adam is already asleep, but he thinks he was probably too tired. He takes a shower and wishes Adam goodnight. The next morning though, when he wakes up, Adam is already gone. There is a message on Adam´s pillow that states “Didn´t want to wake you. Had to leave early. See you later. Adam.”  
  
Tommy doesn´t even know how bad Adam felt when he literally sneaked out of their bedroom. He doesn´t really think much of it, but when he comes home that night and it´s just after midnight, he finds Adam asleep again. Warning bells go off in his head. He tells himself that he´s going to wait one more day and will see what happens.  
  
As he thought, the next morning Adam is already gone when he gets up, and Tommy has to put up with the fact that Adam is avoiding him. He decides to confront Adam that evening. They can´t continue like this and if Adam wants to say anything to him, he will have to do it face to face.  
  
As he was expecting, when he gets to their bedroom, Adam is asleep. Tommy had enough so he stands next to their bed on Adam´s side, his hands resting on his hips “Adam,!” he says. Not quiet but not loud either. “Adam, wake up.!”  
  
Adam is not really asleep and now he´s getting ready to face an upset Tommy. He should have known better than to avoid Tommy, should have realize Tommy was going to figure it out. He opens his eyes slowly. “Tommy?”  
  
But Tommy´s not buying it at all. “Don´t ''Tommy me. Tell me, why are you avoiding me?!”  
  
Adam tries one last time “I´m not…”  
  
But Tommy doesn´t let him finish. “That´s bullshit and you know it. You are avoiding me and I want to know why.”  
  
Tommy knows why; he figured that Adam is doing it because of what happened that morning and now he doesn´t know a way out of this mess. “I know it´s because of what I did that morning Adam. If you´re trying to find a way how to tell me I crossed the line, just tell me.”  
  
To his surprise Adam can see the change in Tommy´s mood. From being upset to feeling sad. Tommy gets on the bed and sits on his side. “Tell me I went too far, that I crossed the line. Tell me to back off. But don´t ignore me, please.”  
  
Adam pulls Tommy into his arms, rocking them both. “Oh God, I´m so sorry. It´s not you. It never was about you. It´s all about me. I avoided you because I feel ashamed.”  
  
Tommy looks up in surprise. “Why would you feel ashamed? I don´t understand?”  
  
Adam starts blushing but continues anyway. “Because I feel like I used you. I know you´re open minded but I took advantage of that the other morning…”  
  
“Adam I… I´m…” Tommy tries to find the courage to tell Adam that he didn´t take advantage of him but his voice is breaking and before he can find it again, Adam breaks in.  
  
“No don´t talk, just listen to me please. I know I fucked up and I´ m sorry. It will never happen again. Just tell me we can go back. I don´t want to lose what we had. I don´t want to lose you.” Adam´s voice is a mere whisper and Tommy can see tears in Adam´s eyes.  
  
As much as it´s hurting him, Tommy nods, because he can´t do anything else. “It´s okay baby. It´s okay. Nothing has changed. We are still 'us'.”  
  
Adam seems to calm down. Tommy only leaves Adam´s arms to take a quick shower and soon he´s back. He lays on his back while Adam is next to him, switching the light off. Before Adam can spoon him he asks, feeling his face heat up, grateful for the dark so Adam can´t see him blushing. ”Can you…” Tommy´s voice fails again and he has to muster up his courage, because while Adam may only see him as a friend, he can steal a kiss. “Can you kiss me goodnight?”  
  
Adam was so scared he messed everything up. That his own feelings might destroy what they have. He still was a bit unsure when Tommy was taking his shower, but when Tommy asks him to kiss him good night, he knew that they will be okay. That his selfish act didn´t destroy their relationship. He leans close to Tommy and kisses him softly.  
  
When Adam´s lips touch his, he can feel the happiness inside his heart. Their lips fit so perfectly it hurts. Tommy knows it´s not going to last but right now, he couldn't care less. He tries to keep his passion under control and it takes everything in him not to beg for entrance with his own tongue. After a few short seconds Adam´s lips leave his own and his head is spinning, but he´s happy now. For how long, he doesn´t know.  
  
Tommy grunts because Adam´s phone is ringing and Adam is sleeping like a baby under him. He looks at his sleeping face and shakes him awake. “Dude, wake up.”  
  
Adam is adorably drowsy. “What´s going on?”  
  
Tommy just rolls on his other side to continue sleeping. “Your phone´s ringing.”  
  
Adam turns around and picks up his phone, his tone still sleepy. “Hello?”  
  
“Hello Adam, it´s Jane.” The voice at the other end says.  
  
“Hello Jane, what´s going on? It´s ……ummm seven o´clock,” Adam says confused. When Tommy hears it´s Jane, all thoughts about sleeping are forgotten. He sits up and rests his head on the headboard of their bed.  
  
Adam is suddenly awake with the news Jane has for him. “I´m really sorry to bother you so early, but I have bad news”  
  
Adam´s heart stops for a second. “Bad news?” Tommy jerks his head in Adam´s direction but Jane continues.  
  
“Yes Adam. Amy passed away last night. I need you to come here and pick Elizabeth up. The judge will be here too and you will sign the papers in front of her.”  
  
When Adam doesn't respond she calls his name a few times. Adam snaps out of his shocked state and apologizes. “I´m really sorry. How… how did it happen? I mean… she should have had at least a few more months?” He starts to shake and Tommy rushes to hold him.  
  
Jane senses Adam´s discomfort as well, so she tries to answer his questions. “We know, but apparently her heart was weaker than the doctors thought and it failed tonight. Adam, I need you to tell me if you will be able to pick up Elizabeth this afternoon. The judge will be here around five 5. Can you make it?”  
  
Adam tries to suppress a sob and answers, holding Tommy´s hand tight. “Yes. Yes we will make it. I… we just need to cancel everything and get everything ready here, but we will be there,” and with that Adam hangs up, just staring into space.  
  
Tommy shakes Adam a few times and when Adam looks at him, Tommy can see tears rolling down his face. “What happened? Adam?”  
  
Adam wipes his tears, explaining. “Amy died last night. I… we have to go and pick Elizabeth up.” Tommy just holds him tight, whispering that everything will be alright.   
  
Eventually they both get up and Adam calls his manager to cancel their day in the studio; he´s not very happy to lose out like that, but Adam isn´t really in the mood for a discussion. Adam isn´t the kind of person to yell at people but right now, Tommy is not surprised that Adam lashed out at him. “We´re not going to argue about this! I´m not coming today. The mother of my daughter died last night, so I have other things, a million different things to arrange. Almost all of them are not pleasant. You are my manager, so deal with it. ”  
  
After Adam hangs up on Dana, everything happens in a blur. They get dressed and head out to buy baby food and fresh fruits and veggies, and everything else they need. For once Adam is glad that no paparazzi are following them because he´s not in mood for them; neither of them are. They both get dressed and with the baby seat securely in place they head for the hospice to pick Elizabeth up.   
  
When they get there, everyone is smiling at them in greeting, but all of the smiles are sad as well because it´s a sad day for everyone. When they reach Amy´s suite, Adam hears Elizabeth right away. Her sobbing is tearing at his heart. They go inside and are welcomed by Jane and a lady that they think must be the judge.   
  
Adam and Tommy shake hands with Jane, who’s swaying Elizabeth in her arms, but the baby´s not calming down. “Adam, Tommy. I´m glad you came. This is Judge Thompson,” Jane says. She hands a still sobbing Elizabeth to Adam and he starts swaying and soothing her immediately.   
  
Her little eyes are red from crying and she really looks tired. “Shhh, shhh baby. Daddy is here. Everything is going to be okay.”  
  
Judge Thompson greets them all and asks for Adam´s attention. Adam asks Tommy to take Elizabeth so he can focus on the Judge and the paperwork that remains/ “I´ll take her, no worries, baby/” Tommy just smiles sadly. He takes a crying Elizabeth and leaves the room. He goes out into the hall, pacing with Elizabeth in his arms, trying to calm her down. He´s caressing her all over and he´s whispering soothing words and soon Elizabeth closes her little tired eyes and falls asleep. Tommy doesn´t know if it´s because of his soothing words and swaying, or just because she´s simply exhausted. But he´s happy she´s resting anyway.   
  
When he gets back, Adam is ready to sign the papers after talking with the judge. He signals for them to be quiet and Adam hurries to hug them, whispering, “You managed to calm her down.”  
  
Tommy snickers quietly and very gently touches her cheek. “Of course I did. Never doubt my swaying skills,” he teases.  
  
Adam smiles fondly but remembers the task at hand. With one long deep breath, he signs the papers and like that, Elizabeth is his, once and for all. The judge shakes hands with everyone and takes her leave.   
  
Adam asks Jane if she can arrange an immediate meeting with the manager of the clinic, and when the older woman comes to Amy´s room, Adam and Tommy are both there to greet her. Adam thanks her for taking care of Amy, for making her last days as easy and comfortable as possible. She might be surprised by the financial gift Adam arranged for her clinic, but she is not surprised by Adam taking responsibility for Amy´s funeral costs.  
  
When they say their goodbyes and are on their way to the car, Jane stops Adam and hugs him. “I´m really happy you got past all your fears. You make a beautiful family.” Adam thanks her because he´s happy too. He can see Tommy with Elizabeth in his arms, still rocking her gently, and he realizes that he would trade everything he has for this to be real. He returns to reality quickly, and after a few more polite words with Jane they both leave with a sleeping Elizabeth. Tommy fastens her carefully into her car seat and Adam sits next to her while Tommy drives them home.   
  
Elizabeth is so exhausted she only wakes up once when they get home. She doesn´t even have enough energy to scream, she just cries quietly. Adam changes her diaper and quietly sings for her until she falls asleep again.  
  
Tommy doesn´t even try to start a conversation with Adam. The second Adam enters their bedroom, Tommy opens his arms wide and Adam falls into his embrace. Tommy holds Adam, and all of the mixed emotions come out in tears. Tommy knows how hard it is because Adam´s dream just came true, but Elizabeth paid the ultimate price. He knows that right now, Adam can´t be happy, because he became friends with Amy. He will be happy, eventually. Tommy knows he will be, but right now, he lets Adam mourn.  
  
When Adam falls asleep, Tommy leaves their bedroom quietly just for a little while. He takes the photo album with all the pictures Adam has. He takes one of the pictures of Amy and puts it into a simple cream-colored frame next to Elizabeth’s crib. Adam put the frame there because they promised Amy and he would keep her memory alive. After that he goes back and lays down. He isn’t tired and he can´t sleep, but he wants to hold Adam, just to be there for him in his sleep. The moment he lays down Adam snuggles closer. Tommy strokes his hair gently, snuggling even closer. He wills himself to rest because he knows the next weeks will be hard.  
  
The next few days are filled with preparations for Amy´s funeral. They are both getting used to the fact that Elizabeth is there with them 24/7. They realize, through all the sad duties that being a father is amazingly tiring. The day of the funeral, they get up and get dressed. They both have huge dark circles under their eyes, but every time they look at Elizabeth, it makes it all worthwhile. Elizabeth is dressed in black as well — a small dress. She seems more content than she was a few days earlier, and she even smiles at them now. The ride to the cemetery is quiet, and not seeing any paparazzi makes Adam somewhat happy on this sad day. They are not surprised to see many employees visiting Amy at her wake .  
  
Every one of them shares stories from Amy´s life at the hospice. They speak of her love for her daughter and her golden heart. Adam only takes the spotlight for a few short moments. He is not able to hold back his tears but he´s strong enough to thank everyone again for taking such good care of her when she needed it, and to promise Amy again that she will never be forgotten. That her daughter will know her. On their way home Adam is so exhausted, he falls asleep in the car sitting next to Elizabeth.  
  
Tommy knows Adam is tired because he organized the funeral, and they´re taking care of Elizabeth. And as if that wasn’t enough Adam´s manager is pushing Adam to start promoting his new album. He knows Adam doesn´t mind doing those things, but understandably he´s not in the mood for it right now.  
  
What worries Tommy most of all is the fact that they never really talked about how things are going to end. He knows the time is coming and there´s nothing he fears more than it being over — that moment when Adam tells him he´s not needed anymore. Tommy watches Adam sleeping when he turns off the engine in the driveway. He prays to every God out there that he doesn´t believe in; prays for more time, for a miracle. He prays to be strong enough to leave Adam´s life with his head held high.  
  
When he pulls himself together he goes around to the other side of the car and shakes Adam slightly to wake him up. “Wake up baby. We´re home.”  
  
Adam´s eyes fly open. “I fell asleep?”  
  
Tommy just smiles gently. “Yeah, you did. Come on. Get upstairs and rest. I’ll take care of Elizabeth.”  
  
Adam tries to protest, but he´s so tired his arguments are dismissed. When he´s showered and under the covers, Tommy brings Elizabeth to Adam´s bed and lowers her down carefully. “Now say goodnight to your daughter.”  
Adam smiles but kisses Elizabeth´s cheek and wishes her goodnight. When Tommy leaves, Adam grabs Tommy´s free hand to stop him. “Thank you.”  
  
Tommy bows down and kisses him lightly. “You´re welcome. Now rest.” Adam closes his eyes and he´s asleep before Tommy can close the door behind him.  
  
After that day, everything kind of falls into place. They learn how to schedule everything so they can take care of Elizabeth. Adam knows very well that it´s mostly Tommy who stays at home taking care of her. Tommy doesn´t mind because he knows Adam needs to promote his new album. It secures work for them both, anyway. But Adam can be strict. He decides which days he will and will not work so Tommy can have free days too, even though Tommy protests, saying he doesn´t need them.  
  
Shortly after Adam promises to attend a charity event, Elizabeth gets a slight fever and nothing can calm her down. Tommy calls his mom and after she comes over and checks on her, she´s almost sure Elizabeth´s teeth are coming in. She suggests giving her some teething toys that can be put into the fridge or freezer, to calm her down a bit.  
  
Tommy calls Adam to buy what they need on his way home and when Adam comes home, he´s on the verge of freaking out. Tommy think it´s funny because now he has both Elizabeth and her daddy to calm down. He goes and puts the toy in the fridge and then sits next to Adam. He´s trying to calm him down by assuring him that Elizabeth is not in danger and that the pain will go away eventually, only to be surprised by the fact that Adam is not worried about Elizabeth.  
  
“I know she’ll be fine with you. I would never doubt that.” Adam says shocked by the possibility Tommy could think he´s worried about that.  
  
“Then why are you looking so miserable?”   
  
“Because I feel guilty!”  
  
“Guilty? Why guilty?” Tommy asks because he wasn´t expecting that.  
  
“Because I´m leaving you to go to some party and you’re here alone, not getting any sleep!”   
  
Tommy leans closer, holding Adam´s hand in his.  
  
“I don´t mind, Adam. I told you. I´m more used to sleepless nights. You are the one that needs to be well-rested. I can sleep when Elizabeth does.”  
  
“I know you said that. But what am I going to do when… when you´re not…” he can´t finish his question because Tommy silences him by covering his lips with his own in a short, sweet kiss.   
  
Tommy knows what Adam is implying but it hurts to hear it, to even think about it, so he kisses him to stop him from completing the sentence. “It´ll be okay. We will make it work somehow. Now go and get ready. You have to have fun tonight.”  
  
Adam gets up and, lost in his thoughts, he goes upstairs to get ready. Tommy takes Elizabeth to the changing room they had converted from the former storage room and changes her diaper. He then takes the now-cool toy from the fridge and gives it to her. Elizabeth starts to chew on it right away and apparently his mom was right. She doesn´t stop crying but she calms down a bit. Tommy sways back and forth while holding her and looks out the window. He thinks about his life and can´t forget what Adam said. And as he´s looking outside his mind keeps repeating one sentence: “Not yet; please not yet.”  
  
When he hears his name he turns around to see Adam, all ready to be on his way. He looks breathtaking in his suit with just a little makeup. His eyes stand out with the eyeliner and other eye makeup. Adam closes the distance between them and kisses his daughter goodbye. “She calmed down a bit. Try to get some rest. Pease.”

Tommy can´t tear his eyes away from Adam´s breathtaking beauty. “I´ll try, I promise. You look breathtaking, so go and shine.”  
  
Adam smiles at Tommy shaking his head. “It´s just makeup and clothes. You look more beautiful with Elizabeth in your arms.”  
  
Tommy blushes at the compliment and after a brief hesitation, Adam bows down and kisses Tommy. It´s slow and sensual and very arousing. After a brief moment Adam´s lips leave his and Adam disappears, leaving Tommy standing there frozen.  
  
  
Later that night Adam comes home, his head hurting from all the interviews. The event itself was amazing and great for LGBT but how could he answer questions about his future when he doesn´t even know the answer. He gets rid of his shoes and jacket and goes to check on Elizabeth. When she´s not in her crib, he immediately knows she´s with Tommy in their bed.   
  
He moves quietly and just as he thought, Tommy is sleeping on their bed with Elizabeth next to him. He watches them quietly and suddenly he can´t breathe. He sees  _his_  daughter, but all he can think about is that she's  _theirs_. He´s so used to thinking about everything as theirs. Their house, bedroom, daughter… future. He can see his future in bright colors and he´s never alone. He always has Tommy by his side. What is he supposed to do now? How come he didn´t notice he fell in love with Tommy? How can he survive Tommy leaving his life?   
  
He takes Elizabeth into his arms and takes her to her own bedroom, holding her. He looks out of her window, thinking about his options. He feels tears running down his cheek when he realizes what he has to do. He talks to his sleeping daughter. “I have to tell him, baby. I have to tell papa. I have to tell him I love him. That sleeping next to him every night and not being able to touch him is killing me. He is a good man, baby. He will never judge me but he will want to go. I have to tell him and hope our friendship will survive so I can have him in our life. I know he will always love you. He will always be your papa, in my mind.” After being strong enough to say it out loud, he lays Elizabeth down in her crib and wipes his face, sobbing a bit, whispering to himself, “I will do it soon. I promise.” And with that he kisses his baby girl and heads to his bedroom.   
  
He takes a quick shower and gets into bed. He brings Tommy into his arms, spooning him, breathing in Tommy´s scent. He´s sure Elizabeth will wake them up shortly and he has to deal with his own feelings, but for now, he´s happy.  
  
After that night Tommy starts to feel different. He can't really figure out why, but the feeling is there. Adam is still affectionate and tender and fun. They spend lots of time together playing with Elizabeth. They are happy with all of the progress she makes and it makes them happy but at the same time, he sees sadness in Adam´s eyes even though he´s smiling. They have their routine of good morning and goodnight kisses, but more and more Tommy feels that Adam is kissing him like there is no tomorrow. Last time Adam went to some musical premiere with Sutan he kissed him slow and passionate but he can´t help but sense that Adam was desperate. He feels something is happening, he just doesn´t know what.  
  
Now that Elizabeth´s teeth are not causing so much trouble, he spends more time on the Internet. He realizes some fans are sweet and some are crazy, but he thinks that reading some of their tweets could hurt anyone. He opens his laptop and puts his legs up on the coffee table. Elizabeth is resting peacefully next to him, pillows all around her to prevent her from falling off. He opens twitter and check his mentions. He hasn't been on twitter for so long, he thinks, maybe he can tweet something funny.  
  
He starts reading his mentions and at first he´s glad that he sees a lot of tweets with his and Adam´s name in them, but his smile fades when he realizes what all those people are talking about. Why do all of those people think they broke up? He knows that they haven't been seen together much but it´s mainly because they don´t have much time to go out these days. His heart clenches when he reads some girl telling another that Adam doesn´t talk about them, never answers any questions, and that it´s suspicious. Tommy doesn´t want to believe any of it because if it´s true, it means their time is over.  
  
He´s not out there as much, open to world, because he likes his privacy and it never occur to him to search for any information. He searches more through his feed and opens some links pointing to Adam´s interviews. Some are videos, some are print articles. He watches all the videos he can find, reads all the articles as well, and all he can see is Adam. Beautiful Adam talking about his new music and about all the experiences he had while he was recording. And in every single one, Adam refuses to talk about his private life. He admits that there are big changes in his life but he is not willing to talk about it. Every blog opens is speculating about what these changes might be and most of them agree that after some time, Adam is single again.  
  
Tommy realizes that the last few weeks he was basically home with Elizabeth all the time, or when he had days off, he was happy to just drive around in his car and he has to admit that he wasn´t really social with anyone except Adam but he never needed to ask those things because he believed Adam would tell him. Adam would give him time. He´s always been honest with him.    
  
His head starts to spin and the only thing he can think of is “No, God not yet” but deep inside he´s slowly accepting the truth. He tries hide his feelings when Adam comes home that day, but he knows they need to talk. Adam needs to tell him the truth. He knows Adam has a party scheduled for next night but they both have day off after that, so he is determined to solve this for good, because he can´t go on like this anymore. It just hurts too much.  
  
The next afternoon Adam is preparing for the party he´s supposed to attend. He tells Tommy it´s for a good cause so he´s going but he would rather spend his evening with Tommy and Elizabeth. Tommy is sitting on the couch with Elizabeth nestled in his arms, thinking about what he wants to say to Adam, when the doorbell rings. He asks who´s at the gate and the answer makes him weak in the knees. The girl introduces herself as a candidate for the position of Mr. Lambert´s babysitter, sent by an employment agency. He buzzes the gate open and waits for her at the door. When she comes in, he asks her to wait in the living room and leaves to tell Adam. When she tries to touch Elizabeth in Tommy´s arms, he turns around sharply, not letting her.   
  
He knocks on the bathroom door and enters. Adam smiles at him but when sees Tommy´s strict face his smile fades. “What happened, baby?”  
“There is a girl downstairs waiting for you. Said the agency sent her for an interview to be your babysitter.” Tommy tries hard not to sound cold, but he does anyway. He holds Elizabeth even closer to his chest as he turns around and leaves the bedroom whispering, “Come on baby, Tommy will take you to your bed.”  
  
Adam gasps in surprise behind him, because Tommy has never addressed himself other than papa and he knows he just made a huge mistake not telling him about the babysitter.   
  
He tries to stop him. “Tommy …” But Tommy can´t face Adam right now, he´s not strong enough. “She´s waiting, Adam.”  
  
And with that he´s gone. Adam goes downstairs and introduces himself, but apologizes, saying he can´t hold the interview because he´s leaving soon and that he probably mixed up the dates. He schedules a new date with the sitter, and shows her out. He heads to Elizabeth´s room to face Tommy. He realizes he hurt him, he just doesn´t know how much.  
  
In Elizabeth´s room Tommy is looking out the window, trying to pull himself together, thinks about what this all means. Everything he comes up with pushes him closer to tears. He thinks about Adam and how things have changed. He now understands all the weird vibes and strange feelings. He realizes that that even people he never met knew before he did. He wanted to doubt, wanted to keep his faith for a little longer, but hiring a babysitter without even mentioning it could only mean one thing. His borrowed time is up.   
  
Elizabeth won't need him anymore, Adam won't need him anymore, and all he can think of is how much he wants to be needed. He curses himself because he knew this moment would come sooner or later, and he knew it would hurt. He never realized how much though. And the fact that Adam wasn´t honest enough to tell him hurts even more. He hears the door open, but he doesn´t turn around. “You´re hiring a babysitter. Why?”  
  
“I´m sorry for not telling you. I… I… please don´t be upset.” Tommy doesn't miss the fact that Adam didn´t answer him. He holds Elizabeth so tightly he´s afraid he might crush her. He goes to her crib and lays her down. He tries to avoid looking at Adam, looking down on the precious girl instead, talking quietly.  
  
“I don´t want to be, because I know I have no right to be. She´s your daughter after all.” He returns to the spot by Elizabeth´s window.   
  
Adam gasps in surprise. Tommy sounds so defeated, his heart clenches. He takes a step closer to Tommy, wants to comfort him but Tommy senses his movement and stops him. “Please don´t…”   
  
Adam doesn´t need Tommy to finish the sentence to understand that Tommy doesn´t want his touch. In that moment Adam understands, that he fucked up badly, because no matter what happened before, Tommy never asked him not to touch him. He's about to say something, but his phone starts to ring.   
  
He dismisses the call quickly. “That… That was my driver. I have to go, but we can talk tomorrow. Tell me you will talk to me tomorrow. That you'll tell me what I did to hurt you so much that you can´t stand my touch. Please?”  
  
Tommy takes a deep breath, and then another one. “Yeah, we´ll talk tomorrow. Go. Have fun.”   
  
And it´s true because one thing is certain, they need to talk. Adam is so lost he doesn´t know how to leave. It feels like he´s leaving Tommy behind. He takes two big steps over to Elizabeth´s crib and kisses their sleeping daughter. “Good night sweetheart.”   
  
He can see how Tommy tenses when he steps closer; he knows Tommy is watching him out of the corner of his eye, but he´s not going to cross Tommy´s boundaries.   
  
“Goodnight,” he whispers and kisses his fingers, then softly presses them to Elizabeth´s forehead. He turns around and leaves, leaving Tommy alone.  
  
When he´s gone Tommy goes to their bedroom and watches Adam leave, hidden in the shadows. As he´s watching him, he thinks about the next day, and the days after that. He thinks about what he's going to lose. Part of his soul with his daughter, his whole heart with Adam.   
  
He goes back to Elizabeth´s room, gently touching her forehead, his fingers searching for the kiss Adam left there. As he touches his lips with his fingers, his heart breaks into a million pieces. He lays down on the sofa opposite Elizabeth´s crib, watching the sleeping baby, not wanting to lose a single moment. And as he watches her he slowly falls asleep with his fingers still touching his lips.  
  
Later that evening, Adam tries to enjoy himself at the party, but he just doesn´t feel like it. Everyone, even those with familiar faces, feels distant. And he thinks it´s not because they are distant but because he is. Everyone is asking questions and he is tired of answering them again and again. The same questions from different people. Questions about his life and future. But how can he answer them when he doesn´t know the answers? That morning he had them, at least he thought he had them. Or at least he had hope. Now he isn't sure where he stands. Every unanswered question leads his mind back to Tommy, and the picture of hurt and devastation in his whole being.    
  
All Adam can think about is what made Tommy hurt that much, why he was so devastated, and he can´t figure it out. He knows it was the babysitter but he doesn´t know why. After hours of pretending to be having a good time, hiding his true self, he decides that he's had enough. He doesn´t want to be there. He wants to be at home, with Tommy. He wants to clear everything up. He wants to be brave and finally tell Tommy the truth about his feelings, because lying only hurts.  
  
He finds his manager and tells him he´s leaving. Dana is not happy about it, but one look at Adam´s face convinces him to accept it. When Adam gets home it´s all quiet and he wouldn´t expect it any other way after midnight. Elizabeth is due for a feeding in a couple of hours or so. Adam is sure Tommy is sleeping, trying to get some rest. He locks the door, takes off his boots and his jacket and heads up to give Elizabeth a goodnight kiss before going to bed. Will he finds Tommy in their bed? He really doesn´t know and that scares him.  
  
When he´s nearly at Elizabeth´s room, he hears Tommy´s guitar. He smiles because he thinks Elizabeth must have woken him up earlier. He gets closer and peeks into the bedroom. Tommy is sitting on the chair next to the crib, his back to the door, quietly playing his acoustic guitar. Adam just can´t tear his eyes away from him, feeling a bit bad for spying on him like that. After another song, Elizabeth starts to cry so Tommy sets the guitar aside and takes her from her crib and goes to change her diaper, teasing her lovingly about her smelly diapers. Adam expects Tommy to lay her back in the crib so he hides in the shadows. To his surprise, Tommy doesn´t lay Elizabeth down. He turns the lights off but continues swaying her in his arms. He stands in the dark by the window, as he starts to talk to her.    
  
Adam thinks he maybe wants to give her some fatherly advice so he stays, wanting to hear it. To his utter horror, not a single bit of life advice comes, only what Adam thinks is a sad goodbye. “Papa will have to leave soon…” he starts and Adam's heart clenches. “… I don´t want to, but there is no other way. You see, your daddy loves you more than anything, but he doesn´t love me. Not the way I love him… and it hurts more than I ever thought was possible.   
  
“He loves me as a friend, and that should be enough, but it´s not. He doesn´t need me anymore, he doesn´t talk about “US” anymore, because there is no us, there never was. I tried to show him, you know, that I love him. That I´m worth his love. That you and he are everything to me. But he doesn´t feel it. And I understand. I´m not like the boys he meets at those parties he´s going to. I´m not out there, shiny and sparkling. I´m just me and that´s not enough.”  
  
“I will always love you my baby girl, but I have to learn how to love you a different way, not as my daughter. I have to leave to put my heart together, so I can live in your world and not to be broken. I will stay in your life, I promise you. I will be your uncle or godfather, if your daddy will let me. I will spoil you and will be the good one when daddy is the bad one. One day he will find a man he will love and I hope I will be strong enough to be happy for them, for all of you.   
“I know you don´t understand, but maybe one day you will find an old picture of me, daddy and you, and you will want an explanation. And maybe then daddy will tell you our story. A story about two best friends who decided to overcome everything so your daddy could gain the most precious gem in the world, you.   
  
“If that day comes, I pray for you not to hate me for leaving you, for leaving you both, because I wouldn't be able to survive the feeling of you hating me. I will see you grow up, go to school and university and maybe get married. And if you see sadness in my eyes, it´ll be sadness for what I lost. Maybe you will see jealousy for every man that could call himself your papa, but there will always be love as well, love for you …”  
  
Adam can´t listen anymore. Tommy is so heartbroken he can´t even think how that must feel. The feeling that he doesn´t need him anymore. The reality shakes him to his core. He doesn´t quite understand why, but right now, Tommy thinks he doesn´t love him or need him, and he has to make it right. He takes all the courage he has inside him and whispers, “Tommy”.   
  
Tommy turns around in shock, his voice stuck in his throat. “How long have you been there?”  
“Long enough,” Adam says gently and he can see the change in Tommy.   
  
Panic rises on his face. “Oh my god, oh my god. You weren't supposed to hear that,” Tommy says brokenly and before can react, he sneaks around Adam, running downstairs, desperately wanting to hide. Adam calls out to him, but he´s not listening.   
  
He heads downstairs quickly to find Tommy curled up on the couch, face hidden in his hands. When he hears footsteps he looks up at Adam, and starts to apologize. “I´m so sorry you had to hear that. You weren´t supposed to hear that. I was saying goodbye to Elizabeth, I´m sorry… I´m sorry… I´m sorry.”   
  
Adam leans closer to wipe Tommy´s tears away, to touch him. “Don´t apologize, please don´t apologize. Explain it to me, tell me what´s wrong,” Adam pleads, but the fact that Tommy let him touch him is a good start.  
  
“What´s wrong? Everything. I love you an… and you don´t love me and… and you don´t need me anymore. And I know I have no right, because this is not real. How could I think this was real? I´m sorry because I know you didn´t sign up for this. I know me falling for you wasn´t part of the plan, but there´s nothing I can do. I´ll leave, but pl… please promise me I can stay in her life somehow,” and as he finishes he hides his face again, not able to look at Adam.  
  
Adam watches in horror as the love of his life breaks down in pieces, but he still doesn´t understand, not really. “What? How can you…?“ When he realizes that Tommy is not listening to him, he gently touches Tommy´s chin and forces him to look at him. “Why do you think I don´t love you or need you, how can I be hurting you so much? Talk to me, please.”   
  
Tommy wants to look at him but he´s not strong enough so he closes his eyes. “We… we never talked about, how… how this will end and after the, you know, the only morning we… we were together, I thought It might be real. But I was a fool. You´re not …” Suddenly Tommy gets silent.   
  
“I´m not…?” Adam asks encourages Tommy to continue, when he does, finally everything starts to make sense and Adam wants to hit himself so very badly.   
  
“Sometime after that you… you stopped talking about us. I saw all the interviews and articles out there, and there was no “us”, just avoidance …” Tommy wipes tears from his eyes but continues. “Every time you went out… you never answered any question about our … fu … future. I tried so hard not to think about it but then yesterday, the girl came. To take what never was mine, but it hurt so much. The simple thought you wanted Elizabeth to be less dependent on me so I could leave. So you could have your life back, like it was planned…”  
  
When Tommy finishes, tears are streaming from beneath his closed lids and Adam finally understands. It´s all one huge misunderstanding, but it´s still his fault that Tommy is hurting. He did all those things Tommy said, but for completely different reasons. And his choice not to tell him was the worst mistake of his life. He broke Tommy´s heart and now he has to put it back together.  
  
He leans closer and takes a deep breath. “I´m so, so sorry, Tommy.”  
  
Tommy opens his eyes surprised. “So… sorry for what?”   
  
“For breaking your heart, I never wanted to. I swear…” And as he´s talking, he can see the sadness getting even deeper in Tommy´s eyes because, they way he sees it, everything he says, he chooses the wrong words and hurts Tommy, so he hurries to explain, mentally kicking himself.  
  
“No, no, no. It´s not what you think! I´m sorry for breaking your heart because I love you too. I love you.” He gently strokes Tommy´s cheek.  
  
Tommy looks at him with his eyes wide. “You… You love me? How? I don´t understand.”  
  
Adam stretches his hand out and takes Tommy by his hand. “Then let me explain. I love you, I realize it every time I see you with Elizabeth. To be honest I think the feelings were hidden deep inside for some time. And after that morning I realized, that I had no right to be using you…” when Tommy wants to say something Adam just shushes him and continues.   
  
“I never talked about our future because I didn´t know where I stood. I knew you  offered that morning but that could have been loneliness, or being horny, or just plain pity. I tried not to let it show, but I was fighting my self-consciousness, or maybe cowardice. It´s very dangerous for me to have hope when it comes to straight, yet bendy or curious boys. I can easily get my heart broken. And then one day I came home and Elizabeth was sleeping with you in our bed. I saw pictures from her future and in every single one of them, you were there, with me. Then I decided to gather my courage, and tell you. To risk everything we had, our friendship and future as bandmates, and admit my feelings. So I told Elizabeth I will do it soon. I wanted to set things straight and instead I hurt you so badly. Can you forgive me?”   
  
Tommy looks at Adam, completely speechless, frozen. Just seconds ago, his heart his broken and now Adam said he loved him and his heart is ready to jump out of his chest. He feels light-headed and happy.   
  
When Adam´s “Tommy?” brings him back to reality, he realizes he´s still sitting there, not moving, not talking and that Adam is probably scared of his reaction. In the blink of an eye though, he throws himself into Adam´s arms. He doesn´t want to cry anymore but tears find a way to his eyes, but this time, they're happy tears.   
  
He starts kissing Adam gently, nibbling at his lips, whispering, “You love me, oh my god, you love me. I can´t believe it!”   
  
“Mmm-hmm, believe it. It´s true,” Adam says, without stopping the kisses. His whole body feels like it's on fire and the urge to take over is strong. But if there's one thing he doesn´t want right now, it´s to start something on his couch. Tommy deserves better than that, and so does Adam's back. So he shifts them slowly and then he whispers into Tommy´s ear, “Legs around my waist baby,” and he emphasizes his request with a gentle bite and an even gentler kiss to the crook of Tommy´s neck. “Now.”   
  
Tommy wraps his legs around Adam´s body, and his arms around his neck. He kisses Adam´s chin as Adam gets up, lifting him like Tommy weight nothing   
  
“You just gave me a hickey, right?” Adam smiles and kisses Tommy with more purpose now, slowly going from light nips to more passionate ones. “Yes. I wanna see my mark on you tomorrow.” And as he´s talking he lifts Tommy a bit so he can hold him better. Tommy moans when he feels Adam´s hands on his ass.   
  
Adam's hands are gentle but firm, holding him as Adam starts walking. “Where are we going?” “  
  
“Our bed,” Adam answers between kisses and Tommy can only moan in response because he likes that idea. When they get into their bedroom Adam lays him on the bed gently and covers his body with his own.   
  
He looks directly into Tommy´s eyes. “I want to explore your body, little by little, so you can´t do anything other than feel.”   
  
Tommy´s body is trembling with arousal and his moaning gets progressively louder. “Oh my god, the things you do to me. But stop talking, prove to me you can do everything you talked about.”  
  
Adam all but growls when he attacks Tommy´s neck. He starts undoing buttons on Tommy´s shirt and from out of the blue his fingers become clumsy and shaking. Tommy smiles at him, pushing his hands away. Adam takes the hint and sits watching Tommy undo the buttons for him. Adam watches mesmerized. Tommy loses the shirt and he can´t wait any longer.   
  
He bows down, his hands wandering over Tommy´s naked chest. “You are so beautiful.” He can see Tommy´s breathing getting faster and when his hand wanders further south, Tommy´s hand stops him. “Adam.”  
  
Adam looks shocked and starts apologizing because in the haze of arousal and excitement he totally forgot how inexperienced Tommy is. “Oh my god, I´m so sorry, I was too fast, pushed too far. Sorry, baby, so…”   
  
Tommy´s smack on his chest brings him back to reality… “You weren't pushing too hard or anything”  
  
“Then why did you stop me?” Adam asks with confusion written all over his face as he sees the amused expression on Tommy´s face   
  
“Listen man.”   
  
And finally Adam focuses, and hears quiet whimpering coming from the electronic baby monitor. “Oh, oh, ohhhhh you heard her.”   
  
Tommy nods. “I did.” Adam leaves the bed, but kisses Tommy first. “I´ll get her, you stay.”  
  
Tommy spreads himself out on the bed, hugging Adam´s pillow “I fed her just before you came so it´s either her diaper or she's just lonely.”  
  
Adam smiles and out of the corner of his eye notices a change in their bedroom “What is her other crib doing here?”   
  
“I didn´t want you to be here alone, and I didn´t want her to be alone either, when I thought… you know, when I thought I wouldn't be here.”   
  
Adam turns around, kneels on bed and kisses Tommy fast. “Thank you.”   
  
Tommy just smiles and says “go”. After Adam leaves, Tommy´s lying on their bed, still hugging Adam´s pillow, thinking about this day. And despite of all the pain, it was a good day.   
  
When he hears footsteps he looks up to see Adam with their daughter in his arms. She´s blinking, her eyes tired so Adam immediately turns the light down. He gets into bed and she instantly stretches her tiny hands out, demanding Tommy´s arms. Tommy takes her from Adam and holds her, swaying her, kissing her all over. “Shhh baby, it´s okay, papa is here, papa is not going anywhere.”   
  
After a few minutes of rocking, Elizabeth falls asleep and Adam, who´s been watching them the whole time, pats the bed next to him. “Lay her down here. We´ll get her to her crib later.”   
  
So Tommy does. He lays Elizabeth down and he lays down too, on his side, watching her and watching Adam. They can´t let their eyes slip from each other, or stop caressing their litter girl. Just above her head, he takes Tommy´s hand into his. “I love you, I´m so grateful for you both.”   
  
Tommy smiles fondly and closes his eyes, holding Adam´s hand tightly. “I love you too, you are everything to me.”   
  
And just like that they are lying in their bed, holding hands with their daughter sleeping peacefully between them. They fall asleep as a real couple for the first time. Their sleep won't last long because in few hours their baby will wake up and will be demanding their full attention. But neither of them mind because she´s worth all the sleepless nights. Every parent in the world has survived it, and they will too. And tomorrow will be a new day. The first day of their future together and they can hardly wait to wake up and live it.


	6. It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life and I´m feeling good

 

Tommy wakes up and immediately it hits him that today is the first day of their happily ever after. He knows very well, that the future holds fights and arguments, but it holds also happiness and making up. He looks over at Elizabeth´s crib and she´s sleeping peacefully so he decides to be bold and wake up Adam in a not really typical way. He slowly and carefully unbuttons Adam´s shirt and starts to place gentle kisses all over his chest and throat and soon enough sleepy Adam´s hand finds its way into Tommy´s hair   
  
“Hmmm baby, what are you doing?” He asks and yawns widely.   
  
Tommy takes it as permission to go and kiss Adam breathless “I´m waking you up.”   
  
“Really?” Adam asks playfully   
  
“Really” Tommy states and attacks Adam´s lips again.   
  
Adam moans loudly and decides to get back in charge. He flips them over and in a second Tommy is laying on his back under him pliant with a smug smile on his face. Adam moves fast and holds Tommy´s hands above his head. He leans down, owning his mouth. Their moans get louder as Adam deepens the kiss. Maybe too loud because one second Adam was ravaging Tommy´s mouth and the next he hears their daughter sob.   
  
He collapses next to Tommy, giggling “Did we just wake her up?”   
  
Tommy covers his face to hide his blush “I think we did.”   
  
Adam uncovers his face and kisses Tommy lightly “you´re even more beautiful when you´re blushing. Now come on, our princess is demanding our attention.”  
  
They get up and Adam picks a crying Elizabeth from her crib. They both kiss her good morning and go separate ways. Adam to change her and Tommy to make them all some breakfast. He´s in the middle of the preparations when Adam appears in the kitchen doorway. Elizabeth is contently clapping her hands, smiling underneath her pacifier.   
  
Adam can’t seem to be able to keep his hands and lips off of Tommy. Touching, planting kisses everywhere he can reach with Elizabeth still in his arms. It makes Tommy feel special and loved. He trembles with happiness inside but when he almost cuts his finger, because Adam nipping at his neck gets him by surprise. Half seriously he sends Adam to take a seat and feed Elizabeth.   
  
Adam unwillingly goes but demands the right to feed Tommy. Tommy agrees only if he can feed Adam. Their breakfast is fun and a bit messy because every other piece they´re feeding each other, it attracts Elizabeth´s attention and her tiny hands are in the way almost the whole time. At the end Tommy goes to clean up the dishes and Adam decides to clean up Elizabeth´s hands the easiest way; licking them clean.   
  
When he´s done and Tommy finished as well, he takes Tommy´s hand and leads them to the living room, to their favorite place in front of the fire. Adam sits Elizabeth on his knee, supporting her and Tommy sits on the floor between Adam´s spread legs. Adam caresses Tommy neck just below his ear. He takes a deep breath, then another, and another.   
  
He kisses Elizabeth´s forehead and finally leans down and whispers into Tommy´s ear, his heart hammering in his chest “Marry me”.   
  
Tommy snaps his head, shocked to his core. He knows they love each other and he wanted the engagement to be real, basically from the start, but what Adam wanted was totally different story. And now he knows Adam wants the same. He turns completely between Adam´s legs and gets up on his knees so he´s same level as Adam.   
  
He looks down and caresses their daughter´s cheek, smiles widely when he looks up at Adam. He leans closer and closes his eyes, enjoying the moment “I will, oh my god, I will.”   
  
Next thing he knows, Adam kissing him. His lips firm and his tongue demanding entrance that he gladly grants. Adam´s kisses are always hot, sexy and intoxicating and Tommy can´t really think. He can only feel the heat that radiates from Adam´s lips.   
  
A little kick from Elizabeth reminds them that there is someone else in the room with them. Adam allows himself last little nip on Tommy´s lips. He lays down on the floor with Tommy next to him and Elizabeth sitting in between them, playing with one of her toys, chewing on it happily.   
  
Adam strokes Tommy´s hair, closing his eyes “I love this. It´s so peaceful, with just you two. Don´t get me wrong, I love the stage and singing and going out, but this is something different. Here I´m just me and you´re just you. We´ve seen each other at our lowest and it made us stronger.”   
  
Tommy is watching Adam as he talks and leans closer, wipes Adam´s hair from his face. Adam opens his eyes and looks into Tommy´s as he speaks “And now we´re here. And you are my fiancé.”   
  
Adam closes eyes just for a second “Fiancé. How beautiful that sounds. But I didn´t get a ring for you. We can search …”  
  
Tommy shakes his head to stop him “I already have a ring Adam.”  
  
“But that wasn´t …”   
  
Tommy covers Adam´s lips with his finger, not letting Adam finish the sentence “No. When you gave it to me, or maybe shortly after, I hoped and prayed for all of this to be real. And now it is and that ring is perfect. I never took it off and I never will. I don´t need another one, Adam. Mine is perfect.”  
  
Adam nods and kisses Tommy gently “Okay.”   
  
Later that day, when they´re playing with Elizabeth in the garden Adam lays her down on the bed made from sheets and pillows so she can rest and looks at Tommy “We should tell our friends and families. That we are together I mean.”   
  
Tommy smiles at him, well more giggles really. “I think they know, man. I mean, probably everyone knew long before we did.”   
  
Adam has to agree “I know, but I want to tell them that we´re officially together. No more lies, no more pretending you know?” and Tommy knows.  
  
He knows what all the lies did. How hard it was for Adam. He lays down and rests his head in Adam´s lap “We can, I don´t know throw, a party or something? Like ´introduce´ Elizabeth properly. I mean of course everyone knows but we never did anything official so we ask everyone to come here again and then we will just tell them.”  
  
“Sounds okay but do we have to invite Neil too?” Adam jokingly asks because he loves his brother, he really does but Neil can be such a brat sometimes.   
  
“Yes, we have to. I know he´s a smart ass, but he´s your brother so we will have to survive the Neil apocalypse. We´re strong together, we´ll make it.”   
  
Adam punches Tommy’s shoulder playfully, pouting “Now you´re making fun of me!”   
  
Tommy laughs but when he notices that Elizabeth is sleeping he quiets down a bit “May be, but you will survive that too, huh?”   
  
Adam just nods “So how are we gonna do it? Send everyone an e-mail with some nice invitation? Or we´re call everyone?”   
  
Tommy thinks for a bit. “I think we should call everyone, it´s more, like, personal?”   
  
“I think you´re right. So, as you are on top of me right now, will you get up and make the calls? I´ll watch Lizzie and then we can switch.”   
  
Tommy raises his eyebrow while getting up “Lizzie?”  
  
Adam blushes a bit and Tommy has to smile because it will never stop amaze him how the smallest things can make Adam blush, when he is so sexy and hot on stage and everywhere else. “I thought she deserves a nick name, so…”  
  
Tommy looks down at Adam, leans a bit to give him a short, sweet kiss “No worries. I love it and I´m sure she does too. Now daddy, if you’ll excuse me, I´m going to call my family. Ohh, and I have to call to Mike too.”  
  
Tommy leaves to make his calls while Adam is watching over sleeping Elizabeth and when he´s done they switch so Adam can call his family. This time everyone is happy to come. They spend the days that remain to the party in a relaxing mode. They both take few days off of work. They spend the days just enjoying the feeling of being finally together, as a family. Long walks with Elizabeth, that don´t always get unnoticed. But they both reconcile with the fact that the paparazzi will not disappear, so until they will keep some distance, both men can tolerate it.  
  
Their first fight as a couple is about their new babysitter. Tommy is pretty stubborn about why not to have one but he slowly realizes that being stubborn for whatever reason is not going to help. He lets Adam talk and explain that the reason they need one is not because they can´t take care of their daughter but because they will be busy soon. Right now they may have lot of free time to spend almost every minute with her, but shortly rehearsals will start and they will have to go on promo and do shows and they will really need a help.   
  
Tommy tries to apologize, but Adam dismisses his tries because he knows that Tommy loves their daughter and is just a bit more protective. But after overhearing a conversation one afternoon, Adam finally understands why Tommy was so stubborn. He hears Emily explain to Tommy that she´s there to help, not steal attention or his place in Elizabeth´s life and after that they click because she´s young, smart and very caring and she slowly starts to fit in their lives.   
  
When the party day arrives, Adam is super nervous, but it´s a good kind of nervous. They decided not to cook this time as the party will be during the day and they have their hands full with Elizabeth anyway. They just simply cheat by ordering with a catering company.   
  
Emily helps to organize the food delivery. For her young age she has the manners of a general and Tommy is amazed how she manages everything with Elizabeth in her arms while he and Adam are busy getting ready for their guests to arrive. When they start to arrive, their house is, once again, full of guests.   
  
Emily is a bit shy and nervous among people she never met before. Adam introduces her and shortly everyone makes her feel comfortable. When Adam asks for quiet he officially introduces their daughter. Everyone is hugging him and Elizabeth goes from arms to arms. It´s nice to see it but Elizabeth doesn´t know most of them and she gets weepy really fast.   
  
Tommy takes her from his mother´s arms, rests her on his chest and starts to sway her while talking to her. Adam smiles fondly and one look at Tommy´s face and he knows that now is the right time to announce the rest. Tommy gives a now calmer Elizabeth to Emily so she can take her to her room to take a nap and Adam invites everyone to the dining table.  
  
When they get there he says that he has one more thing to announce. He pulls Tommy even closer to him and puts his arm around Tommy´s waist “I … We wanted to let you know that we´re together now.”   
  
Everyone starts clapping and Sutan makes a sound worthy of Raja “Oh my god! You mean you´re boyfriends now?”   
  
Adam smiles and when he sees Tommy’s nod, he continues “Not really, we´re engaged and we want to get married soon.”   
  
Sutan´s face lights up with a huge smile and both moms have tears of happiness in their eyes. Adam´s dad hurries to hug them both and shortly after they all are sharing hugs and congratulations. When Lee points out that Neil doesn´t look happy, he only shrugs with his typical smug grin.   
  
“What? I said before that he” and he points at Adam “has the worst gaydar ever. Now that we know he finally did get it fixed, what about you guys serve us some food?”   
  
Leila just gives him a look but Adam and Tommy laugh because it really did seem like they were blind and didn´t see what everyone else saw. When the congratulations quiet down a bit, Mike takes Tommy aside to hug him once more and whispers to him how happy he is for him because he didn´t like to see him suffer.   
  
When they finally get to the part Neil was waiting for, the food, they are all talking about what they would like their wedding to look like and how soon is soon. They haven’t really taken time to think about that yet but when their moms and Scarlett start to put ideas on the table, all men, Adam and Tommy included, decide that it is time to run.   
  
They laugh and state that the engaged couple is really needed, so all men can’t run and hide. After Elizabeth´s nap, the whole company is scattered in Adam´s backyard, talking about everyday things, just like family is supposed to. Tommy´s mom asks them if and when they want to tell his fans about Elizabeth because paps are following Adam everywhere and they can´t really hide who she is much longer.   
  
Adam admits that it´s a good point and that they will decide soon how to introduce her to the world. They are discussing it and going through some options and when the afternoon turns into early evening, everyone starts to leave.   
  
Tommy can see Adam talking to his mom. She´s telling Adam something and he smiles and nods and hugs her. Tommy smiles to himself but he´s not trying to find out what Leila told to him because he knows that when the time is right, Adam will tell him.   
  
When Neil is last to leave, he hugs them both “You know you are the slowest and most clueless people on the planet. But I´m happy for you. I know you will be happy together.”   
  
“You are the worst brother ever.” Adam punches Neil hard.   
  
“I know, that´s why you love me.” Neil says and with that he leaves and leaves them alone. Soon after everyone else, Emily is there to say good bye for the day. Elizabeth is taken care of so finally they have some time just for themselves. They are laying on the bed entwined, watching TV and talking quietly about things that are about to come. Elizabeth´s introduction and the wedding. Adam is caressing Tommy´s hand fondly.   
  
When Tommy starts fidgeting, Adam pokes him gently to stop it, but Tommy doesn´t want to. He´s shifting until he´s comfortable and he starts to plant teasing, butterfly kisses on Adam´s chest and moving up to his neck, his hands wandering, exploring Adam´s body. Adam´s breathing goes faster with excitement of what’s to come. When Tommy teasingly touches Adam´s crotch, a wave of arousal runs through his whole body. He moans loudly as he feels himself getting hard. The second Tommy starts to stroke him through his pants he can´t wait any longer. He flips them over and pins Tommy to the mattress.   
  
He attacks Tommy´s mouth, ravaging it with fire and passion. He demands entrance for his tongue and Tommy doesn´t even think about denying him. Their kiss is passionate, all tongues and teeth and Adam can´t stop touching his lover. Wave after wave the arousal consumes them both. Adam gives Tommy one last small kiss, then moves so he can sit comfortably between Tommy´s spread legs. He gives Tommy one big flirty smile before leaning down to kiss him on his belly.   
  
Tommy´s moans grow louder and louder with every small kiss. He is so close to lose his battle with arousal and when Adam touches his pants to take them off, sounds of crying come from the baby monitor. They both look at the direction of their bedroom door. Adam collapses on Tommy his breathing heavily.   
  
Tommy sighs loudly and giggles “I love our daughter, I really do, but this is pure torture!”   
  
Adam smiles and nods “It is and it will not get better. Not for the next 18 years or so.”   
  
He emphasizes it with a sweet, gentle kiss, slowly getting up “I´m going to get her, you stay.”   
  
Adam leaves but Tommy can´t help it so he follows Adam to Elizabeth´s room. Adam doesn´t hear him so he just leans his head on the door frame watching his love quietly talking to their baby girl when he´s changing her. Again and again he feels his heart beat fast as he´s watching his family. The tenderness in Adam´s every move when he sways her in his arms.   
  
When Adam realizes that he has company, he turns around and smiles “Look baby, papa came to keep us company.”   
  
Tommy leaves the door opening and joins Adam next to the crib. He kisses Adam gently and then kisses Elizabeth´s forehead “You feel good in daddy´s arms, do you?”   
  
Tommy puts his hand around Adam´s waist and caresses Elizabeth´s back “Wanted to be here with you.” is all he says and Adam doesn´t need to say anything. Being here with his love on his side and their daughter in his arms is the perfect place for him to be. Just standing there in the dim light makes his life perfect. Only one thing brings him this same happiness; his music. And he will be forever grateful that he can have both.  
  
When Elizabeth falls asleep, he lays her down and covers her with the blanket. As they´re watching their baby girl sleep, it’s suddenly hard to leave. They watch her for a while and then Adam takes Tommy´s hand and hand in hand they leave for the bedroom.  
  
Adam lays down on the bed and Tommy follows. After a short while, Tommy tries to continue when they were interrupted earlier but Adam is not responding the way he should. He kisses Adam´s neck teasingly and usually even tiny little kisses or nibs on his neck can start a fire inside of Adam because he knows the marks Tommy leaves there will be visible for the next few days.   
  
Adam´s inactivity and silence makes him worried and he can´t help but frown “Adam, baby? You don´t want to continue where we left off?”   
  
When Adam actually doesn´t say anything but scoops up and sits on the other side of their bed, Tommy can swear he was never more scared in his life. “Adam? What´s going on? You´re scaring the shit out of me, man! We were supposed to be fucking, or be close to it by now and instead you´re sitting over there and I´m scared. And I don´t like to be this scared. So spill. What´s going on”   
  
Adam takes a breath but not looking at Tommy whatsoever “Before Elizabeth interrupted us we were heading towards, you know, the big event …”   
  
“It´s called sex, Adam but... wait…” Tommy says, panic rising in his body “You do want to have sex with me, don´t you? Oh God, say you do!”   
  
Adam finally looks up “Of course I want to have sex with you. What kind of question is that? I just … I just don´t want to fuck you, yet.”   
  
There is a long silence and this conversation makes less and less sense to Tommy. “What do you mean by ´not just yet´?”  
  
Adam can´t help himself and he starts to blush. “Okay, okay, okay. I´m gonna say it! It means I want our first time to be cheesy romantic. Like I´ve always imagined it and on our wedding night.”   
  
And now Tommy is relieved Adam wants to have sex with him but why is Adam blushing? This itself can´t be embarrassing enough for Adam to make him blush, so Tommy decides to push harder and find out why Adam is acting so strange   
  
“Well, then okay. I think you already did think about it and I can live with that. In reality that´s not something I can do by myself, right?” Tommy say to lighten the mood but it´s not working so he tries some more. “So why are you blushing? You´re redder than a tomato and it´s not like you at all. You throw sexual jokes and innuendos all the time. What is going on?”  
  
“I just ….I…. ahhhh. Ok, I´m gonna say it but please don´t think less of me and don´t be pissed. Please!” Adam starts but still not able to look at Tommy and now he even looks scared.   
  
But Tommy had enough of talking to Adam´s hair so he gets closer and gently lifts up Adam´s chin, making him look up. “You can tell me anything. And you know it. I know it´s probably hard to say, whatever it is. But you are talking to me, not your hands. So please Adam, look at me. Talk to me. I´m not sure why are you embarrassed or scared, but I love you and we can solve everything together. Do you believe me?”   
  
Adam nods and decides to go for it, get it out of his head and into the open. “You know I love you right? And we have a baby and I can´t imagine my life without you and I was thinking and … and I want our first night and every time after that to be ….bare. Ok I have said it.”   
  
There is another long silence and Adam can hear Tommy´s loud intake of breath. Tommy can´t be more surprised. If it would be possible, his jaw would hit the floor. He was expecting many things, but not this. When he speaks, his voice is shaking and it´s almost like whisper   
  
“Bare? You want me …”   
  
Adam can see the shock his proposition makes but he can´t take those words back, he can only try to control some damages. “Please don´t be mad, or grossed out. Just, can we forget I asked?” Adam is babbling because he doesn´t know what else to do. Tommy is sitting in front of him, lips covered with his hand, silent.  
  
“Tommy baby say something. Yell or scream or I don´t know but say something.” Adam pleads because he´s so scared of what is going on in Tommy´s head, he can´t almost breathe.   
  
Tommy can see the fear in Adam´s eyes and when he´s finally able to talk, to overcome his surprise, he has to ask “Why should I feel grossed out or be pissed?”   
  
“Because” Adam starts “Many guys consider it gross and some couples don´t get to the point of being together … like that … at all. And it´s a big step” Adam says and can´t help himself and looks down at his hands again.  
  
He´s more than shocked when Tommy basically attacks him. He pins Adam to the bed, kissing him breathless.   
  
“You crazy fucker. I´m not mad or grossed out. It´s a big step, yes. But you just said you don´t want anyone else in your life but me and that´s so fucking romantic. No one ever said things like this to me before.”   
  
Adam looks up in surprise. “Really?”   
  
“Uh hmmm” Tommy murmurs, attacking again Adam´s neck.  
  
This time he earns proper reaction from Adam, but then he realizes something. “Hold on. That doesn´t mean we have to wait till our wedding night, right? Because I know you are concerned about me being unexperienced and shit, but be it or not, I´m not willing to spend next few months in celibacy. I´m already horny as fuck!”   
  
Adam laughs loud and happy and all his fears are gone. He flips them over so now it´s Tommy who´s pined and Adam whispers seductively “Ohhh baby. We´re gonna save ´The main event´ for our wedding, but there are so many other things I want to show you.”   
  
Adam stresses every word with hot kisses on Tommy´s neck and chest, finding his way lower and lower.   
  
“I will show you every single secret and I´ll make sure our wedding night will be the best night of your life.”  
  
Tommy´s body arches from the bed, arousal boiling his blood, his voice hoarse “Promise?”   
  
Adam bites the inner side of Tommy´s thigh “Promise.” And then, there is no more talking …  
  
Over the next few days they are both busy with work but one evening Adam brings Tommy into his arms. “I wanna talk to you about something.”   
  
Tommy raises his eyebrow “Will I not like it?”   
  
“No, no. It´s just… when we had the baby family party, mom told me something. I hadn’t thought about before. You know, this house was basically mine and … well … his. We moved in here after a few months together …”   
  
Tommy totally forgot about that. “Ohhh … oh!”   
  
“Yeah, and while I was talking to mom I realized that’s the last thing I want to do, to start our life together, to spend our first time together here. So I thought while we and our families will have hands full of wedding preparations, we could also do some house shopping.”   
  
Adam starts nibbling on Tommy´s ear playfully. “Then we can spend our first night in absolutely new and fresh bed, on black satin sheets.”   
  
Tommy moans loudly, decides to play dirty too, whispering in Adam´s ear “I like the sound of that. Your body, covering mine, pinning me down. You taking me. Slowly and gently? Or fast and hard?”   
  
Adam looks like he´s about to collapse “Oh my god, don´t say things like that! You know I have to go out soon!”   
  
“Sorry?” Tommy offers with wicked smile.  
  
“No, you´re not and you will pay for it tonight!”   
  
Tommy laughs and kisses Adam quickly. “Can´t wait. Now go. Your driver is here.”   
  
Adam doesn´t even bother to ask how he knows, because Tommy just knows.  
  
As their moms promised, they took all the wedding preparations to their very coordinated hands. According to Leila, she never made so many phone calls and never sent that many e-mails. But it all gives Adam and Tommy more time to search for their new home.   
  
Basically, they have no problems to pick wedding suits and rings but when their moms start to ask about colors of porcelain, shape of glasses, and table-cloths and wedding gifts and other details, they really do run and hide.  
  
They take their time and when they are in a mood on one quiet evening at home, they take picture of themselves with Elizabeth and introduce her to the world with a simple tweet.  
  
“Say hi to our precious angel and beloved daughter Elizabeth. @adamlambert and @TommyJoeRatliff “  
  
They still love how they can make twitter and other media explode, but that´s not nearly as important as their daughter who doesn´t understand taking pictures yet. They take care of her and eat some dinner and they´re totally oblivious to the fact their fans crashed twitter once again.   
  
As the wedding draws closer and closer, everything starts to fall into place. The wedding will be at Dominic´s place. It´s big enough to accommodate all wedding guests, even though the wedding will be strictly family and friends. Dominic felt honored that they have chosen his home. He, Adam and Tommy became, maybe not friends yet, but close for sure. His home holds some of the most beautiful memories Adam and Tommy share and it´s private enough so no uninvited guests will bother them on their most important day.  
  
About two weeks before their wedding, they finally find a house that they both like. With a pool and a huge garden. It has a few guest rooms and one huge master bedroom. Next to their new bedroom is an adjoining smaller space that they decide to use as a smaller bedroom for Elizabeth, for occasions that they will want to have her close. And as Tommy pointed out, it will probably be a very often situation.   
  
And as Adam pointed out, when she´ll be old enough, he can change it to another wardrobe. But what Adam loves most is that Elizabeth´s room is huge and has separate doors with a staircase leading to their backyard. And even though their new house doesn’t have a fireplace, a company they hired will make them one before they will move in for good.  
  
They both decide to stay at their old home for now and move into their own new place after their wedding. One evening Adam comes home, to find Tommy sitting on a couch, looking at the envelopes on the coffee table with Elizabeth sleeping peacefully next to him.   
  
He greets him with a short sweet kiss “Hey baby, what are you looking at?”   
  
Tommy takes the envelopes and shows Adam “It´s the blood test results.”   
  
Adam sits on the floor next to Tommy raising his eyebrow “So? Why didn´t you open them?”   
  
Tommy kisses Adam´s ear playfully, whispering “I wanted to wait for you. I know we both know we´re okay but still, it´s intimate so we should open them together.”   
  
Adam smiles because Tommy will never stop cease to amaze him and everyday he´s grateful to have him by his side. When they open their individual envelopes, the results show what they were expecting. Tommy´s breath hitches when he´s kissing Adam´s neck, not really that innocently.   
  
“These results just made me want you more and more. I can´t wait to feel you inside me.” Adam turns around and gets on his knees, getting between legs Tommy had spread for him, kissing him passionately.  
  
“Just a few more days, baby, just a few more days.”   
  
Just a few more days turns into a busy circus with last moment preparations and solving of problems. Adam and Tommy don’t really care because for them the most important thing is to get married. If there will be flaws, they don´t mind, but their moms do.   
  
And whoever invented wedding traditions is on top of Tommy´s hit list because according to these traditions, both grooms can´t see each other from the night before until the ceremony itself. It really doesn´t matter how much they are telling everyone that these traditions were for STRAIGHT couples. Neil doesn´t care and Tommy suspects he told everyone on purpose that this tradition has to be met.   
  
Their families either don´t care or they have fun as well. And that´s how they both do end up sleeping separately on the last night of their single life. Mike is making fun of him, but Tommy misses Adam and can´t sleep well without the other man holding him close and he misses Elizabeth. He feels guilty too because he knows Adam will have to wake up at least once to take care of her and he is stuck here, not able to be there with them. He texts Adam just before he goes to bed and wishes it would be tomorrow already.  
  
Tommy wakes up when his alarm goes crazy and it´s already 10:30 am. He´s not a morning person and Adam knows it. He knows it and he loves Tommy so their wedding is in the late afternoon so he doesn´t need to get up early, even though everyone else is probably already wide awake, getting their wedding paradise ready for them.   
  
He hasn´t seen Adam ever since yesterday and he misses him like crazy. Yes, their friends ordered them, not just separate bedrooms but separate houses as well and he can´t help himself so he takes his phone out and sends a short text to Adam.  
  
“Good morning, love.” he hits the ´send´ button and counts seconds before he gets his answer.  
  
“Morning sleepyhead, miss me?”   
  
Tommy pouts but smile afterwards “Miss you both. How´s our princess doing?”   
  
Adam´s answer comes quickly again. “She´s great, woke me up only once. I hate that I can´t call you but Neil is following me constantly. I want to kill him, he´s annoying!”   
  
Tommy has to laugh because he can imagine. “Be brave love, I should be marrying you today, not getting you out of jail J.”   
  
“Okay baby.”   
  
Reply comes fast and before he can even text back another message comes “I have to go. Neil is bothering me all the time. I love you. Will see you at the altar.”   
  
Tommy´s tummy makes a somersault at that thought. In a few hours he will be Adam´s husband. He can´t wait but he has to get ready so he sends one last text “Love you too. Kiss Elizabeth for me. I´m going to get ready.”  
  
Tommy leave his former bedroom to find Mike preparing a coffee and something small to eat “Hey man. You´re finally up. Here´s coffee so take it before it´s cold and then directly to the shower. Hurry!”    
  
Tommy only raises his eyebrow because he has plenty of time, doesn´t he?   
  
“Calm down man, I´m not in hurry.”   
  
Mike starts to laugh “Well then you should be, because Sutan will be here in 30 minutes!”   
  
“Why should he be here so soon?” Tommy asks because he´s just a bit confused.   
  
“Man you completely forgot, didn´t you? You have a field trip to do before he will start to pretty you up!”   
  
“Oh my god. I did forget! How could I forget about THAT?” Tommy almost yells and hits the doorframe with his head.   
  
Mike laugh out loud “Because you are more nervous than you want to admit.”   
  
“Okay, okay. I´m going to get ready.” And with that he rushes to take a shower.

When Tommy emerges from his room again, refreshed, Sutan is there waiting. They say good bye and promise to be back soon.   
  
“So” Sutan starts “Are you sure Adam will not see it?”   
  
Tommy just shakes his head. “Yes, I´m sure. He offered to help our moms so I think he´s already on his way to Dominic´s place.”   
  
Sutan grins “That is so romantic, you know.”   
  
Tommy smiles widely nodding “I know. And as it´ll be our first time, I decided to make it special for us and when Adam told me how he imagined our first time? I knew that that´s it. The perfect wedding night.”   
  
Sutan looks at Tommy, his mouth open in surprise “What you mean by first time? Do you mean what I think you mean?”   
  
Before they can finish their conversation they arrive at Adam and Tommy´s new home so they go inside and head directly to the master bedroom. They start to changing the bedding completely, making the bed all black.   
  
“Yes.” Tommy says “We did everything else, but we decided no fucking till our wedding night.”   
  
Sutan almost weeps at that. “That is soooo romantic.”   
  
They finish the bed and start to place candles everywhere. Sutan continues but he gets a bit more serious.  
  
“Not many people have that. It´s more than rare. I´m happy for you.”   
  
Tommy just needs to hug his friend. “I know and I´m happy too. I didn´t really think of it like that at first but Adam was persistent and now I´m happy I agreed to wait.”   
  
As they are placing the candles all around the room, Tommy hands Sutan a bottle of lube. “Could you please put it in the drawer of the night stand?”  
  
Sutan complies but he´s surprised that one thing is missing. He fights his curiosity but responsibility wins. “Tommy? I don´t want to intrude or anything and don´t take it the wrong way, but …”   
  
Tommy looks at his friend who’s fidgeting, confusion clear in Tommy’s eyes. “What? What´s happening?”   
  
Sutan takes a deep breath, his answer almost a whisper “You forgot to put condoms there.”   
  
He can see Tommy´s face flush pink, not really able to answer and then it hits him. “You didn´t forget, did you?”   
  
Tommy sits on one of the arm chairs whispering “Don´t judge us, please, we feel it´s right.”   
  
And from the tone of Tommy´s voice and his face, Sutan realizes that Tommy misunderstood him. He hurries to hug him, comfort him. “I´m not judging you, baby. I was surprised because it´s a big step. But I´m your friend, I would never judge you.”   
  
Tommy looks up, the sadness leaving his face slowly. “Thank you. I didn´t realize that …”   
  
“That I will figure it out?”   
  
Tommy just nods “We don´t talk about it, it´s private, I think. I just… please don´t tell Adam you know it.”   
  
Sutan hugs him tight. “Don´t worry. I won’t. And I have to say I´m so happy for you that you feel this confident in your relationship. Now, no more sadness. It´s your wedding day. We´re done so we´re heading back to pretty you up for your man, come on!”   
  
Sutan gets up and offers his hand to Tommy. He takes it and Sutan help him to get up and they head home.   
Tommy thanks Sutan for his help but something doesn´t feel right “Sutan? Who will light the candles?”   
  
Sutan smiles because of course Tommy noticed “No worries. A really good friend of mine will light them and leave before you will arrive.”   
  
Tommy smiles and kisses Sutan on his cheek. Now he can get ready. When they arrive at Mike´s place it´s suddenly a rush. Shower and make-up and then finally they head to Dominic´s place. Mike is driving and Tommy is urging him to go faster every second but strangely he has had enough.  
  
“Tommy, man. You know I love you, but if you will not shut up, I will ask Sutan to gag you.”   
  
He can see in the rearview mirror that Tommy is pouting but he has no mercy with him. “Don´t pout! I´m going as fast as I can so sit there and be quiet. I know you want to be there already and I will get you there. Remember we even left earlier, so relax.”   
  
Tommy feels his cheeks heat up so he hides his face into Sutan´s chest, murmuring his apology “M´sorry man... Just nervous n´stuff.”   
  
Mike starts to laugh “It´s okay, really. You´re so cute but I get it. I hope when my time will come I will be this excited too.” Sutan just smiles and rest of the way is problem- and stress free.   
  
Meanwhile at Dominic´s place, everyone is finishing all the last minute details. Guests start to arrive already and Adam tries to watch out for Mike´s car but it´s hard with Neil being his shadow today. Lee is already there with his family as is Scarlet who is helping their moms to make everything perfect.   
  
Lee is just wandering around, taking pictures everywhere of everything that seems interesting and but how Adam in just his shirt and underwear is worth a picture, Adam will never understand. Lee just laughs and states that Tommy will be grateful that he snapped that picture.   
  
Adam turns around. “Is he here?” Lee laughs because it´s amusing how impatient Adam is. He is literally asking everyone that question.  
  
“No, he is not here, but Sutan called and they´re almost here. Why don´t you look out?”  
  
“Because he” Adam rolls his eyes and points towards Neil, who’s relaxing in comfy armchair “won´t let me. Said something about not seeing each other before the ceremony. We even had to spend the night separated!”   
  
Adam complains and Lee tries not to laugh. But he understands. When he was waiting for Scarlet, he was just as nervous. Adam wants to say something but Neil´s phone starts ringing and interrupts them.   
  
The whole world around him disappears and the only thing he hears is Neil´s answer, probably to Sutan or Mike. “It´s okay, he´s not looking. You can go”.   
  
He may not be allowed to see Tommy, but now he knows he´s finally here. A wide and happy smile almost splits his face in two and Neil just has to roll his eyes.  
  
“Yes, he´s here so now you can stop bugging everyone. Finish your preparation! Geez, with this speed you will be late at your own wedding” And with that he and Lee leave him alone to prepare.  
  
Adam´s not alone for long as knocking on the door announces a visitor. It´s Sutan and he hurries to hug him.   
  
“Thank you for everything. For helping us and be here for us.”   
  
Sutan hugs him back and he can see how happy Adam is “Anytime. You know that. I know the beginning was not right, but you got here, to this moment and that´s what counts. Now hurry, finish your dressing up. Your mom said it´s almost time. Your brother will come for you when it´s time. I´ll take my leave and if you want, I can tell Tommy you´re almost ready.”   
  
Adam´s face lights up with wide smile “Yes, tell him. And tell him me and Elizabeth can´t wait for him to join us at the altar.”   
  
Sutan kisses him good bye and leaves him to finish his dressing up. Sutan knocks on Tommy´s door and Tommy immediately answers to come in. He is almost dressed. Finishing it as they talk. They both decided on black suits. The only difference will be that Tommy will be wearing a black shirt with white tie and Adam a white shirt with black tie.  
  
“You´re almost done” Sutan says with smile “Adam is almost ready too. I´m supposed to tell you that he and your daughter will be waiting for you at the altar.”   
  
Tommy smiles and states “He better be!”   
  
Sutan hears the nervousness in his voice and hugs him for comfort, whispering “If it makes you feel better, Adam is nervous too. He was asking everyone every five minutes if you were here already. Neil is really desperate right now.”   
  
Tommy snickers a bit “He deserves that. It was him who told everyone we should spend our last night separated. It´s karma man!”   
  
Sutan doesn´t get a chance to answer because Adam´s dad is there to interrupt them.   
  
“Sutan, everything´s ready. Adam is ready so you need to go. Sutan hugs Tommy, whispering “See you soon, don´t stress yourself, just enjoy it.”   
  
Tommy nods as Sutan leaves. He knows they will come for him soon and he can´t wait.   
  
Adam is looking out the window when his brother come to get him. He feels both nervous and excited. He knows from Sutan that Tommy is in the room two doors from his and when they are walking past it, he lays his hand on the door, not wanting to intrude, just to touch it. Just to almost feel the same space Tommy is in right now. Neil looks back wondering why isn´t Adam right behind him and raises his eyebrow. Adam just shakes his head because Neil would never understand. When he gets down, everyone is sitting at their places and he takes his daughter from his mom.   
  
Leila offered to take care of her but he and Tommy decided to have Elizabeth in their arms. They all take their places at the altar situated in the garden. Elizabeth rests her little head on her father´s shoulder. She´s wearing white and pink dresses and really looks like a little princess. Lee is snapping one picture after another and when Adam hears the music he looks towards the door, looking for the man that will be his husband soon.  
  
Tommy starts fidgeting as the last minutes pass by and when his mom comes to get him, he can´t be more ready. When he reaches the isle, the first soft orchestral tones of “I´m your Angel” starts to play. He knows Adam wanted this song to be a surprise for him and he knows it would not be a typical wedding March, but this brings tears to Tommy´s eyes. His mom squeezes his hand and then it´s their time to walk the isle. With every step he takes towards Adam and his daughter his happiness is growing. Adam is watching him and both men are smiling at each other widely. When he reaches the altar, his mom takes his hand and gives it to Adam. Adam takes it and squeezes it. Tommy squeezes back and with his other hand he caresses Elizabeth´s sleeping face. Then he mouths simple “hi” and Adam mouths it back.   
  
When they face the master of ceremonies Tommy is not listening to him, all he can do is focus on is Adam.  
  
All the words the man says don’t matter, he knows everything he has to say before he can ask them for their vows. Adam is first to go and Tommy can´t wait to hear what Adam has to say. Adam subconsciously strokes Elizabeth´s back, even when he starts to speak. “I love you. You are my best friend. You saw me at my lowest, helped me through some rough times. You were there for me when no one else was. I know we´re going to spend the rest of our lives together and I can´t wait for our future together to begin. You truly are my Angel!” Adam’s eyes start to water and he fights the tears, even though they are happy ones.  
  
When it´s Tommy´s turn, he feels nervous, he was never good with words and it´s hard for him to express his feelings in front of everyone, but he can do it. For Adam, he can. “It´s hard for me to express my feelings most of the time. But you understand me without words. We overcame many obstacles to get here, to stand here with our daughter. Today, our future as a family begins and I will do anything to make you both happy. I will never take for granted to have you both. I love you. More than I can express!”   
  
They repeat all the necessary vows in a haze of happiness and when it´s time to exchange rings, both their hands are shaking. Sutan hands them the rings and soon a wedding ring is next to his engagement one and Tommy can´t tear his eyes from their hands. When they are addressed to kiss as husbands, Adam completely forgets their good will to stay modest and keep the kiss relatively chaste. He kisses Tommy passionately, only thing keeping him from literally eating his face off is sleeping Elizabeth between them.   
  
Tommy laughs happily as the first congratulants come to hug them. Tommy blushes but with Adam standing by his side, it makes him more comfortable. With all the congratulations and hugging and rice being thrown, Elizabeth wakes up and starts sobbing. Tommy takes her from Adam, whispering soothing words, swaying her in his arms. They have only a short time to go and change her and then it´s time to get to the dining room where the reception is held.   
  
The banquet has everything you may want to try but Adam and Tommy are not hungry at all. They are just glad that Mike and Neil didn´t tell any embarrassing stories for their toasts and after the toasts their mothers ask for attention and the most beautiful wedding cake is brought in. All completely in black and white as they asked it to be. Three tiers of beauty with black and white little flowers covering the front.   
  
Adam kisses both his moms and Tommy does the same “It´s so beautiful. Thank you very much”.   
  
“You´re welcome, now go and cut it together.” Tommy gives Elizabeth to his mom and they go and cut the largest tier together. They´re smiling and laughing as they feed each other. The cake is delicious and when they hear the first notes of their first dance together, their moms again ask everyone to quiet down so they can enjoy their dance. And as they head for the dance floor, “Lucky ones” plays to guide their steps …  
  
I know we are, we are the lucky ones.  
I know we are, we are the lucky ones.  
I know we are, we are the lucky ones.  
I know we are, we are the lucky ones, dear.  
  
My dear.  
It´s time to say I thank god for you.  
I thank god for you in each and every single way.  
And I know, I know, I know, I know, it´s time  
To let you know, time to let you know.   
Time to let you know.   
Time to sit here and say.  
  
I know we are, we are the lucky ones.  
I know we are, we are the lucky ones.  
I know we are, we are the lucky ones.  
I know we are, we are the lucky ones, dear.  
We are the lucky ones, dear …  
  
  
They dance slowly. Holding each other tight. Or maybe Tommy is holding on to Adam and Adam leads them through the music. Tommy is resting his head on Adam´s shoulder, whispering softly.  
  
“Thank you for holding me. I´m a terrible dancer.”   
  
Adam just smiles fondly. “I´ve got you. I always will.”   
  
Tommy looks up with a serious face “I meant it what I say, I will never take for granted to have you. We really are the lucky ones.”   
  
Adam nods and whispers just before kissing Tommy sweetly. “Yes we are”.   
  
Before their kiss can get heated, they hear gentle coughing. They separate involuntary and allow their mothers to cut in and dance with them and later switch so they dance with their mothers–in–law.   
  
They spend some time dancing with their families and friends, talking to them all and enjoying their time together. They even dance together with Elizabeth. After that, Elizabeth is put into a portable crib and Emily takes care of her.  When they agree that they’ve had enough of the party and dancing and chatting, they decide to take their leave. They kiss Elizabeth good bye, not really ready to leave her behind, but Adam´s mom just laughs, assures them that Elizabeth will be in good hands. She raised, and survived, two sons after all. One little girl will be a walk in the park for one night.  
  
When they say their good byes, Tommy leaves Sutan for last and whispers to him while hugging him “Let your friend know that we will be there in 20 minutes.”   
  
Sutan just nods. “No worry sweetie. Now go”  
  
They leave the wedding reception, and get in the car that´s waiting for them. The ride home seems to take forever. The second the door of the limousine closes behind them, Tommy crawls into Adam´s lap, his hands mapping Adam´s body. He kisses Adam passionately, thrusting his tongue into Adam´s waiting mouth. Adam likes Tommy´s burst of dominance and is not fighting it as he knows his time will come later. Adam starts to undo Tommy´s tie.   
  
“I can´t believe you are my husband.” Tommy attacks Adam with his hands that are shaking with anticipation   
  
“Me too, but less talking …” Tommy states, chewing on Adam´s bottom lip “…more kissing” and to prove his point, he starts to squirm in Adam´s lap and Adam moans into his mouth.   
  
“Ohhhhh my God, no more talking”. The rest of the way to their new home is filled with touching and groping and somewhat decent undoing their suits.  
  
The driver drops them off and they hurry inside. Tommy has a hard time focusing as he´s trying to unlock their door and get his boots and jacket off. Adam shakes his head at his husband´s silly behavior but he´s smiling fondly all the time. When Tommy finally manages to finish everything, he comes closer to Adam, kissing him short, sweet and tender. He turns around, takes Adam´s hand into his and leads them to their bedroom. Adam holds his hand and follows.   
  
When they reach their bedroom and Tommy leads them inside, Adam suddenly can´t breathe. Their bedroom is full of vanilla scent and dim light from dozens of candles that illuminate rose petals scattered all over the floor and their bed. Their bed that is, as he was imagining it, covered in black satin. His heart swells with love because Tommy made their bedroom exactly like he dreamt it. The feeling is so overwhelming that suddenly he´s afraid. He´s frozen in place with his hands shaking.  
  
When Tommy sees Adam frozen, he hugs him, whispering into his ear “What´s happening, love?”   
  
Adam feels his face heat up from a blush “You made it so perfect and now I´m afraid.”   
  
“Afraid of what?” Tommy asks, placing gentle kisses along the line of Adam´s jaw.  
  
“That I´ll disappoint you, that you will not … that you will not like it.”   
  
Tommy takes a deep breath and starts to talk. Gently touching and undressing Adam. ”You can´t ever disappoint me…” he whispers and starts to unbutton Adam´s shirt, very slowly, button for button. Placing kisses on Adam´s chest as he´s doing it.   
  
“You are my husband, my better half …” he kisses his husband´s shoulder and back as he´s taking the shirt off. He goes slowly around Adam, his hand never leaves Adam´s skin, caressing it gently.   
  
“I know you are afraid …” he kisses Adam´s chest again as his hands starts to undoing Adam´s belt. His hands are trembling but not from fear, from excitement. “And I am too. It´s my first time …” he points out as he´s opening the fly of Adam´s pants and urges him to step out of them. He throws them aside just like he did, with Adam´s shirt and he goes down on his knees and kisses Adam just above the hemline of his boxers.  
  
“But it´s you and me …” and finally Adam´s socks are off too. “And together we can do anything”. Tommy gets up slowly, finally looking up to make eye contact, kissing Adam´s body anywhere he can reach.  
  
The second Adam realizes what Tommy is doing, his pulse rises to an uncountable level. With every touch and every word he gets more and more aroused but he gains his confidence back. When Tommy starts to undo his pants he´s ready to explode and it takes every bit of his willpower not to throw Tommy on the bed and take him. When Tommy plants a kiss on his underbelly, fire and hunger consume his body. He´s watching Tommy all the time and when finally Tommy looks up, he can see same fire and hunger in his husband´s eyes.   
  
When Tommy gets up, he wants to kiss him so badly but Tommy plants a last few kisses on his chest and neck and ear and then he leaves him standing alone in the middle of the bedroom. When he wants to follow Tommy only shakes his head. He gets to the edge of the bed and starts to undress himself.   
  
“You are mine and I´m yours and that´s all that matters.” With every word and unbuttoned button, more of his skin is visible and Adam tries hard to control his emotions, the hunger he feels. His eyes burning holes into Tommy´s clothes and when Tommy finally stops talking, they´re standing there, just few meters apart, only in their underwear, fire, love, desire, hunger consuming them both. And then finally, Tommy gestures for Adam to come closer. To claim what is his. And with every small step Adam takes, his love and adoration for this man grows. Nothing else exists in this very moment, just them.  
  
He gets close enough to take Tommy into his arms. He starts kissing his jaw line and continues a trail lower down his neck “Do you realize how sexy you are? How sexy all the undressing was? It took all I had in me not to come on the spot.” Adam whispers and urges Tommy to hop up and secure his legs around his waist. When Tommy does so, he walks the last few inches to the bed and carefully lays Tommy down on their black satin sheets.   
  
If he thought Tommy was done with teasing, he was wrong. Tommy doesn´t give him a chance and flips them over so Adam is laying on his back. The bedding smells fresh and it´s cool compared to Adam´s heated skin. Tommy sits between Adam´s legs, taking in the sight of his husband in front of him. He starts teasingly caressing the inside of Adam’s thighs, pleased by Adam moaning. He then decides to torture his husband a bit more. He starts licking his nipples one after another, biting them gently while at the same time he´s palming Adam´s cock through his boxers. Adam´s moans changes almost instantly into cries of pleasure.   
  
When Tommy takes his boxers down and licks his cock teasingly, Adam´s body arches like a bow in pure pleasure. Tommy doesn´t waste any time and starts blowing his husband passionately his hand playing and teasing Adam´s balls.   
  
When Adam feels too close to the edge, he stops Tommy by pulling him into his arms, kissing him with everything he has. He flips them over and now he´s the one teasing, torturing. With his hands and mouth. His hands touching Tommy everywhere, his lips kissing and teasing. Worshipping every part of Tommy´s body. He starts his sweet torment by kissing and marking Tommy´s always sensitive neck while his hands wander, explore Tommy´s body.  
  
He´s kissing his way down to Tommy´s chest, teasing Tommy´s nipples. Kissing and licking them, gently nipping on them. Tommy moans and Adam is humming with satisfaction. He keeps kissing Tommy, his lips leaving a wet trail lower and lower down his husband´s body. When he reaches Tommy´s underwear, he plants kisses all over Tommy´s hard, still covered cock. Adam stops just for a second to take in the atmosphere in their bedroom. The sight of Tommy covered in dim light from the candles with his eyes closed, his breath unsteady with arousal.   
  
Tommy opens his eyes and looks at Adam with so much love and hunger, Adam hesitates just for a second. He leans back and kisses Tommy passionately sweet. When Tommy starts begging, whispering and urging Adam to continue, he slowly strips Tommy of his boxers.  
  
Tommy lies there, naked, his legs spreads as wide as he can. Adam can´t believe they´re really here. That he´s going to make love to his husband. His heart is pounding in his chest and when Tommy raises a bit from the bed and slowly strokes Adam´s cheek, he whispers “Please, more.”  
  
Adam kisses him once more and says “I will make it good. God, I love you”  
  
He covers his fingers with lube that Tommy took out of the night stand. He teasingly circles Tommy´s hole with his fingers, before his first finger penetrates Tommy. He´s preparing his husband slowly, thoroughly. Never stops stroking or blowing him while his fingers work him open. Every single love sound that leaves Tommy´s lips makes him proud and more and more impatient.   
  
He knows this is not new for Tommy and he knows Tommy is enjoying it, but still there is slight fear of what´s to come. As he´s watching his husband writhe, lost in pleasure. He´s sure he´ll do anything to make it perfect tonight. Other nights can be about him or about them but this night is about Tommy.  
  
When he´s satisfied with how open Tommy is, he gets up and kisses Tommy passionately, his voice hoarse “I can´t wait any longer. Are you ready for me?”   
  
When Tommy nods, he tries gently to roll him over but Tommy is one stubborn man.   
  
“I´m not rolling over. We´ve talked about this! I will not spend my first time making love to my husband looking at a wall!”   
  
Adam leans down so their foreheads are touching, asking worriedly “Are you sure? I mean this way it could hurt more.”   
  
Tommy shakes his head and kisses Adam gently, nipping on his ear “I know but I´m sure. I want to look you in the eyes. Our first time, Adam. It´s only one time. You can´t do it again, undo it. It doesn´t have to be perfect, but I will be looking at you. I want to see your face and I want you to see mine. Nothing else matters.”   
  
Adam nods and starts kissing Tommy again. One last time he makes sure Tommy is opened up properly, before he pours some more lube on his fingers and he covers his own dick with it. He leans down to kiss Tommy again. He can feel every blood drop in his body boil as his bare dick enters Tommy´s hole.   
  
Tommy´s so tight he has to fight the urge to just start pounding into Tommy´s body. But he can see the discomfort in Tommy´s eyes. He´s not enjoying it yet but he will. Adam will be damned if Tommy will have any other memories then all the amazing and hot ones. He starts stroking him again, his lips never stop kissing him.   
  
When the sounds leaving Tommy’s mouth change, he moves in and out slowly just to taste how Tommy will react. When his husband moans in pleasure, he starts a slow rhythm, his hand leaving Tommy´s cock so he can entwine their fingers. When Tommy starts cursing loudly and he starts to plead Adam for more, he obliges and speeds up his thrusts.   
  
Their bedroom is filled with sounds of their lovemaking and mutual confessions of love for each other. When Adam feels that his orgasm is close, he lets his right hand slip from Tommy´s and he starts to stroke Tommy again. Tommy´s face when he comes is pure ecstasy. His eyes closed and mouth open, breathing heavily and as his ass clenches around Adam´s cock, everything is so intense it takes only two more thrusts and he is coming himself. He collapses on top of Tommy´s body, kissing his husband gently.  
  
Tommy can feel when Adam´s orgasm hits him, he can feel his come filling him. He thought about how he would feel or what he would feel. He thought it would be strange but all he can feel is love. When they both start to calm down, Tommy hugs Adam close and tight, like he´s afraid Adam may disappear. When Adam pulls out of Tommy and wants to get something to clean up the mess, Tommy holds him tight.   
  
“Leave it. I like the feeling your come leaking out of me.”   
  
Adam shakes his head but doesn’t move anyway. They can clean it up in the morning. He only cleans Tommy´s belly and then he just holds Tommy close. Tommy rests his head on Adam´s chest, stroking it softly.  
  
“It was … I don´t even have words for what it was like for me. I can still feel you and it´s indescribable. It hurt at the beginning but then… I have never felt anything like it. I swear.” Tommy kisses Adam´s chest gently, his fingers drawing small circles on Adam´s body. “How was it for you? Without a condom I mean?”   
  
Adam forces Tommy to look up and he kisses him gently, stroking his back “It was intense. It was everything I was hoping for and much, much more. But I don´t want to describe it to you. I want you to feel it, experience it.”   
  
Tommy looks at Adam in surprise “You mean you want me to…?” he can´t even finish the sentence because this option never even occurred to him. Every aspect of Adam´s personality and appearance screams “Top and dominant”.   
  
Adam caresses his husband´s cheek, loving smile on his face “Oh, my silly husband. Relationships are, like everything else in life; a two way highway. I will not be that selfish to deny you this feeling.”  
  
Tommy smiles and shakes his body, teasingly rubbing his crotch against Adam´s. Adam moans silently into Tommy´s mouth. Adam tries to reason with him but his hands start to wander already. “Baby it´s too soon. You will feel it tomorrow.”  
  
Tommy just smiles and kisses Adam´s neck, leaving a huge mark there. “Will not. I will maybe feel round two or three. If you can manage, I mean.”   
  
Adam groans loudly, attacks Tommy´s body with his mouth and hands and starts to prove his husband that he can surely manage few more rounds. And when Tommy complains in the morning, he´s just going to say. “I told you so …”

 


	7. Epilogue - What the future holds

 

“Tommy, Tommy!” Adam´s voice brings Tommy back from his memories. He can hear his husband come closer and gently kiss his neck.  
  
“What are you doing baby?” Adam asks and Tommy looks fondly at the album lying on the table.  
  
“Was thinking about past. Seemed fitting today.”  
  
Adam sits on the armchair, bringing Tommy with him, sitting him on his lap. “Hmmmm…” Adam murmurs. He´s teasing Tommy gently, nibbling on his lips and kissing his way around to Tommy´s neck, just above the collar of his shirt, whispering, “Took us a long time to get here, but I´m so glad we made it.”  
  
Tommy moans and arches into Adam´s touch. “I know. Geez, I love you so much.” but before he can get aroused too much he straightens up in Adam´s lap, looking Adam directly in the eye. “Wait a minute. You didn´t come just to make out with me! Why are you here?”  
  
Adam smiles and leans closer to his husband again, chewing on his ear. “Well I came to tell you that she´s ready. Everyone is ready.”  
  
Tommy hops up from Adam´s lap, puts his hands on his hips and scowls at Adam. “Adam! You can´t just start making out with me when you are supposed to tell me our daughter is ready!”  
  
Adam gets up and holds Tommy close. Even after all these years he can´t keep his hands off of his husband. “Don´t be mad baby. We´re going now and we can make out like teenagers later!”  
  
Tommy laughs, loud and happy. “You never change right?”  
  
Adam smiles at him lovingly. “Never baby, never.”  
  
And with that he takes Tommy by the hand and leads them to the room Elizabeth uses when she´s visiting. They knock and she invites them in. Elizabeth is standing in front of her big mirror, dressed in a white wedding dress, looking like a princess. When Adam imagined this moment, she was never more beautiful. She looks around and one look is enough for her to start giggling. “I knew I shouldn´t send daddy to bring you, papa.”  
  
She comes closer and fixes his hair, gently touching his neck, where soon Adam´s mark will show. Tommy just smiles at his daughter. “You´re right, but I´m here and you look so beautiful.”  
  
Adam closes the distance to hug them both whispering, “You truly do. Your mom would be so proud of you.”  
  
Elizabeth looks at him and she has to fight back tears. “She would be proud of you too. You were the best daddies I could have asked for. Now I´m ready. Can you take me down please?”  
  
They share one more hug and then head downstairs. There at the end of the aisle is the love of their daughter´s life. As the first notes of the wedding march are heard, they both walk their daughter down the aisle.  
  
As they´re walking, Adam thinks back over their lives. It wasn´t always easy. They had ups and downs but they always stayed together. And as he´s walking their daughter down the aisle to be married, he can see their other children waving at them. He can see Tommy wave back. And as they approach the altar, he can see Amy smiling down on their daughter.   
  
The picture of her mother is a surprise Elizabeth didn´t know about. When she sees the picture of her mother, holding her as a newborn, she hugs them tightly.   
  
She joins her fiancé at the altar and her two dads sit at their places. They are surrounded by their other children and as Adam watches their daughter get married, surrounded by all of the people in the world who matter to him, he thinks that everything he's gone through, everything they've gone through, was worth it.

 


End file.
